#distance

I think I've been actually hitting this:

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Age of mine where I am actually feeling dark isn't scary but it is peaceful~
Age where I feel people screaming, protesting and mourning while hurting themselves isn't scary but the silence and noise inside one's head is~
Age where I am no more afraid of crying but afraid of getting the emotions bottled up and not letting them out to the point they become inexpressible~
Age where I am no more afraid of feeling the pain but developing a habit of befriending it to the point that it becomes numb~
Age where I see the stars and no more wonder they are far away but think of the distance they have travelled~

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So, the lesson I teach myself every single time is "When it feels scary to jump in, it is exactly the pount when you jump in! Because you cannot stay at the same place where you are forever. So just forgo the FEAR that says WHAT IF? and grab the string of FAITH that says EVEN IF!"✨

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The witch gifted with magical abilities walked leisurely through New York in yet another of her attempts to have what she called the "illusion of a normal life", although, deep down, she knew it was useless. She would never forget what she had done in Westview, she would never forget the horrors she could do when strong emotions like anger and grief overcame her.
Still, Wanda was willing to turn that page once and for all. While she studied her powers in depth in a deserted and silent place, at the same time, she tried to get acquainted with people who did not alter or manipulate realities. Instead of the red Scarlet Witch costume, she began to wear short black dresses and ankle boots more frequently, in a style very close to gothic.
Wanda was leaving a coffee shop when she heard a nearby voice greet her and say her name. The witch looked over her shoulder, raising her eyebrows, and stopped walking when she noticed the owner of the male voice.

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— Hello...(?) — Wanda couldn't avoid the questioning tone in her voice; This boy knew her, it was obvious, Wanda was famous in almost everyone for being a member of the Avengers, but she was certain that she had never met this boy before. Her gaze became more attentive to the pair of red wings he had.

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Harley, as always, went to jail, which explains why she didn't upset any heroes. With her release from jail, the blonde was walking through the streets when she came across a chase that was taking place on the other side of the street where she was. Curious, the clown ran there to find out who was being followed by who. Arriving there, Harley realized that the scene was a man running from a female silhouette that revealed itself to be Wonder Woman. Harley smiled and decided to follow the heroine to try to help her capture the thief. Soon, her surprise was so great when the Amazon took flight and her gaze followed the boy's body being thrown by her into the distance. Harley laughed and jumped a few times along with clapping as she celebrated the thief's defeat and stopped towards the woman, smiling.

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— Hey! Hello, Wonder Woman "Hottie"!

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Well, einerseits ist es sehr persönlich formuliert, andererseits zu unspezifisch und allgemein gehalten. Wenn ich darauf eingehe, würde ich mich gerne auf das "schmerzhaft" begrenzen, da "Ungerechtigkeit" für mein Erleben viel zu abstrakt und individuell ist. Ich kann Dinge, die ich "falsch" finde, für andere Leute ganz gut "definieren", aber ich habe über die Jahre eine - wie ich finde recht gesunde - Distance zu Begriffen wie "gerecht" aufgebaut.

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Prinzipiell halte ich sehr viel von der Kriemhildsage und halte sie für großartig, aber die allermeisten Dinge, die mir "widerfahren" sind, sind dafür viel zu banal. Und die eine andere Sache ist zu lange her und zu stark im Fluss der Zeit erstickt - etwas, das die Täte.rin - nicht ganz so symbolisch - auch gerne von mir hätte sagen wollen, was aber bedauerlicherweise nicht ganz so geklappt hat.

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Was die ganz alltäglichen Verletzungen angeht, ist es tragischerweise genauso wie es Daughter in "Youth" beschrieb:
"And if you're still ble.eding, you're the lucky ones
'Cause most of our feelings, they are déad and they are gone
We're setting fire to our insides for fun
Collecting pictures from a flood that wrecked our home
It was a flood that wrecked this"

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Mit der Zeit stumpft man ab, bis es gewissermaßen egal ist. Das trifft auf die ernsthaften Dinge nicht zu. Es gibt Dinge, die immer bleiben, die aber nur noch mit mir etwas zu tun haben, nicht mit der Täte.rin. Mich triggert auch nichts mehr. Als ich mit 15 das geniale Album "Holywood" gehört habe, hat mich ein Auszug aus "In The Shadow of The Valley of De.ath" ziemlich getriggert:
"She put the seeds in me
Plant this dy.ing tree
She's a burning string
And I'm just the ashes"
Das war im Original ganz anders gemeint, aber das hat mich seinerzeit (zusammen mit der vorherigen Lektüre der Satanischen Bibel) ein Vern.ichtungsritual gegen diese Person vorzunehmen - mit allen Klischeedingen, die für einen Teenager dabei eine Rolle spielen. Aber es war insofern erfolgreich, dass ich seitdem überhaupt gar keine Gefühle diesen Menschen gegenüber habe. Was geschehen ist, hat Nachwirkungen hinterlassen, die aber emotional vollkommen von dieser Person abgekoppelt sind.

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Ansonsten wiegt für mich oft eher das schwerer, was ich selbst Leuten "angetan" habe - auch wenn das zu dramatisch formuliert ist. Ich schrieb Dir einmal vor langer Zeit, was das Schlimmste war, was jemand zu mir gesagt hat - und das war als Reaktion auf eine (ebenfalls banale, alltägliche) Verletzung von Gefühlen. Ich versuche so gut es geht, selbst Menschen gegenüber nicht "ungerecht" in meiner Interpretation zu sein.

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Und hinsichtlich sozialer Ungleichheiten bin ich generell linker als die meisten linken Parteien - allerdings sehr exklusiv auf dieses Thema bezogen. Es gibt auch Dinge, dazu zählt evtl. auch das, was mir wiederfahren ist, für die es für mich selbst als nahezu unanständig empfände, sie zu "verzeihen". Es gibt Dinge, die man nicht verzeihen sollte.

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Yeah I’ve had that happen. Some friends fell out but then look stupid once they saw it was just that rumors. But won’t come back around because of what they did when they believe said rumors. I’ve had whole friend groups switch up because either someone spread a ill-intent rumor or only told their part of the story to make themselves look good. Sadly, you can’t decide who they choose to believe rather if it’s true or false.

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Sometimes rumors turn out to be true if you look into it. I had a acquaintance who had rumors about them and it turned to be true. When confronted they became a whole bully. So now they just look guilty and glad and thankful I was told about how they are. But you always gotta look into it yourself and make the choice on your own.

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When people spread rumors about you, you gotta defend yourself or admit to it if it’s true. If they distance themselves and don’t even try to fact check, they already had suspicions about you. But if it’s just lies, just keep doing you and they’ll look stupid when they truth comes out. Hope all is well Merve!

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PL: Tak, niektórym ludziom już na samym początku znajomości powinnam zasugerować szybkie oraz nagłe oddalenie się od mojej osoby w wybranym przez siebie kierunku. 😌
Żałuję też, że dzisiaj nie zje***am motorniczej w tramwaju, nacisnęłam guzik, że ma się zatrzymać i otworzyć drzwi, a ta, patrząc mi prosto w oczy, pojechała dalej, tępa ci**, i musiałam łazić kawał drogi jak pajac. 🤡

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ENG: Yes, I should suggest to some people, at the very beginning of our relationship, that they should quickly and suddenly move away from me in the direction of their choice. 😌
I also regret that today I didn't mess up with the tram driver, I pressed the button for her to stop and open the door, and she, looking me straight in the eye, drove on, stupid b**ch, and I had to walk for a long distance like a f***ing clown. 🤡

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That's a very good question! Let me explain it:
I don't. 😄

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The last six months were so exhausting, I stopped hitting the gym and keeping track of anything that could be good for my body in any way. The only activity were the doggo-walks.
But (!) I have some exercises that I want to start doing again. For example: Pressing your back against the wall and stretching your neck, while pushing your chin down to your chest - without losing contact to the wall, of course. Tense your belly muscles while pressing against the wall and try to press as much skin against it as possible. Do it a few times during the day, hold it some time (I have no idea for how long exactly; I do it for like... a minute or sth.?) and that's it. What I did as a child: my grandma made a game out of balancing a book at the top of our heads. It worked wonders.
Another exercise is: Laying flat on your belly and holding a towel with strechted arms above your head, while facing the floor; don't move your head in any other direction. Hold the towel with both hands at a distance that your head could fit in there and then pull the towel outwards, while tensing your whole body and lifting your feet and shoulders as if there was a string attached. Keep your head facing down while doing so. Hold it for a minute. You'll feel this in your whole back. :D and the rest of your body. Hell, I felt it in every fiber when I first started it, as I was very stiff and had to start with baby steps again.
These are three very simple exercises that fit in every time schedule. I mean... i could've done all of them instead of writing this answer. 😄
Oh, and I hope that my way of explaining is understandable. I can imagine that one have absolutely no clue what I've tried to describe. Maybe I I'll find a tutorial (if necessary) that I could attach to the answer. :)

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And sorry for any errors or spelling mistakes that could impede the reading flow.

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On any given day, the jester walked the streets of Gotham thinking about what she could do, although boredom bothered her. Harley was so submerged in her random thoughts until she was approached by a group of guys who were henchmen of another guy, but a mobster, who ordered his henchmen to capture her due to a huge amount of money she owed him after a mission which was given to him by him to rob a bank in the city, after all, this mobster knew of the clown's exceptional skills and would like her to do this favor for him, and in the end, both of them would split the amount without any problem, but what happened was that Harley did not comply with the due agreement. She simply disappeared with the amount she stole, and this only made the mobster angry and told one of his henchmen before that it wasn't a good idea because Harley always deceived people, even the most powerful people in the city like this mobster. She owed almost everyone she got in the way of and always made up weak excuses to have to postpone the return of their belongings which never happened, everyone she owed wanted her d*ad now. She was cornered by the group into a nearby alley, they were all armed and ready to take her life right now. Harley now got into a physical fight against them to get out of there alive as soon as possible. She was trying to dodge the blows from their weapons when unfortunately she was immobilized by them, one of them who was coordinating the group, was pointing the gu*n at her head ready to shoot. It was then that her blue irises saw the silhouette of a beautiful girl in the distance who witnessed everything there, also attracting the attention of the guys. Harley screamed for her to get away from there or her life would also be taken and she wondered if the girl had understood her even though she was still standing at the entrance to that alley.

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I no longer take the random thoughts I get for granted, thinking that "anyone could come up with this". Or to assume that everyone would naturally come to the same conclusions I would if they were presented with the same data.
I thought that it would not be that special if I didn't exert much effort into it.

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Now, I exploit that fact and make people believe that it's the hardest and most special discovery and that they would be idiots if they didn't worship the outcome that would "change their lives".

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Sometimes, I do revert to my automatic behaviour. So to avoid slipping up, I keep some distance and some air of righteousness. I also try to keep my mouth shut and observe more than I react or speak up.
It's harder than it seems to be honest, but I have to do it, otherwise, I'd be exploited by my superiors and colleagues.

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I’ve never been stalked to the point where I was worried for my life but I have caught the eye of my neighbor back when I lived in my hometown. We took the same bus home and he stopped where I got off and looked at me from a distance, as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the courage to say it. I wish I looked back and spoke to him that day, rather than incessantly knocking on the door to my house and trying to go inside ASAP. Also, another time I felt I was being stalked was when I was in Turkey and this guy was following me around and kept his eye on me while we were shopping with my grandma and friend. I thought he was cute and would’ve stopped to talk to him but I knew my grandma would tell my mom about it and my parents would be more reluctant to send me off to Turkey again if I pulled a move like that so I didn’t say anything to him. He eventually left when I was inside the store for a while as I was trying on new clothes since I couldn’t see him anywhere around after I was done shopping.

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