#narcissist

@syd13kidxo I'm confused as to why you want to complain, whine, and play victim when people answer stuff about you when you "haven't been on all day", yet YOU DO THE SAME THING TO OTHERS. I haven't answered anything about you all day today. In fact, I've only posted once in general today, so why is my name on your page? You want to play victim when people talk about you, but you NEVER STOP TALKING. you'll run your mouth HOURS, after everyone else has stopped talking, then play victim when we respond. You call us obsessed, but you'll randomly talk about us even when we don't say anything for a couple of days. I wouldn't acknowledge you for weeks, even months, and you'd still talk about me every single day. only obsessed one is you. You need drama in your life. You can drop the act cause nobody is buying your bullshit anymore. Everyone sees right through you and sees the kind of person you really are. A liar, a manipulator, a narcissist, a drama seeker, and an attention seeker. Stop fucking talking about us, and we'll stop responding.

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Relationships are complex. However — as different people have different personalities and relationships, they can have complicated dynamics, and one of the toxicity is that abuse, it can seem normal to some people, while you may realize that your partner is a narcissist and is abusive, you may keep tolerating their abuse and choose to stay in the relationship and it sucks. Although such toxic behaviours may be a deal-breaker for you, you may willingly become a victim of psychological, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. You may choose to neglect certain abusive and toxic behaviours, like unhealthy possessiveness, manipulation of control, lack of trust between partners, disrespect, dishonesty. However, your partner’s toxic behaviours may not be limited to a negative relationship dynamic. Narcissists employ a range of abusive strategies and tactics to control their victims, some of which may be hard to identify. There are certain abusive behaviors that no one should accept from their partners, no matter what. The more you accept these toxic behaviors, the more they will eat away your self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-respect. You will constantly feel devalued, drained, and suffocated in the relationship unless you choose to speak for yourself so please remind yourself that you are not at fault and you don’t deserve to be treated in such a way. Take a stand for yourself and refuse to tolerate abuse. 🌻

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Phase 1: Love Bombing
This is the beginning phase. We treat our partners like they are the only one in the entire world. And mazay ki baat ye hai k we actually believe it too. We make a perfect imagine of you in our mind.

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Phase 2: Reality Check
After sometime, when the reality kicks in, we start seeing flaws in them. We start devaluing our partner because they did something against "the perfect image". We start devaluing our partners and treat them like they did something very wrong. But in reality they are just little things that every relationship/marriage faces.

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Phase 3: Discard
We start withdrawing from our relationship/marriage, as if it is the worst thing ever happened to us. We stop making efforts and stop fighting for our relationship/marriage. We try to avoid them. We say hurtful things and blame our partners for everything going wrong. But in actual, it's not them, it's us (narcissists). Even when our partner tries to make everything back on track, we refuse to do so. We start treat them badly, so they leave us khudi. Just to keep our image clean.

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Note: In beginning, narcissist themselves don't know what's going on. But with proper awareness, they can be better humans.

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For more information:
https://www.verywellmind.com/narcissistic-abuse-cycle-stages-impact-and-coping-6363187#:~:text=The%20narcissistic%20abuse%20cycle%20refers,are%20of%20no%20further%20use.

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I mean, I agree to an extent because people absolutely do throw certain words around and bastardise them (abuse, narcissist, gaslighting, etc.), but gatekeeping trauma makes little sense when you consider that unless you're that person you have no idea 100% of what is going on in their lives, and even they may not thoroughly understand what is happening in their heads (nor how to express it) except that they have symptoms of trauma. Besides that, it can take a long time to understand what actually happened, and how it affected you; even more so if you have repressed memories.

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A person who says "I have trauma from my parents' divorce" could mean the divorce occurred after family domestic violence - which is trauma - or that after the divorce one parent neglected/abandoned their child/ren altogether - which is also trauma. The divorce itself could have just been world shattering and the child wasn't supported through the situation, which left a mark and, ta-da, became trauma around abandonment and low self-worth.

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The golden rule: trauma isn't only what happened to you, but also *the environment* it happened in. If you have safe, supportive people and healthy outlets in your life, you are probably more resilient and therefore less likely to experience prolonged effects.

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I think it's wise to hold off on judging how much a person *experienced* (or you think they experienced) and instead tuning into how much they are *hurting* with compassion.

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The most painful thing was knowing that the future I thought we had was over in a second, and I was blocked on every social media and basically treated like I'd never even existed. That was the really hard part. Over time, what was hard were reminders that would come when I didn't want them. Somebody would ask "Are they __ now?" I had no idea what they were doing, and not only was it painful to be asked that out of the blue anyway, but also because it was a reminder of how swiftly I was cut out. Then, I'd be doing something and be reminded of them. Maybe it was a song, a similar environment, or maybe just the vibe/feeling was the same, even if the activity and place had nothing to do with them. The random reminders hurt the most because I had no control over when the emotions or memories would show up, and I didn't have the ability to just push them out. The random reminders made me feel like I'd never move on or get better. There was a long while when I couldn't even go to the upstairs part of my house, because they'd lived there for a while, so going up there felt like I was surrounded by a ghost in every room. I'm doing well now, a lot better than I was, but there are still moments when it hurts. Thankfully, it's nowhere near as often as it once was, and overall I'd say I'm making progress and finally feeling like I'm healing.
My ex was an incredibly charismatic narcissist and I was an undiagnosed autistic with ADHD ODD and anxiety disorders. He was a champion of the people and I was the embarrassing immature monster always saying and doing things that upset people (it's weird being considered a naive child and a grown master manipulator all at once). Yeah my ex had my family convinced I was the bad guy (easy to do given they had known me my whole life and already thought I was a terrible person) and tried to get my son taken off me so he could have him (which he only wanted as a means to control me he doesn't actually want any responsibilities). Those initial weeks getting through that was fucking ROUGH. The terror of knowing you need to go to work to get bills paid but knowing you could show up to daycare and your child has just disappeared into the arms of someone who only plans to use them as a pawn? I shudder to look back on it. This time last year I was devastated over the breakup of my first real relationship with my first love. I remember the unbearable pain and at the time, I thought that I would never stop feeling it and that it would just follow me around forever. Fast forward to today and I no longer feel that particular heartbreak - but as the summer comes to a close and I'm facing having to say goodbye to a guy I just fell in love with, there's another kind of heartbreak I have to endure. This kind of pain is a cycle, since everyone will inevitably leave in one way or another, and the feeling of heartbreak and loss is unavoidable once you're vulnerable enough to fall in love. It's the price you pay for a moment of happiness.

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Having a narcissistic elder around can cause us to force ourselves to become the adult and deal with their emotional issues or never ending demands. Which means we never get to feel that love and care that we’d want to feel from their side. So in order to heal from their abuse, it’s important to first reparent ourselves. Basically you become your own parent. It is tough at first because you don’t know how to do it. What you do is give yourself an hour every day and ask yourself this: How would I have wished my parents had treated me? Would I have wanted them to be more accepting of my emotions? Would I have wanted them to listen to me express my emotions more? Would I have wanted them to listen to me express my anger and discomfort more often? Would I have wanted them to help me deal with my emotional issues? Would I have wanted them to be present and be beside me in times of need? Ask yourself these questions and note down your answers. Once you have your answers, start doing these things for yourself. When you feel uncomfortable emotions and feelings bubbling up, pause and listen to what your body is telling you. You don’t have to be spot on and name the emotion correctly, nobody is quizzing you here. It’s just about learning to shift your focus inwards rather than it always being away from you.

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Learn to set and stick to your boundaries. It is important to be of help to your parents and offer as much of yourself as you can without exhausting yourself. After that, set a boyundary. Setting a boundary is usually tough because sticking to it is really hard when you’re around a narcissist. They are master manipulators so they can shame and guilt you into listening to them but you’ve to learn to be strong WHILE being respectful. Read this post in detail: https://www.instagram.com/p/CeBcVkMoqaY/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

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Finally, understand them and empathise with them. People are not born narcissists. They are treated poorly and aren’t allowed to form any deep connections with anyone, that’s why they lack empathy. They’ve never experienced empathy themselves. Once you understand that they aren’t hurting you on purpose but they can’t help themselves, you’d learn to be patient with them. Be patient while knowing that they’re not fighting or hurting you, they’re scratching their raw wounds that’s why they’re in pain and they’re inflicting some of that pain onto you. This is how they bond. I’m not at all saying that you become their punching bag, suffering abuse is a sin. What I am saying is that you don’t think that the pain they’re causing is targeted towards you specifically, that there’s something wrong with YOU. Nope, they’re just sharing some of the pain that they’re feeling. So don’t take any of that pain personally. It’s not meant to be for you, you just happen to be present to receive it.
When you are able to, you can move away from them if you can't take the pain any longer.

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Fearing the atrocities that brought us together.
Disseminated across the horizon, impervious to any weather.
Inconspicuous to the naked eye, summoned a pitiful fate.
Anxious for the future, no cure to this date.
Discombobulated figures went hell for leathers.
A horrendous act, must be a ludicrous ploy of the devils.
Underestimating nature? Look who’s bound in chains.
Cleansing your body, clogging up the drains.
Arousal of resentment, a disruption within.
Can’t comprehend how my heart has been.
Seek hope for the darkness isn’t impervious.
Even through the propagation was spontaneous.
Rejoice for the fact that not everything is lost.
Redemption from the Mighty is all it cost.
Hail to the disease, narcissist are being exposed.
Halt to their daily quest, the earth is closed.
Plethora of time to ponder over this fragile situation.
Meditation serves to eradicate the contemporary problems of isolation.
Families reunited, a diminished desire being answered.
Karma had some plans ready to be cancelled.
Pray for the souls striving on the battlefield.
Strenuous measures call for their struggle to yield.
A new order is about to commence.
Wealth accumulated will finally dispense.

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~Ali

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✦ ───────────── ✦
. συт σf ρσтαтσ qυєєи
✦ ───────────── ✦

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First, everyone has a different tolerance of pain. Those who stay longer in their toxic or abusive relationships do it either because they are highly patient with their partners or they are already trapped in the toxic cycle. The most common way of a narcissist is to trap someone is to give their victims the illusion of friendship, harmony or love between them. But there will always come a point when their victim can sense something is odd. E.g. when catching them lying or not keeping their end of the word. And when you try to speak to them about it and hold them accountable for what they do. It's always not their fault. And because they want you to believe it too they start to neglect, deflect, accuse you of the same (basically playing the UNO return card). The argument with them gets never really resolved because in their mind it's of cause always someone else's fault. The toxic cycle begins then when the narcissist tries the other person to believe that the relationship/friendship will stay the same, and will be as good as before. But it never will like that obviously because you can't build a friend- or relationship out of lies and an inability to be responsible for the things you do to other people. And so the good times become less and less, while the times of arguing about what happened become more and more. The people who stay in the toxic cycle are addicted to the hopeful illusions the narcissist serves them. So that's why. They need the realisation that a highly narcissistic person will never change. And if they do...it will only be for their own benefit or for a short amount of time so they can keep their victim supply close to them.

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Because independent people are harder to control and manipulate.

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Imagine someone confident who does not care about what people think of them , feeling all good on their own skin, living their own life getting less affected by peoples ideas and thoughts and feeling good with their own company dictating their own happiness.

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The person i’m talking about is really hard to manipulate because, they would know their own boundaries, walk away immediately once they notices the early red flags or any of their toxicity, they won’t beg, plead or cling for another human being, they would have known the fact that Love is sharing your completeness and happiness with the significant other not getting abused on the process while allowing the significant other to cross their boundaries.

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The Narcissist lives and craves for reactions, they provoke early on to snipe positive reactions, then later on the negative ones, because the positive ones would come automatically, if there are no reactions there is no excitement for the them he/she would simply get bored quickly, if a person shows confidence they would have never reacted to their provocations.

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That’s why Alpha Male types of personalities who care less and live from today to tomorrow repel those types of individuals, because they are so hard to manipulate, while the Empathic people attract the Narcissist, because they get quickly caught on their feelings and drop their guard down early on, the confident or independent people tend to allow their mind to dictate their thoughts and feelings especially early on until they know for sure that the person is the right person, while the Empathic people act with feelings, heart and instincts.

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Rant time 😅😂 don’t allow that whole thing to blind you to what’s actually going on. The story here is not that you have someone who’s so into you. The story here is you have someone who can’t make a decision to commit to you. If someone just can’t let you go, that’s all about them. As it’s extreme form, that’s narcissism. It’s, ‘I am prepared to ruin your life because it’s more comfortable for me to do so.’ That ‘I just can’t let you go’ that’s not about you - has nothing to do with you. It’s not a generous act. It’s not about your well-being. It’s not about your happiness. That’s about him. That’s about his emotions, his comfort, him being able to have whatever he wants whenever he wants it. ‘I just can’t let you go but I don’t want you either’ he’s gonna be Goldilocks. ‘Not too hot, not too cold. I just need it just right. I just need it like it’s my favourite. Not committing to you but not having you leave either. My favourite is you just giving me your time and your energy and your attention and your love, and your intimacy even though I don’t commit. That’s my favourite. My favourite is not committing to you, not going all in, but just not letting you go either.’ I’m not calling someone who does that a narcissist, I think that label is thrown around a wild level that is way, way, way too much. We’re too quick to diagnose people. But in there are the seeds of narcissism. And you have to hear and see that for what it is. ‘I don’t want you but I can’t let you go.’ In other words ‘I don’t give a fuck about what’s right for you, or what’s gonna make you happy or what’s gonna be good for your time . What I care about is me.’ We cannot have this. This is not a recipe for living a good life. You have to have boundaries.

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By the way, after three months, someone should have a good idea what they want with you. I’m not saying after three months they have to decide they wanna marry you. But after three months if someone can’t say enough to say, ‘y’know what? I really wanna give this a shot with you. Let’s see where this goes. We don’t have to decide our entire future right now but I can at least decide not to screw other people. Let’s do that.’ If after three months, you don’t have that, that’s a red flag. After a year and four months, someone saying I can’t commit to you but I can’t let you go. They are mistaken, they seem to think that it’s their choice as to whether they let you go. It’s not. Their choice is not to commit to you. Your decision is that, that’s not interesting to you and you’re going to go and find something that has actual potential because the guy that doesn’t want you but can’t let you go is boring as fuck.

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