#funny

"Adoption" by Alex

---

Oh there are so many. I would say it was the adoption of our daughter. We started the adoption process before our daughter was born in 2006. We were notified of her birth and given 24 hours to make our decision. For the next 7 months she was cared for by a beautiful foster family who we still maintain contact with.

---

So in July 2007 we flew to Guatemala City to meet our daughter, the care givers and the lawyer and social worker. I remember it as though it were yesterday. My wife and I were staying at the hotel and received a call informing us that our daughter was waiting for us in the lobby. For me, it was love at first sight. We met everyone involved in this process, signed the necessary paperwork and brought our daughter back to our room.

---

Since my wife was not feeling well, I had the honor and privilege of caring for our baby until the plane departed the following day. As one can imagine, she was upset, crying and I would say traumatized from the uncertainty and drastic change to her environment. Every time I put the baby into the crib to sleep she started crying and would only stop when I held her. So for the next 24 hours I held her in my arms and when we awoke in the morning, I noticed a change in her demeanor. She stopped crying and started to smile and laugh because a bond, based upon mutual love and trust, had begun to form.

---

I could talk for hours and days about this experience because for me it completely changed my life for the better, for she is the apple of my eye. We do everything together which includes: performing music together, playing golf, tennis, helping her with homework (science, math, reading). She also likes to challenge me and debate me. She fondly calls me an old man and a geek because to her friends I am old enough to be her grandpa and because of my passion for music and poetry. There are times, for example, when her friends visit and hear me wailing away on my guitar or bass in my studio and I suppose they are not exposed to that type of behavior. Too funny, right? The best part is that whenever she is with her friends and they are giggling and behaving like teens, when I walk into the room, it becomes dead silent as though a loved one died and we are showing respect at their funeral service.

---

So... I have to say the adoption of our daughter and our time together are my favorite memories and the memories that give my life it's greatest meaning and purpose.

View more

I've a neighbouring bhaiya, Shantanu who is 32 years old. He got recently married 6 months ago to a 25 year old girl, Shweta. Shantanu bhaiya and I were very good friends, he shared everything with me, he had many affairs before marriage, he had s.e.x with more than 10 girls, he even showed me the n.u.d.e.s of his ex girlfriends. Recently, he told me about his new affair (even after marriage), he showed me a video in which he's kissing his new gf. I transferred that video to my phone and now I blackmail him. Shweta is a very open-minded woman so she often invites me to lunch when Shantanu is in office. She knows wht I want and I know wht she wants so we often share heat in the winter afternoons. Shantanu knows that I've an affair with her wife but he stays silent coz I've his dirty kissing video. Shweta is a smart woman and knows who can please her senses better so she supports me. Shweta told me that she already knew about Shantanu's affairs before marriage, and that we can together trick him now for his entire life. This is a crazy story (for me), sad story (for Shantanu), and funny story (for Shweta- coz she's the one who is benefitting the most and having lots of fun from both Shantanu and me).

View more

i have answered the question about children many times…. and what a beautiful mom i will be….

---

that my beautiful mom our beautiful moms will never never see them….
like other moms of the earth

---

you know anonymous in me right this thoughts and feelings….

---

i know beautiful role of beloved daddy …. and mommy…. waiting us….❤️❤️
i saw our kinds in a dream recently….

---

and you know i open one secret ….
i once feel ….and decided to take a look at the app….
and God like from the dreams
what a beautiful babies are daddy’s 🕸❤️and mom’s beauty plus moms green eyes….💚💚 daddy beautiful hairs

---

showed two boys and one beautiful girl….

---

but you so funny … moment
the application has already
shown teenagers….

---

like you are should be faster….

---

❤️‘your unearthly babies…. from your unearthly love are waiting for you….❤️

---

and they are waiting for their arrival on earth 🌍

---

i feel he 🕸❤️ …. will be amazing daddy of our babies….❤️❤️❤️

View more

"The Bonneville" by Alex

---

It's been so long since I've been on a first date I wouldn't even know where to begin. How about I do a flashback to when such things did occur, like back in high school? The first challenge was to actually ask a girl on a date and overcome the fear of being rejected, which was always a clear and present danger. For me, asking a girl out was not easy. I would rate the fear factor similar to that experienced when having a tooth extracted or a limb amputated. Unsettled nerves and intense fear does not even begin to describe the unbridled anxiety.

---

Well... let's assume that one of the 250 girls in my high school actually had the courage to say yes, which is a mighty big assumption. I would begin the process of preparation that involved cleaning and waxing my car from top to bottom. At the time I had a 1964 Pontiac Bonneville with a 400 cubic in V8 engine, a 4 barrel carburetor, and white leather interior. That car was amazing, and the best part was that I could fit an entire drum kit inside the trunk, but we will come back to that in a minute. The inside of my car was scrubbed with a popular cleaner known as lestoil that cleans well but smells awful. In fact, the only thing that smells worse than lestoil are those pine tree air fresheners which, of course, is what I hung on my rearview mirror. Wow! Just thinking about it I am both ashamed and embarrassed. My dates must have suffered greatly, way too funny… right?

---

Once my car was clean and shiny, it was time to purchase flowers. Can you even imagine doing that in 2022? I mean I hardly even knew this girl and yet, I am about to bestow upon her a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Thinking about it now, I can see why some girls wanted nothing to do with me. So now the big moment has arrived and we are finally on our date. Where? How about a drive-in theatre? Drive-in theaters were popular back in the day because of what I refer to as: "the privacy factor."

---

As I was preparing to park the car my date asked me, what is all that noise coming from the trunk? Oh boy... you're going to love this! Remember that drum kit I was taking about earlier? Well... we get out of the car and I opened the trunk and she gasped: "what is all that stuff?" I laughed one of my infamous belly laughs as I proudly proclaimed: "that is my drummers drum kit! Isn't it awesome that I can fit the entire drum kit inside my trunk?” She wasn't impressed and sadly, that was our first and last date.

---

What would the band Queen say about this unexpected turn of events: "another one bites the dust. Another one gone... and another one gone. Another one bites the dust."

---

/Alex ❤️

View more

Well I have two doggos, Teddy is three years old and a golden cocker spaniel, and a little cockapoo pup called Woody, and I think he’s around eight months old :)

---

Ted is the most loving being I’ve ever come across, he truly is the embodiment of pure, unconditional love. He’s incredibly smart and extremely caring and devoted to the family, and loves showing/receiving affection. I’ll always be eternally grateful for him ending up in our lives.

---

Woods is a sweet boy as well, and absolutely worships Teddy. He’s a tad naughty and mischievous sometimes, but it’s typical puppy behaviour, and it’s quite funny when he realises he’s been caught in the act of doing something and immediately runs away, sheepishly! He spins around constantly when he’s happy and squawks like a bird (he hasn’t worked out how to bark 🤣). He adores cuddles, and he always leaps up into my arms whenever he can for a cuddle and to wrap his head around my neck. It’s really sweet 🥹

---

All in all, they’re two very good bois and I love them both dearly :)

View more

Jsem ráda, že se mi směje někdo s popiskem v biu jako ty.
Morfeus by tobě asi pilulku nenabídl, promiň.

---

Klinická deprese není funny póza. Je to tichá, plíživá, nepříjemná nemoc, co ovlivňuje celý život, ale její majitel jí dost často maskuje, aby svým stavem neotravoval ostatní.

---

Deprese se léčí od klasické psychoterapie, přes medikaci a hospitalizaci až třeba po kortizolové infuze, které dostává moje oblíbená umělkyně co s depresemi bojuje už dlouho,
https://instagram.com/destinyblue?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

---

Proč má depresi ten "chytřejší"?
Protože člověk je ve své nevědomosti o veliký kus šťastnější.
Když máš znalosti a zamyslíš se do konečnýho důsledku, sme jen havěť na plujícím kusu skály, uprostřed vzduchoprázdna, co obíhá hlučnou rozpálenou kouli. A jednoho krásnýho dne přiletí další kus šutru a ten náš šutr rozmázne na trilion kousků nebo nás vcucne černá díra... a nezabráníš tomu.

To že si uvědomuješ sebe sama je jen genetická anomálie.

---

V tom nihilismu se dá pokračovat nebo ho vytěsnit, to jsou ty Morfeovy pilulky.

---

Good luck.

View more