#paper

Yes I do forget things. To combat this degradation of memory I do the following:
- Appointments: I keep two calendar books. One is a physical calendar and one digital.
- Lists: I make a to do list
- Appointments: All doctors appointments are entered into calendar and also posted on my desk.
- Speech: I always try to think before I speak or act so I avoid looking or sounding incompetent. This might sound strange but every word that comes out of my mouth or is written on paper is predetermined, planned and prepared within my brain prior to my audience hearing it. This also applies to music as well. Otherwise I would sound like the MSM talking heads. Nothing but an incoherent rambling idiot speaking in fragmented sentences with mispronouncing words.
- Keys: I hang keys on key rack
- Tools: I organize my tools
- Clothes: I put my clothes in predefined spaces
- Writing: My music, poems and essays have titles and are stored in alphanumeric sequence and according to style or topic
- Time: every room has a clock and I always leave early whenever I have appointments to avoid getting lost or creating needless stress
- Routine: I adhere to a routine whether it be exercise, eating, reading, practicing, etc. Without a routine I literally cannot function.

View more

I'll give it a crack in german for once I suppose!

---

Das wichtigste Ziel für diesen Sommer ist vermutlich die "großen" Fragen des Promotionsprojektes zu klären. Einige Sachen stehen schon, einige Grundlagen sind gelegt und die schemenhaften Umrisse eines Typsystems bahnen sich an, auch wenn gefühlt jeder zweiter Tag daraus besteht, sich Gegenbeispiele zu überlegen, wieso es so nicht gehen kann. A special kind of fun.

---

Das ist irgendwie wichtig, um nicht in einen Dauerzustand der Panik reinzugeraten. Weil wenn man den erstmal erreicht hat, kommen auch keine guten Ideen mehr.
Das ist irgendwie noch wichtiger, weil wenn irgendwas schonmal läuft, kann man Paper einreichen, und irgendwie die vorzeigbare Quote erreichen, mit der die Deutsche Forschungsgemeinschaft dann zufrieden ist.

---

Plus es eilt irgendwie, einer der smartesten Personen aller Zeiten verlässt den Lehrstuhl. Ich bin nicht der Einzige Doktorand der zittert!

---

Jedoch viel wichtiger ist der Post-Covid Reboot meiner typischen sozialen Kreise. Ich bin sehr auf der extrovertierten Seite angesiedelt, und ich bin froh das alles langsam wieder aufwacht. Leute erscheinen aus der Senke, die meisten Wochenenden sind endlich wieder verplant mit persönlichen Treffen mit oder ohne längeren Trips in andere Städte. Es gibt wieder Night-Life, und ich kann die Lichter wieder genießen. Das Vorhaben/Ziel ist es wieder den selben Zustand wie vor der Pandemie zu erreichen.

---

Ich hätte gerne meine zwei Jahre zurück, aber wenn ich das schon nicht haben kann, dann möchte ich zumindest soweit möglich meinen Lifestyle zurück. Und als erster Schritt ist Cocktailbar und K-Pop Party in relativ großer Gruppe ziemlich gut, zumindest ein Ziel was aktiv direkt kommendes Wochenende in Bearbeitung geht.

---

Hmm. Yeah. This text reads ugly. Sighhh.

View more

Yup

---

I didn't sleep today, but yesterday I saw in a dream how I ran away from the house with a ladder, ran across a bridge and across a roundabout with trees, then ran through the gate with sесurities in... well now it's a gym, to the locker room and hid there in the shower locker. Then I dyed my hair black with shoe polish, stоle some money and climbеd out through the window in the mеn's lockеr room. Then I went to the market, bought a backpack and new clothes so that I wouldn't be recognizеd.

---

After a while I had another dream - I was in the cafeteria of my second school with my friends from the lyceum. The desks were arranged as in a classroom, and the distribution area was closed with paper screens. The еvil dirеctor (in fact, she doesn't even work there) tried to gеt to me for no reason, taking possеssion of my notebook, but suddenly a huge fightеr jet landed on the street and stopped in the yard. It looked unusual (I'm not familiar with such a model), was white and had futuristic design, almost with a passenger height, a lot of details resembling complex flaps. Maybe it's a shuttlеcraft from an aliеn ship. Everyone was very scаred, but I felt that I needed to leave this room urgеntly. I climbеd through the window panе and started to descеnd, but I fеll into a thornу bush. The sky darkened, it got colder, and I hid in the bushes. When I cautiously pеeked around the corner, I saw some people entering the back door of the kitchen (through the stairs you can get to the cafeteria). Then I didn't have time to do anything because I woke up.

View more

There are many things that annoy me. Here are a few examples:

---

1. Toilet Paper - nobody in my house will replace the toilet paper.
2. Toothpaste - the toothpaste cap is never screwed on properly.
3. Cooking - the burners on the stove a left on.
4. Getting dressed - I have to get dressed in the dark to not upset my wife.
5. Driving - I live in Florida where drivers either refuse to use their turn signals when making a turn, or they use the incorrect turn signal.
6. Highway driving - some people drive the speed limit. Some folks drive 40 miles over the speed limit. And yes, the remainder drive 40 miles under the speed limit. It is literally a shit show.
7. Religion - I perform at several churches. Both of these churches have operating budgets that are in the red. The average age of the congregation is 70+ years old and very few young people attend; and yet, these churches do literally nothing to attract young people into their congregation and each week the priests and ministers complain about financial difficulties while offering no realistic solutions.

---

Rules:

---

#1. Pick your battles - When I get annoyed, I ask myself this question:
Is this a battle worth fighting for?
Will my voice and effort make a difference?
If not, I remain silent, disengage, and pursue my own interests and goals. I refuse to fight battles where I am not allowed to affect change.

---

#2. It is what it is vs it is what you make it. -
This is more of a philosophical argument or issue of perception, similar to the question: is your cup half full or half empty? In my experience, when people refuse to change, it is what it is. And unless I have the authority or power to force the necessary changes, the cup will remain half empty; however, if I am in control and allowed to make changes, my cup is half full and the outcome will be what I or we (the collective group) make it. I suppose that is why I am an introvert and enjoy writing poetry, playing golf or playing my guitar. Only then am I in complete control of the outcome and the goals and objectives that I have set forth.

---

#3. It could be worse - whenever I am annoyed, frustrated or impatient, I do the following:
a. I take a deep breath and count to 10.
b. I think to myself that it could be worse.
It could be worse if I was married to, or living with the person who is annoying me. This realization both comforts me and grounds me with an often overlooked truth that I am indeed in control of my own reality. A smile immediately appears on my face, and I silently thank God for blessing me and allowing me the common sense to put my reality into perspective and to stop worrying about people and things that I have no control over.

---

-Peace-

View more

I can say that I drew too much, and always ^^ what was drawn by me was I spoiled my mother’s book on sewing😂 I’ll tell the story when I started to “write to the masses” I remember the applause of the Rusшsian language teacher when I drew a mermaid on paper to the motive of Mikhail Lermontov's poem "Mermaid":
The mermaid floated on the blue river,
Illuminated by the full moon;
And she tried to splash to the moon Silvery foam waves...
I didn’t like answering at the blackboard and at that time telling my opinion about literature, I didn’t like doing it, she basically gave me 2 because I didn’t express myself out loud, trying to bring out emotions, but the time came and the inspiration didn’t leave, waiting for myself ^^

---

Я могу сказать, что я слишком много рисовала, и всегда^^ что было нарисовано мной это я портила мамину книгу по швейному делу😂расскажу историю когда я начала "писать в массы" помню авации учителя русского языка, когда я нарисовала на ватмане русалку по мотиву стихотворения Михаила Лермонтова "Русалка":
Русалка плыла по реке голубой,
Озаряема полной луной;
И старалась она доплеснуть до луны
Серебристую пену волны...
я не любила отвечать у доски и на тот момент рассказывать свое мнение о литературе, мне не нравилось это делать, она мне принципиально ставила 2 из-за того что я себя не выражала в слух, пытаясь вывести на эмоции, но пришло время, воодушевление не оставило себя ждать^^

View more

Hello there! No worries at all, first off, I’d practice with what you can access already - ie, doing still life sketches - it could be things in your room or a fruit bowl etc, just to play around with lighting, composition and such. I’d check out YouTube too - I’m sure there are artists on there who do tutorials or can give practical advice to those starting from scratch, on how to draw. To be honest, a lot of it is really the art of seeing and using observation - such as, “How is this item lit? “Where are the shadows falling?”“What angle is the light source coming from?”
All of those dictate the strength of how hard or lightly you sketch an area.

---

If you wanted, you could also get someone to pose for you, if you wanted to try out life drawing - it could simply just be observing someone sitting and doing there own thing or drawing a pet, as opposed to a full on model shoot, aha. Learning to see and draw things that are in person help a lot, for honing your initial skills. It could just be drawing some plants you may have, for example.

---

In terms of materials, you can’t go wrong with basics - even if it’s just computer paper and a basic set of pencils, but I recommend any pencils within the HB - 6B range. It basically means that they range in boldness and pigmentation, so you can experiment with drawing deeper shadows, tones and values, etc. Anything that’s H to 4H I don’t recommend, as the lines from the lead are incredibly harsh (hence the H meaning Hard), and it’s very difficult to erase.

---

There’s probably many art books you can refer to too, on the basics of learning how to draw. From my own experience though, I used to draw all the time as a child, and over time, your skills and observation naturally improve and flourish. All I can say is don’t worry about mistakes - they’re key to learning how to improve next, and it’s a perfectly normal part of the process, and doesn’t mean you’re not cut out to be an artist or to just simply draw for pleasure.

---

I hope that helps a little, but feel free to ask me anything any time! :)

View more

+++Kurzer Disclaimer am Anfang: Alle Aussagen, die ich jetzt über die Gefühlswelt treffe, betreffen vor allem meine Gefühlswelt und nicht zwingend die von Anderen. Danke für Ihre Aufmerksamkeit.+++

---

Nein, finde ich eigentlich nicht. Ich halte Enttäuschung für ein sehr komplexes Gefühl, das durchaus auch Traurigkeit beinhaltet bzw. beinhalten kann - Traurigkeit ist ja auch nur ein vager Sammelbegriff für ganz viele spezifischere, auch wieder in ihren Nuancen unterschiedliche Gefühle, die sich teilweise schwer benennen lassen, teilweise nicht.

---

Für mich ist das Gefühl von Enttäuschung auch nicht immer gleich, deshalb fand ich die Frage schwierig, aber trotzdem schön, weil man die wieder gut länger mit sich herumtragen kann, bis man meint, die Worte vielleicht gefunden zu haben oder zumindest finden zu wollen :-)
Manchmal ist Enttäuschung wirklich "nur" mit einem Gefühl von starker Trauer und starkem Bedauern verbunden. Man steht vor einem Scherbenhaufen zerbrochener Erwartungen, leckt sich die Wunden und maunzt in meinem Fall traurig den Mond an. Vielleicht metaphorisch, vielleicht auch ganz wörtlich! Death by a thousand paper cuts hat ja bei einem Papiertiger auch doppelseitigen Boden (;
Dann kann mit einer Enttäuschung aber auch Erleichterung verbunden sein. Weil man ent-täuscht wurde, und statt nun einem Trugbild aufzusitzen und einer Fata Morgana hinterherzujagen, kann man sich ja nun auch ganz pragmatisch mit neu entdeckten Realitäten auseinandersetzen. (Aw, stell dir vor, ich reite auf einem Trugbild in den Sonnenuntergang einer Fata Morgana entgegen. Hast du Die dreizehneinhalb Leben des Käpt'n Blaubär oder Jim Knopf und Lukas der Lokomotivführer gelesen? mmmm, das macht mich glücklich)

---

Enttäuschung kann aber auch erstaunlich wütend machen! Es gibt ja diesen Satz: "Ich bin nicht wütend, ich bin nur enttäuscht." Der scheint oft mehr zu sitzen beim Empfänger. Diese Art von Enttäuschung ist für mich aber ein eher dumpfes Gefühl. Es gibt kein Erwartungsecho und reicht weiter als reine Traurigkeit bzw. Bedauern.
Die Enttäuschung, die wütend macht, finde ich auch wichtig by the way. Bis sich das Gefühl bei mir anbahnt, brauche ich immer lange Bedenkzeit und Abstand zum Geschehen und hat bei mir auch etwas mit Abschließen zu tun. Danach lebt man eben mit einer neuen Wirklichkeit, der man nach einer wütend vollzogenen Enttäuschung abgeklärt zunicken kann.

View more

"Depressing Love" by Alex

---

Yes it is depressing when you love someone but they accuse you of not loving them, especially early in the relationship when the couple are still trying to understand one another. I admit that I get distracted with my music and writing and they become an obsession. Once I put my pen to paper or start playing my guitar, I do not like to be interrupted unless it is an emergency. Unfortunately, most people I have lived with whether brother, sister, parents, wife or children, do not understand or appreciate the mind of an artist and so they confuse my passion and concentration as disinterest.

---

It is one of the reasons that if I am ever single, I will remain single. Living by myself is the only way I will be able to create poems and music uninterrupted and without having to justify my behavior or being forced to deal with the constant complaints and accusations of disinterest. And as for me, I will never comprehend why people cannot understand that a writer cannot write nor a musician practice his music while simultaneously talking to family and friends or painting the house, washing the dishes or mowing the lawn. Music and writing require silence and concentration without comment or justification.

---

So to answer your original question, yes it is most depressing to love people while also being accused of not loving them. It is also depressing to write poems that nobody reads or to write songs that people do not hear (because they are too busy talking) or to strive for perfection in an imperfect and uncaring world. And might I propose that this is precisely the reason why so many talented artists decide to end their lives. I completely understand! To be a sensitive soul living in an insensitive and uncaring world is, in my opinion, a profound and painful reality that is impossible to reconcile. Luckily for me, I am able to co-exist in both worlds, but I would much prefer to be a full time artist who devotes all of his time and effort to creating music and poetry.

---

Thank you for your sincere and insightful question. /Alex

View more