#draw

Haha usually I'm a bit low on money around this time of year, due to buying things for Christmas. However this year I have savings I've tucked away and so I decided I'd buy some of the things I've been wanting for a long time but didn't due to waiting for sales etc. I bought a new sewing machine earlier in the week, my last one is vintage and unfortunately recently had issues and needs to be looked at, so I used this as an opportunity to finally upgrade. Got like £200 off the original price, bargainnnnnn.

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I'm also looking into getting a new graphics tablet, one with a screen as I've wanted one for ages, and my usual tablet is one of the basic black wacom ones. And I feel like having one with a screen, will help me draw with more ease and also possibly help push my art forward too in skill/quality.

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“Death is not real, even in the Relative sense — it is but Birth to a new life — and You shall go on, and on, and on, to higher and still higher planes of life, for aeons upon aeons of time. The Universe is your home, and you shall explore its farthest recesses before the end of Time. You are dwelling in the Infinite Mind of THE ALL, and your possibilities and opportunities are infinite, both in time and Space. And at the end of the Grand Cycle of Aeons, when THE ALL shall draw back into itself all of its creations — you will go gladly, for you will then be able to know the Whole Truth of being At One with THE ALL. Such is the report of the Illumined — those who have advanced well along The Path.
And, in the meantime, rest calm and serene — you are safe and protected by the Infinite Power of the FATHER-MOTHER MIND.”

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(Hope my image restriction is temporary. This would have been better as an image.)

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I'm always changing my opinion on stuff, mainly my own balances. For example the balance between how much self satisfaction I need for complete happiness, and how much of that comes from outer influences like relationships and compliments.

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Loops of mentally self harming myself with how I interact with others.
I tend to be logical. Sometimes to a fault as a few friends have said. I've made some decisions with love that were logical and I delivered them that way. While I wasn't wrong it wasn't sensitive of the other person involved. That doesn't mean I'm emotionless. In fact I'm quite expressive with how I feel and what I believe in, I just tend to form opinions and base decisions on logic rather than emotion. While generally good this leads to some interpersonal conflicts with more free spirited people but nothing horrible. I'm also extremely ambiverted. Some days I just want to hang out with people and others I don't want to see anyone. It comes and goes. I'm also a huge nerd so if you get me to start talking about something I like I'll never shut up because I get excited talking with people who have the same interests. It takes a bit to draw me out of my shell sometimes and it's easier for some and not others, but if you do I'm generally a good person to have around.
As much as I hate the Marilyn Monroe quote and all who use it, I have noticed a large difference between the best I can be and the worst I can be and I don't know how I raise the bar for the worst I can be. Producers are emotionally balanced, which means that they are less prone to depression and are able to cope well with feelings of anxiety, anger and vulnerability. Due to their independence and reserve, sometimes the Producer can be perceived as arrogant or unfriendly, however this is merely because they don't require the same level of social stimulation or interaction that others may seek. The Producer generally prefers fact over fiction and security and stability over ambiguity and disorder. Sticking with convention and familiar routines is generally best. With a sense of social responsibility and a general trust in others, Producers are often seen as sincere and generous. However the Producer has a refreshing impulsiveness about them, they tend to dislike too many rules and regulations and can be casual and whimsical. In an intense battle with myself over my own personality. One half wants to be friendly and happy, the other wants to be alone, and can't find enough of a reason to be happy. So far, it results in a mess that tries to function like an average person, but ends up either constantly making references, or constantly insulting itself through jokes. At least, in front of others. When alone, the "Can't find enough of a reason to be happy" side grows quickly.

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🌷 The recent life lesson I've learnt was something I needed to weigh very carefully, in terms of what's right and wrong. It's about what is just and setting up boundaries. Even though in Islam it's encouraged to live in harmony with others, I have come to a conclusion that fulfilling the rights of others is as equally as important as fulfilling my own rights. So deciding to have nothing to do with people who had continuously caused trouble in my life, is me protecting and being fair to myself.

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If the most sacred relationship such as marriage was given the right to end - under unjust circumstances, though Allah (swt) himself hated divorce, Allah made it halal because Allah is Al-'Adl. A person has the right to feel respected, honoured, dignified, feel loved and have peace of mind in the relationship. So what more compared to a less sacred type of relationships, such as with relatives, "friends" or a stranger? Why do I have to continue to give a person the opportunity to do what they do? If someone deliberately causing trouble, acting too proud to apologize and acknowledge their awful behaviour, and then lie. How can anyone expect me to be ok and fake how I feel? I do know my rights. So I draw the boundary with such people in order to protect my emotional and mental health, and most importantly to protect my family.

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Those kind of person have no space nor reason to be in my life. But of course it all depends on the gravity of what they did. The lesson I've learnt is how to honour my own rights and to have peace of mind. Before we can love and be kind to others, we need to know how to love and be kind to ourselves first. Sometimes, some people need to be taught a lesson, they need to acknowledge their mistakes and apologize before expecting to be forgiven. Otherwise nothing is learnt, and therefore nothing will ever change in their behaviour nor the situation.

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1722*2022*11*10

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Because sometimes people want someone for all the wrong reasons, likes to hurt people emotionally, mentally instead of releasing them, reacting in a malicious an evil way. It says, does things that lure your heart in, it makes you develop strong feelings. Some people are impulsive with love, fall to quick with love. They think by looking at you, how you dressan how you talk an how your heart responds is someone thats similar to me, ends up falling hard with love.
Which isn't good because these people want to be loved, treated with respect. I'm actually one of those people. When I fall for a guy its head over heels, I become obsessed an foolish infatuated with him. I become vigorous , usually want to be heart of, noticed. Then I get all mushy, creative inside when I have a crush on someone. But usually my relationships end up short lived because what I want isn't something a girl should be chasing the guy, doing the work. Which is why I actually stopped doing that. When I was younger in high school I used to chase a guy, stick to one guy an then I become obsessed with him. Now it's I wanna know everything about you or be near you, flutter you with affection an attention. The problem is youre not my type, so back away. The nice thing is..I want to be noticed, you'll either want me or don't. Then..when I'm heart broken its boo boo, I'm sad. But hey..at least I tried, I got your attention. It didn't work out, but at least this person feels admired, happy that you found interest of crushing on me but its a no. Then you have the guys saying high..she's cute, yea..I will go out with her, slam I get dumped within a week. I'm getting to wrapped up, clingy an mushy to much. Bow the guy hates my temperament, doesn't get my mind. I sound nutty or owts not sharp witted of understanding me. Now.. I'm heart broken, looking for someone new or how about letting the guy come to you, chase you instead. Sometimes..a cougar goes better with a archer or a ram. Or maybe a water carrier or a Gemini or a Libra moon. Sometimes not knowing why you act the way you do..will eventually appear as you get older, actually find your twin that's kinda similar to your temperament. Sometimes its better for a guy to take the lead, show he's obsessed an into you.
Uh, I don't know. Why do you think you have? What's the reason why you shouldn't? Don't be ashamed to have feelings, unless they related to you, than that will be where ya draw the line. Don't do anything, and talk to a counselor about it if it's that. If it's just someone who's different qnd believes differently than you that's not the biggest deal as long as you agree on morals and religion. If it's your enemy than you'll figure it out. Just don't tell them. Short lived relationship are never good.

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Katerina thrived in the fact that she hadn't lost her touch, her effect on him, she studied his features, his heartbeat and every other uncontrollable sign of utter devotion that he failed to hide.
Katherine's lips gave a chuckle against his own once she felt his hands trail down her back then giving her a light squeeze. She was swiftly stripped of her shirt and in the tangled mess that they became, she felt the soft mattress beneath her back with Damon hovering on top of her. A moment flashed of the last time he had taken this position on top of her for other reasons than violence. Her fingers gripped at the nape of his neck as she tugged him down, longing for closure.
A smirk dragged the corners of her pink lips upwards; knowing what she knew, Damon's hand on her neck did nothing more than arouse her further. she was aware he knew his threats meant very little after all that took place earlier and she only found that even more amusing.
Even with the choke hold on her neck, Katherine made no move but relax her arms on each side of her head, fully giving herself over, simultaneously daring him to carry on whatever threats and promises he gave. "Are you sure that's what you're mad at and not that confession of eternal love you gave me on your deathbed?" Katherine teased with raised eyebrows.
His head dipped lower and she could feel him lowering her jeans and panties in one swoosh, just in the time she took to rid herself of the black lacy bra trapping her breasts; she was sure Damon would appreciate this contribution once he lifted his eyes to meet hers. Katherine decided not to wait though, she was quick flipping their position, holding his hands on either side of his head with just enough strength to make his release challenging; a favorite move of hers back when he was still human. "I'm sure I can earn your forgiveness though." Katherine provoked with a smirk, slowly lowering her head to plant soft, open-mouthed kissed along his neck, collarbone and shoulders then traced her kisses backwards all the way to his neck, hovering over there, tightly holding onto whatever self restraint she still had while dark veins pumped just under her eyes, she couldn’t but give in, just a little nip at his skin just hard enough to draw a thick drop of crimson blood that she quickly lapped with her tongue, attempting to savor the taste appreciatively. She let go of his hands. Coming back up to meet his gaze in all of her naked glory “I'm sorry, I couldn’t resist, you're just too tasty.” She playfully apologized, she knew it wasn’t that fair since he hadn’t gotten to taste her yet but she couldn’t help her hunger for him, a hunger that needs to be satisfied in more than one way.

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(...) He walked away and she followed, steps quickening to catch up. She choose to practically brush off what just happened once she spoke again, looking ahead as they approached the entrance. Her hand slipped into his and she held it tightly. "Here, I'm Emily." She whispered to him, flashing a passing hotel worker a warm smile. "Your name's Mason." Katherine informed, a provocative smirk lifting the corners of her lips as she watched Damon's from the corner of her eye, anticipating a reaction at the fact she'd chosen her ex werewolf lover's name for the booking; an ex that Damon was so proud to have killed.

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"We're newly weds.," she started before reasoning; "The honeymoon suite had the best bed and it would draw attention the least." She explained further.

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she'd be lying if she said holding his hand didn't make her curse her dead heart for beating a bit faster. "So it's best if we play along. at least out here." Katherine smirked at him, offering him the lead as she beat him to the small doorframe leading to the reception, offering her hand for them to enter together.

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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀╱╱ ⠀⠀ˊ⠀⚠️⠀ᴛ̛ʜ̕ᴇ̵ ᴍᴀᴅ ᴅᴏ͠ɢ ́ᴏꜰ ꜱʜɪᴍᴀɴ̢ᴏ͜.̨⠀⠀⠀╱╱
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
⠀⠀
⠀⠀Sensing that the demon was approaching his position, he quickly got away from that point, but couldn't avoid the wound caused on that old deep scar on his blind eye. As a consequence, the patch broke and fell to the floor, the blood began to fall all over that side of his face.

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He winced at it. He watched one of his gloved hands stain with drops of his own blood.

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This worried him more than it should. He didn't care about the pain, or what kind of individual that young being was, or if this fight was going to last too long.

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He worried about the fact that he can ended up almost dead.

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And when that happened... ꜱʜᴇ ᴡᴀꜱ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ.

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⠀⠀«ꜱʜɪᴛ»

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Goro regained a completely different composure from before, now would choose to be very defensive thinking about how not to end up in limbo. Escape did not exist in his language, he only had to fight until found out how to get rid of that boy.

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Now looked very serious.

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