#anxious

My parents have always been supportive, though there have been times were they've been very anxious over my choices. I think that because I was their first child, there was a level of uncertainty and overprotectiveness present in our relationship at times.

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The fact that I'm also neurodivergent (autistic and ADHD) no doubt played a role as well. I was diagnosed at a time when there just wasn't as many resources available to parents of neurodivergent kids, especially compared to today, so there was a lot of uncertainty surrounding how my development would go, how much support I'd need in my adult years, etc. I imagine that was not easy for my folks to grapple with.

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Fortunately they never gave up on me, even when others would tell them they should. Despite their anxieties, they always believed in my potential and encouraged me to pursue my goals and to become an independent adult.

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For that reason (amongst many others) I am super grateful. My folks are cool as hell and I love them dearly. 🥰

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I definitely did change/be more careful with my words in the past. I also hid various aspects of myself that I thought may be considered “weird” (which, looking back, I wish I hadn’t… if they date me, they’d see that side of me inevitably, anyways). 😅 I’d say my approach was that I wanted to be the absolute best version of myself at all times for them, so I could appear a certain way, in hopes they’d find me more interesting, attractive, etc. I also, tried to hide my “baggage” per say to make myself seem healed and so self aware. Even though, I knew deep down, if they really got to know me, that facade would always break. 😶

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Needless to say, I have a very different approach now…

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I think allowing yourself to be “quirky” and/or vulnerable about the parts of you/your personality that maybe you hesitate showing, really helps in the talking phase. I’m not saying you should allow people access to the most intimate, deepest parts of you immediately. I’m saying, share an interest you have that maybe you don’t normally speak of. Or share a little personality quirk you have. Allow yourself to be less rigid, you don’t have to always be in the best light for someone to like you. You’re human, you’re complex, it’s okay to show that. 🤗 It’s easier said than done, I know… BUT, I really think those little vulnerable moments are important and valuable.

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And, like I mentioned before, if they are actually going to date you at some point, they will see/learn those things regardless… So, in my opinion it’s nice to just start slowly shedding those layers we put on for the world, so the person who we want to be with can see who we truly are. It not only helps them feel good enough to do the same for you, but it helps you to feel at peace and completely comfortable with being yourself in the long run, assuming you do pursue the relationship.

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Personally, I’ve found it’s worth having those anxious moments, just to find out someone I like was actually charmed by that side of me, or they related to it in a way I couldn’t have predicted, or if nothing else, just showed me genuine interest and non-judgement. You never know, it really can be the tiniest things about you that can make someones heart swoon. 🥰 It can be very fulfilling and rewarding to be bold and step into yourself like that, even when it’s scary. I think that’s the beautiful thing about getting to know a potential partner. You both get to see all the little things that makes one another undeniably human, and still find yourselves loving each other more and more. 💗

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One of the biggest things for me: AVOID the internet at ALL costs. As a chronically ill person who also has a lot of health anxiety, the worst possible thing you can do is go to Google and doom scroll when feeling extremely anxious. 🥴 For your own sake, go to your doctor or call them, and discuss what you feel directly, not only symptoms, but the anxiety as well. And they may even suggest getting a couple tests done so that you can have some mental peace knowing that your body is functioning how it should. OR that whatever condition(s) you currently have isn’t getting worse or triggering something else, etc.

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Next thing: Share with someone you trust who can have a conversation with you, rationalize, challenge your anxiety (kindly, and with compassion), and just be a friendly sounding board so you don’t spiral. I find this helps me a lot. Sometimes, simply receiving a trusted persons input/rationalization, and getting everything off my chest calms me down immensely. 😮‍💨

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And finally: Do NOT suppress your anxiety. It does not help anything, nor will it make you feel better. Acknowledge that you feel very anxious right now, try your best to slow down and refocus your mind. Whether that is by giving yourself time to cry, or sit in silence and focus on breathing, vent or write out everything you’re anxious about, and I mean everything. Listen to music, watch a show/movie that comforts you, or any other healthy coping mechanism you do to relax. Regardless, feel your feelings. And then, when you’ve done that, you can go ahead and establish how you want to proceed/re-evaluate how you are doing.

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For me, writing out everything is so beneficial, because once I’ve calmed down a bit, I can essentially fact check myself and be like “okay, I know I don’t have to worry about *insert thought(s)* because *insert reason(s)*.” Or take those anxieties to a medical professional/loved one so they can help you fact check them.

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I hope that helps, even a little bit! I know health anxiety is awful and hard to navigate. ☹️

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Tatsächlich eher weniger. Ich merke zu dieser Zeit, wie schlimm meine Pollenallergie wird und zum Teil enorm ausartet (selbst mit Medikamenteneinnahme kriege ich manchmal kaum Luft, muss permanent niesen, habe tränende Augen, Migräne und Schwindel). Ich fühle mich tendenziell einsam und merke, wie in Schüben meine Depression zurückkehrt, weil Menschen unternehmensfreudig sind und ich weder das Umfeld noch die Energie dazu besitze. Das Wetter lastet wie ein extrovertiertes Damoklesschwert über mir, das mich daran erinnert, wie langweilig und zum Teil nichtssagend mein Leben ist und ich kaum die Möglichkeit habe, irgendetwas Interessantes zu tun, da ich so an mein Zuhause gebunden bin und mich mental und körperlich wie ein Wrack fühle. Wenn ich meine Eltern ausnahmsweise zum Spazieren überreden kann, da ich mich alleine in Wäldern eher unwohl fühle und auch ständig eingeredet bekommen habe, dass mir dann immer etwas zustößen würde und ich bloß niemals ohne Begleitung (die ich meist nicht habe) in die Natur gehen soll, fühle ich mich extrem eingeschränkt und irgendwie unselbständig und anxious bei allem, so albern das nun auch klingen mag. Habe gerade auch eine miese Dauermigräne und fühle mich absolut unwohl und verloren in dieser Hitze und dem ganzen "Spaß", den anderen gerade haben und überall teilen und publizieren. Fühle mich dann einfach schlecht und wie ein Versager. Sorry für den emotionalen Rant, ich will darüber auch nicht weiter reden und wollte das nur so als Vent stehenlassen, ohne wie ein miesepetriger und missgünstiger Gremlin zu klingen; der Sommer ist für mich nur jedes Jahr sehr hart und anstrengend, weil er für mich immer negativ behaftet ist und sich wie ein Fiebertraum anfühlt.

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I’m usually too anxious in public to be able to sense how another person is feeling but there was a time when I was sitting in a classroom and a female classmate that was always nice to me was going through hard times and when we made eye contact, her eyes started watering. I can usually sense this with people I feel comfortable around and I tend to close myself off to those who make me feel uncomfortable. With guys, it’s harder to tell how they’re feeling but with women, it’s easier to read them but maybe that’s just me. There was also another time when this female acquaintance was looking at me from across the cafeteria and she wasn’t too far away from me either but it was clear that she wasn’t having fun. We were on a road trip to Chicago at the time and on the way back, she talked about how upset she was after hearing about a certain news but tbh, I didn’t think she was upset enough to cry but she did. It might be because I myself am almost always unhappy in public so when I see someone else who isn’t having a fun time in public like me, I assume they are anxious like me or that they’re just observing their surroundings like I am. I’m not the best at reading people and usually am not concerned until they break down or shed tears, which I realize doesn’t make me come across as someone that’s good at sensing others feelings. Even when people outwardly display their feelings, I have a hard time putting my guard down and connecting with them on an emotional level.

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I'm happy to lend a listening ear if a friend comes to me needing to vent about someone else’s actions, but that is about as much as I’m willing to do. As a rule, I try not to involve myself in others' conflicts. Having been on both sides of this exact situation one too many times, I've unfortunately learned the hard way that absolutely nothing gets resolved unless people actually talk to each other. In fact, things usually just get messier once someone else gets involved.

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So, as harsh as it may sound, if a friend came and asked me if I’d be willing to have a word with someone else for them, my answer would have to be no. If confronting the other person by themselves makes them anxious then I may offer to stay in the room with them, for moral support– but I’d keep my mouth closed and stay out of the conversation.

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It's not my place to fight other people’s battles for them.

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