#dating

My most recent ex broke up with me at the beginning of quarantine. She kinda had a breakdown. I lost her the dog and her home that we lived in together that I had put countless hours of labor into redoing and updating it. It broke my heart. Crushed me. I had been looking for an engagement ring. Good news we hung out this past weekend. She told me how fucked up she was mentally at that time and she realizes now what we had and were building to. She wants to start hanging out again and work to try to bring our relationship back to even better then it was. Going to be a long process but I think I want to try. I've had some pretty shitty things said to me, but I think the most painful breakup was the guy who said nothing. I felt like I was the only one making any effort, and I felt very sad and neglected. I stopped making an effort to spend time with him and he didn't contact me for FIVE WEEKS, then he happened to run into me in town and asked, "So did we break up?" ANNDDD he already had a new girlfriend who was living with him because he decided to cheat on me since I 'wasn't paying attention to him'. This is after YEARS of doting over him, hoping that he would care about me back. I felt like a complete fool and like I had wasted years of the prime of my life. I guess when I decided to back off I had hoped he would reach out to me and make some romantic gesture to win me back, but instead he found an underage girl to do drugs with and stick his dick in. Joke's on me!
It was a wall of text he sent me while I was neck deep in exam stress. It was basically a huge rant about poor him for having to go back into the dating scene again. Nothing about his feelings for me, just how much it sucks for him not to be in a relationship. That really cemented the paranoia I had that he was just with me because he wanted to be in a relationship, not because he wanted to be with me.
Then when we broke up he said, “I’ve decided I like having a girlfriend, I just don’t like you.” Both those things have actually haunted me for years. I still don’t believe there is actually anything particularly attractive/special about me, I think the guys who have been with me just kind of wanted a warm body and I happened to be there at the time.
During our first split: “She was the only person I could see myself with, besides you.” (After I found a text message back before we were married...He was trying to get this girl to agree that they would both leave their respective fiancés. She told him it was weird and she was not leaving her fiancé. Apparently he contacted her with this idea unsolicited. He sent the note about a month before we were married. I found it about a year after we were married. )
During the grand finale about 2 years later: “you are so PATHETIC. You’ll find someone else, God! Just leave me alone!” ( after he told me he wanted a divorce and I asked him if he was really sure that this is what he wanted.

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Bring it up but no, 5 dates and sleeping with someone in this day and age is not cause for any assumption of any kind. So ask and see where he stands. Also 5 dates over what time frame? When I really like someone I probably see them 5 times in the first 2.5 weeks, which is definitely too soon to declare exclusivity. Sometimes it is 5 times over a month, which timewise may be more reasonable, but you're only seeing them once a week which means you probably aren't exclusive.
It is the moment to bring it up when you either want to or you feel worse for not doing so. It's an awkward conversation, so I think you just need to focus more on taking the leap. It's good to lead with an unambiguous statement so that you don't chicken out and backtrack. "Hey, Hotstuff, I was wondering if we could just touch base on things. How do you feel about this? . . . Okay, so how would you feel about being a couple?" Don't get sidetracked by what he says -- remember what you want to hear. If he goes, "hey, you're really special to me, and I really like you." that is not an answer. An answer would be "hey, you're really special to me, and I really like you. I would really like to be a couple with you." Or "I need more time to figure things out" (at which point you have to give a deadline or risk being a warm body getting strung along). Be firm and don't lose sight.
Bring it up or it isn't official. Even if you personally decide to stop seeing other people and see where it ends up, there isn't anything until you both agree to it, in explicit terms. Even if that's just a "Hey, want to stop seeing other people?" "Yeah, sure, that sounds good," some sort of mutual agreement has to be reached.
I've been on like five dates with this guy and I already slept with him. I've never slept with anyone so soon after dating, so I'm not sure if at this point, do we consider ourselves getting to the point where we should stop seeing other people or not? We're both pretty shy people and I don't know how the "talk" starts about being in a monogamous relationship. When should we consider ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend? After how much time? Will I feel if a moment is right? How do you bring it up without it being awkward?

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I hate to admit it, but based upon my own observations and experience, there is no doubt that some folks are using askfm as a "dating site." They are hoping to find their twin flame, soul mate and eternal love. Personally, I could care less as I see no harm in it; however, for those of us who enjoy writing it can be a distraction because if we are not careful we can get caught up in the senseless drama and our writing and words can be turned against us and used as weapons whenever these lovers disagree with us or perceive that we have posted something that they find offensive or targeted at them and therefore feel compelled to report the post as "hate speech."

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So one of my short term goals is to find a platform that encourages and celebrates proficient writers and does not promote itself, as askfm does, as a "dating site." I am not at all interested in the drama that seems all too prevalent on sites that promote flirting, dating, sexting, hookups and other clandestine activities.

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Because for many men, dating is not worth their time or effort. I think most men understand that to achieve the result you desire, you must expend a certain amount of energy, time and effort. And this energy, time and effort must be proportional to the outcome you envision. The problem becomes when the amount of effort required to achieve a satisfactory outcome is disproportionate to the energy and time expended.

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In todays Woke Cancel Culture driven by radical feminists, where men are perceived as supremacists, misogynists, pedophiles, abusers, mansplainers, sexual predators, and toxic masculinity, some men have simply lost interest and given up on women. In fact, I know many young men who would prefer to play video games then spend time with women. Think about that for a moment. Young men choose video games over women. Wow!!

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The question is, whose fault is it?

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My father used to say:
"if you kick a dog long enough, eventually the dog will bite you and then run away." Dad was correct.

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* The attached quote by a radical feminist says it all and unfortunately demonstrates why some men prefer video games and prefer the friendship of other men over the company of women who insult, demean and denigrate men.

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And how do they verify that an account was created by someone under age 18? If I recall, when you create an account they ask you your age and you enter any number you feel like, right? Besides, many of those accounts I am referring to are people over the age of 18, or so they claim. You've got 40 year old women chasing 23 year old men and in one case a 45 year old married woman with 2 children in college sexting and scheduling hookups with young men half her age.

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I've been here since 2015 and in that time I have seen it all. So in my humble opinion, while askfm might not technically be a "dating app" many people over the age of 18 are using for that. And when you think of it it makes sense. askfm is perfect for developing relationships, especially if you are a good writer and have something useful and thought provoking to say. And what woman have you ever met who doesn't enjoy a good poem or well written love song, right?
So I completely understand why people over age 18 use askfm to develop serious long term relationships and I have no problem with it; except, that is not what I am looking for. I am a writer, pure and simple and do not want to complicate my life.

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I think the primary reason tumblr became irrelevant is due to their business decision to remove all porn. Several years most of the tumblr accounts were dedicated to porn which resulted in a demand for their services.

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Personally, I decided to delete my tumblr account, which was where I had posted over 200 original poems, because they changed my password and I could no longer perform edit functions. After unsuccessfully reaching out to tumblr to correct the problem, I got frustrated and deleted my account and along with it over 400 followers. I will never use tumblr again.

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And to be honest, I am very close to leaving askfm. Why?
Because askfm used to be fun when it was mostly used for questions and answers, but it seems now it has become a dating application where many people are looking for a partner or some type of long term relationship which I have no interest in

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I have been looking for a social network dedicated to writers, but most require a monthly subscription fee which I am not willing to pay for. So I think what I will try doing with askfm is sending more anonymous questions to avoid the Woke Cowards from constantly reporting my account as "hate speech" which I am not only frustrated with but totally bored with. So ya, my days hanging around askfm are coming to and end. Freedom of speech no longer exists in America.

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I had always been worried about getting old and sleeping on the street without anything, and that's not going to happen, but in terms of health, I've been really abusing my health for the past 3 years and I've been struggling to regain my full health back, I didn't realize health was so important, I thought I'm immune to illness, haha, I was deluded, hopefully, I can, I need to exercise a lot before it's too late.

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As for my mental health, drinking seemed to intensify my paranoia, and I was excluded from reality for this reason, so I gave up on it for good, my God, my health had been gradually deteriorating for many years without paying attention to it, and it was hard to get back on my feet again, I've been completely insane for so many years, can you imagine a crazy person dating, socializing and studying, can you imagine that! It's kind of an accomplishment, and I'm glad to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but now my issue is with my reputation, I've totally ruined my reputation, and I'm ashamed about it, so I cut people off entirely, to be fair, some were utterly mean and not worth my time and some were taking advantage of me.

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I was supposed to be in a mental health hospital for a while but there was no one to guide me or support me financially so I have exclusively given up on humanity and empathy and now I am learning how to live alone and focus on my work and get more experience. My co-workers are so amazing they helped me in all ways possible, I owe them my life, they noticed my slowness and loss of confidence and helped me feel good about myself again, I think the majority are INTP and ENFJ, I thought the workplace is all unhealthy and competitive environment, I was wrong, still skeptical, I don't want to be naive again, I know human nature now, they are all full of shit and a sense of superiority.

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I also aspire to strengthen my relationship with my family, sisters, and my colleagues.

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