#cigarettes

Many times. My entire family, in my opinion, was toxic. While most normal families were drinking water or milk, my mother, brothers and sisters preferred alcohol, cigarettes, gossip and hate. And those attributes are the elements of extraordinary toxicity.

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At age 18 I was in love with my first girl friend who swore on a bible that she loved me until one day I caught her sleeping with another boy and then she slightly modified her story to include both boys. Her justification was that it was perfectly normal to love multiple men and therefore I should simply accept her distorted perception of reality, which I refused to do. In retrospect, breaking up with Ruth was the best thing that could have happened because at age 18 I was naive and had no idea that humans, and in particular females, could be so dishonest, deceptive and manipulative. It was a lesson I will never ever forget.

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Lastly, there have been many male friendships that were extremely toxic and not worth a pot to pee in. Once again I learned the hard way that people will say and do anything to get what they want. And so I decided to study some psychology while in college and specifically "Abnormal Psychology." After being hurt so many times I was determined to understand human nature and what motivated people so I could protect my own self interests, which I have done and continue to do.

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Life is tough and those who survive (1) learn from their mistakes and (2) establish personal boundaries with other people to protect themselves from a variety of potential abuses perpetrated by liars, thief's and unscrupulous scoundrels who do not give a damn about you, your family or your health and well being. So as a matter of common sense, it is imperative that we learn to understand human nature and human intent whenever we are dealing with other people.

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🚫 Being abusive
🚫 Being an addict
🚫 Excessive selfishness. Like if someone thinks it's okay for a child to go without clothes that fit or shoes that don't have holes in them, but they themselves can't go without a pack of cigarettes or getting their nails done...they shouldn't be reproducing.
🚫 Immaturity with no desire to grow up or be better for their child.
🚫 People like Erika. People who are incapable of living on their own due to being extremely mentally unstable & outright toxic to everyone they interact with. Ie unfit to function in society let alone be around children or raise them.

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This doesn't necessarily make someone unfit but it very, very, very much bothers me so i'm adding it: People who prioritize their partner over their child. Like they love their partner more than their child and center their life around their partners wants/needs/happiness/time & not their child's. I know people like this & it irritates tf outta me

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- Tu paies pour te flinguer les poumons.
- Tu soutiens financièrement l'action d'un gouvernement qui prétend interdire les drogues mais en légalise certaines (tabac et alcool surtout) parce que l'argent des taxes passe avant la santé publique.
- Tu risques de chopper un cancer de la gorge, des poumons, ou les deux.
- Ça risque grandement de te pourrir les dents aussi.
- Fumer va t'essouffler, tu vas galérer à faire du sport à mesure que tu fumes, même courir pourrait devenir difficile.
- Tu paieras encore plus cher si fumer rend des soins nécessaires pour toi — que ce soit financièrement ou physiquement.
- Le tabagisme est un facteur de risque du diabète.
- Ce que tu dépenses en cigarettes pourrait servir à autre chose.
- Tu fumes pour éviter le stress alors qu'il y a d'autres moyens plus viables de le faire.
- Fumer pour éviter un problème ne règle pas le problème en question.

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No, not at all.
Although I am cognizant of the fact that we have no control over who our parents are, if God were to allow me to live again, I would insist on one fundamental change: I would want parents that were college educated, well read and able to provide learning opportunities for me that my parents were unable to provide. If this first criteria could not be met then I would prefer to not exist. Life is difficult enough without having parents who are functionally illiterate and unable to actively participate in their children's learning process.

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That is the primary change I would request. This is not to say that my parents were bad people but, for example, my mother dropped out of school in the 8th grade, was illiterate and was also an alcoholic who smoked 3 packs of cigarettes her entire adult life until she died from cancer. My father was a hard worker who graduated from high school, but never read books or found it necessary to acquire knowledge and was satisfied reading the local newspaper. He also believed that participation in sports was a waste of time and believed that music was a hobby and should never be taken seriously. He was not amused that I graduated from Berklee College of Music as he honestly believed it to be a complete waste of time. Although I loved my parents I also felt that their negative attitudes (24x7) were indeed a liability for me as well as my brothers and sisters. So instead of complaining, I decided to pick myself up and become self sufficient and live a life in pursuit of knowledge and understanding, free from the negativity of family and friends who seem to be experts at discouraging success with their proclamations of pending doom and failure.

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Forcing myself to become independent and self sufficient while never quitting or giving up on my dream to be a guitarist and engineer, resulted in many excellent employment opportunities for me that I am forever grateful for. And yet, I sometimes wonder how much more proficient I might have been if the environment I grew up in was more positive and supportive.

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I am certain that many of us have had similar experiences where we play the "what if" game, right? Honestly, I do let these thoughts interfere with my life and mostly I chase them out of my mind whenever they appear because negative thoughts like these are beyond my control and are not productive. But the question posed, forced me to address the issue and I wanted to see if I could write something profound that might help some of my followers who have also have suffered from abuse or difficult and toxic environments. Thanks.

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Well, it's may be good but that's the truth I said there. I didn't try to comfort you. People used to regret when the time is over to make it out. Right now, you may feel broken but you will feel better when you will realize that it's her lose but not yours and you will have the real smile. You can cry in your room alone (Don't believe in those rubbish words as been told man can't cry) but don't show your tears to any human I repeat NO ONE because your tears are precious and you can't let this use by people for their self motives. I won't say you to move on because it's not that easy like I am typing this now. But you should focus on your goals now which you had beside your affair. Last but not the least, Don't drink alcohol which has more than 5% ABV; Smoke but Regular cigarettes but don't touch Light/Lite cigarettes.

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Deciding to move. I had a job and good friends but no career in my extremely small town. I decided to move over 1500kms away to be nearer my family and to attend university, when my son was almost 3. Hardest decision ever. I regret it in many ways, but also don't, because I got my degree and a career, just have minimal friends and one family member still around here, everyone else moved away! My son loves it here and refuses to consider moving back to a place he doesn't even recall. I can't afford to move back anyway.
Left owning a franchise restaurant, to become a police officer. I had pretty good money coming in, power over decisions, "status", and a " guaranteed future" (not to mention all the alchol and drugs at my disposal). I decided to leave it all and become clean (still drink but quit cigarettes and drugs) . I chose this path as I was always sold on the fact that making 100k+ and having status was the goal in life but as I got to that level, I realized life is what you make of it and you should spend your time doing things that you want to do and that you seem valuable. I always wanted to be in the military/ police but was always told I was too smart for that and that I should go to business school so I did, but that's not what I wanted . So now here at 26 years old (which is still young imo), I'm finally doing things for myself instead of "what's right"
Cutting my brother out of my life. He threatened to hurt my daughter after years of being a bully to me, that was an easy decision. The hard part is sticking by that decision when my parents and family refuse to accept this and use every pressure/manipulation to sweep it under the rug and make me change my mind. Sorry I’m not going to pretend my unemployable 35yo brother who spends his days smoking pot, gambling and gaming is normal and there’s no way my kids are growing thinking him and his behaviour is normal either.
Moving home after my house and workplace got torn up in a typhoon. I had to choose between roughing it out with not enough money to move, and the prospect of living without power and possibly without water for the next few months; OR moving back to my very small hometown with little to do, very few job prospects, people who never liked me, but with a free house and car at my disposal.
Breaking up with my first girlfriend. For the first few years it was really difficult. So difficult that I don't even clearly remember those years. 18 years later I had an "episode" and started remembering our relationship more. I wound up having panic/anxiety attacks first the first time in my life and had to stay in a mental hospital for 3 days because I was constantly crying. Dem medz helped a lot... Love makes us do crazy things...
Now, a year later, I’m in a loving relationship with an honest man. My past sometimes does rear its ugly head, but my boyfriend is very understanding and supportive and helps me to let it go.

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