#brokenheart

Succede anche a me con la mia ex ragazza, unica donna che io abbia veramente amato, e purtroppo tra piccole incomprensioni, caratteri orgogliosi, e inserimento di terze persone io "la mia persona" l'ho persa, lei ha voluto lasciarmi e ha intrapreso una nuova storia, poi io avvolto dal dolore, dalla delusione, da un senso di colpa enorme, dalla solitudine, dalla "rabbia" e sommerso dalle lacrime, lasciai definitivamente il posto ove io vivevo (la Toscana) e decisi di rientrare alla mia base d'origine (la Sicilia). Oggi dopo i miei quasi due anni dalla rottura mi ritrovo un passo più avanti ma ogni giorno posso certamente dirti che il mio primo pensiero racchiude sempre la figura della mia persona (dico mia persona per il semplice fatto che anche se io non sono più nulla per lei, al contrario lei per me rappresenta tutto e le auguro veramente una vita felice e serena nonostante non ci si senta più in nessun modo). È stata la persona che mi ha reso felice e mi ha fatto star male allo stesso tempo ma non le porto rancore ne odio, ho solo rabbia perché sapevo di amarla, di desiderarla e di volerle un gran bene, e purtroppo tutto si è sciolto come nulla fosse senza la possibilità di risolvere quelle lacune. BrokenHeart 💔

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Bongkar masa lalu ni ya demi kamu de? aku putus dulu pas masih bener2 sayang, karna hal paling besar yg bikin aku kudu putus itu dr pihak ku sendiri. Jadi yaa kaya mau gamau kudu putus gitu lah, dah kepepet jadi ya udadeh. Kalau masalah susah moveon pikir aja de cewe mana si yg cepet moveon pas dia putus tp lagi dipuncak sayangnya?cara ngelepasinnya aing kurang paham juga ya, intinya ikhlas sm apa yg terjadi, dan berusaha bersikap biasa aja(and every brokenheart know this is the most difficult stupid shit to do), cari kesibukan, dan selebihnya pasrah, biar Tuhanmu yg nunjukin kmn arah kamu hrs melangkah lewat perantara waktu. Kalau mau cepet moveon cari aja cowo baru kali ya de, but u know lah 'not everyone' can do this shit? and if one day u has already done with that shit and u met ur 'truly' guy, u have to remember this, 'pertemuan itu akan selalu berakhir dengan perpisahan' so if u're ready to love, at the same time u must to prepare ur heart to be broken??

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Let's make this a (personal) top 10 list

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10. Int'l Players Anthem - UGK feat. Outkast (only Andre's verse, actually)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awMIbA34MT8&ab_channel=UGKVEVO

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9. I Call It Love - Lionel Richie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s47n8E2BuWc&ab_channel=LionelRichieVEVO

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8. Bed Of Roses - Bon Jovi
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvR60Wg9R7Q&ab_channel=BonJoviVEVO

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7. Bound 2 - Kanye West (MY LIST, MY RULE)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBAtAM7vtgc&ab_channel=KanyeWestVEVO

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6. Kiss From A Rose - Seal
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMD2TwRvuoU&ab_channel=JoJoIsTheBestOfAll

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5. Ordinary People - John Legend
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIh07c_P4hc&ab_channel=johnlegendVEVO

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4. Beautiful - Snoop Dogg feat. Pharrell
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FE194VN6c4&ab_channel=emimusic

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3. I Love The Way You Love Me - Eric Martin (a cover, but I love his version the most)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTcxF5Ch8kM&ab_channel=Jelantixjelantix

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2. The Most Beautiful Girl In The World - Prince
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFXPpX--kB4&ab_channel=alimulama

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1. In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kU8OJAOMbPg&ab_channel=PeterGabriel

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AND AS A BONUS

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0. Empat Dinihari - Me
(because what's social media without self-promotional, lol. Bear with me plz~)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLkWpy9Pl8k&ab_channel=toravision

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"I've been thinking 'bout you lately. Maybe you can save me, from this crazy world we live in. And I know we could happen, cause you know that I've been feeling you. I know you want me too.." (We Could Happen - AJ Rafael)
.
"Now, I'm gonna love you till the heavens stop the rain . I'm gonna love you till the stars fall from the sky for you and I.." (Touch Me - The Doors)
.
"I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart. Love, we need it now
let's hope for some, cause, oh, we're bleeding out i belong with you, you belong with me your my sweetheart.." (Ho Hey - The Lumineers)
.
"Berjuta rasa-rasa yang tak mampu diungkapkan kata-kata.Dengan beribu cara-cara kau selalu membuat ku bahagia. Kau adalah alasan dan jawaban atas semua pertanyaan.." (Pilihanku - Maliq & D'Essential)
.
"When I saw you smile I saw a dream come true. So I asked you, maybe, baby whatcha gonna do? Cause I have been waitin' for a long long time for a boy like you.." (I Was Made For You - She & Him)
.
"Usually when things has gone this far. People tend to disappear. No one would surprise me unless you do.." (Young Folks - The Kooks)

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on my own - les miserables cast

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on my own
pretending he's beside me
all alone
i walk with him till morning
without him
i feel his arms around me
and when I lose my way I close my eyes
and he has found me

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in the rain the pavement shines like silver
all the lights are misty in the river
in the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
and all I see is him and me forever and forever

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and I know it's only in my mind
that I'm talking to myself and not to him
and although I know that he is blind
still I say, there's a way for us

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i love him
but when the night is over
he is gone
the river's just a river
without him
the world around me changes
the trees are bare and everywhere
the streets are full of strangers

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i love him
but every day I'm learning
all my life
i've only been pretending
without me
his world will go on turning
a world that's full of happiness
that I have never known

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i love him
i love him
ilove him
but only on my own





ini lagu jatuh cinta
tapi bertepuk sebelah tangan
ya allah aku bisa nangis dengerin lagu ini

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kaya
"on my own
pretending he's beside me"
ya wondering aja kan sedih ya

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trus
"and I know it's only in my mind"
nyeett kenapa baru sadar huhu sakit tau mikirin orang yang ngga mikirin kita

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lalu
"wthout me
his world will go on turning
a world that's full of happiness
that i have never known"
YA ALLAH SHOWERAN YUK BERJAMAAH :(

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terakhir
"i love him but only on my own"
mati

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:(

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Ga jauh beda seperti lagu tentang patah hati kebanyakan, lagu ini menceritakan tentang hubungan yg tidak di anggap serius oleh salah satu pihak. Dimana ia hanya menganggap hubungan yg sedang di jalinnya ini hanya permainan belaka dan sama sekali tidak menganggap hal ini patut di jalani.

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Tentu saja salah satu di antaranya merasakan sakit hati dan merasa semua ini hanya sia2 belaka. Meskipun mereka terikat dalam satu hubungan, tapi hubungan itu tidak bisa dikatakan sebagai cinta. Ia sangat mengaharapkan cinta dari pasangannya itu. Bahkan sedikit pun cinta yg di terimanya, ia sangat besar mengharapkan hal itu.

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Dibalik perasaannya itu, ia sudah dari dulu menahan rasa untuk mengakhiri hubungan tersebut. Tapi gejolak dan sinar dari mata pasangannya itu seolah menahannya untuk melakukan hal itu. Karna sesungguhnya ia terlalu sayang. Ia telah jatuh jauh ke dalam gelapnya cinta.

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Hmm gimans ya. Waktu itu umur gue masih 13 tahun pas mau pdkt sama dia. Dia tuh temen gereja gue, gue ketemu dia pertama kali kelas 1 atau 2 SMP gitu lah pas acara di panti jompo mana gitu. Guenya jelek, item, dekil, sedih lah pokoknya. Sedangkan gue baru 'berevolusi' (halah) saat lulus kuliah (maklum baru pegang duit sendiri, jadi cantik emang mahal ye heran). Pas gue 13 thn itu, dianya udah SMA, udah cute abis. Gue dari yg ga suka olahraga sampe masuk klub basket dan badminton biar bisa ketemu dia bbrp kali tiap minggu dan bisa SMS doi gitu sok nanya jadwal latihan HAHA. Dan dulu kan gue juga anggota majalah gitu kan dan gue sampe modus gitu wawancara dia buat profile majalah, omg hahaha! Tapi ya dia ga suka gue sih. Dan hal itu menjadi rahasia umum di gereja, si A suka B, si C suka D, and so on termasuk kisah gue naksir dia saat itu.
But then gue pacaran sama seseorang saat umur gue 15. Entah bagaimana, gue dan dia menjadi sahabat dan dia adalah org yg selalu memberikan solusi yg sangat amat dewasa setiap gue putus di umur gue 15, di umur gue 17, umur 19, dan 21 tahun. Iya, 4 breakups (sampai yg terakhir) dan dia orang yang selalu mendengarkan dan memberi solusi. Tapi emang ga jodoh, tiap gue jadian, dia jomblo. Tiap gue lagi jomblo, dia yg lagi pacaran sama orang. Hehe. Dan sampai dia mau married tahun lalu pun, gosip jaman SMP gue suka dia itu masih suka jadi bahan bercandaan LOL. Kemarin gue sempet brokenheart sama orang lain juga curhatnya masih ke dia kok, tapi saat itu kan dia sudah menjadi suami orang :)
Jadi intinya ya, dia tahu gue pernah suka. Itu udah jadi gossip pas jaman sekolah. Tapi mungkin dia ga sadar kalau dia tetap punya posisi yg ga pernah bisa digantikan, somewhere deep inside my heart, just a little part but irreplaceable. But he's not for me. Never.

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Sekarang istrinya sudah mau melahirkan anak pertamanya sebentar lagi. Dia akan jadi Ayah yang baik karena dari dulu dia suka bangettt anak kecil, dulu suka kirim gambar-gambar ponakannya. Hehe.

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aku pernah bgt loh ada di posisi kamu sumpah. dan to be honest I still regret all of those times sampe skrg. bahkan ada kalanya, sampai tahun lalu setidaknya, aku marah dan pengen nyalahin mereka, mereka yg bikin aku gak serajin aku yg biasanya dan mungkin merupakan alasan knp aku ada di sini dan bukan di jurusan yg aku mimpiin. aku gatau ya kamu ngerasanya gimana sama temen2 kamu, tp kalo aku sih waktu itu emg happy. jelas lah? ga belajar, tiap hari ke sekolah buat main2 doang gosip2 ngobrol ga jelas ga peduli nilai ga ada bagus2nya. but I got a really big slap on my face ketika akhirnya aku daftar undangan ke ITB dan gak keterima. I'd been dreaming of it for the rest of my life back then, jd waktu aku gak keterima rasanya kayak my worst brokenheart bgt... itu yg bikin aku wake up dan berkali2 bilang sama diri sendiri buat stop wasting my time and start running for my dream krn aku udah ditinggal kejauhan sm mimpiku. udah gak bisa cuma sekedar 'go for your dream' lagi, udah harus lari hahaha. aku gatau gimana cara nyemangatin teman2 kamu soalnya kadang cara apapun gak akan mempan kalau pada dasarnya mereka emg begitu. maybe you should focus on your dream first tp sambil tetep ajakin mereka buat belajar. kalo mereka gamau, too bad but you have to leave. trust me, you don't want to sacrifice your dream untuk kesenangan yg fana.

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