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It was a monday night, 11:00 pm. I did wudu and offered the Isha prayer. I prayed and said, ''Allah! If he isn't right for me, make him leave but if he's good, make him stay''. I said as tears started falling down my eyes because deep down, I wanted him to stay. Stay with me for the rest of our lives. Last few weeks had been disturbing for both of us. We didn't even get time to talk to each other. It was difficult. I sat down and texted with a heavy heart, ''do you still love me?''. He said, "I have no other choice but to stop loving you". My heartbeat started racing at ten thousand miles per hour. It felt like someone has stabbed me right from behind. I wanted to say something more but I had no strength to ask him the reason. For all I knew, it was going to happen someday, but I didnot expect it to be today. He had his reasons and I could not do anything about them. All I could do was to accept my fate. My anxiety had already done me bad but what happened now was worse. I felt as if someone was forcing my head in a tank full of water and I was struggling to get my head out of it. The tank of water was the reality I was forced to believe. I was hurt. I was hurt alot. I didnot know what to do next, thank Allah that he has taken him from me because he wasn't right or feel exhausted because he is leaving when he was the one who gave me emotional support when I needed it? I wanted to scream, "please don't" right into his face but words didn't come out. It was a day after that I messaged him again, "Is it all over?" He didn't say anything. I read somewhere that no response is actually a response. But I was confused whether it was a yes or no. Once I get attached to you, It is difficult for me to let go of you. It was only a few months before when I didn't even know him. We were together for a much less time but this time felt like years. Years of happiness. I would not say that he had only given me love, care and attention. He had hurt me a couple billion times. But, whenever I saw his face, I used to forget all worries and the times he had hurt me. All I could remember were the times he said I was one of the precious things happened to him, that he loved me, with all his heart and mind. He had a very calm face with small dark eyes. Eyes that could look through your soul. Eyes anyone could get lost in. Even his thoughts gave me butterflies. We hadn't even touched each other for once but I could feel the connection. The connection I can not establish with any other. But he was gone. He was gone leaving behind me with all my feelings. I do question myself sometimes that was I giving enough? Was I treating him right? Did i deserve all of this? I never got an answer to these questions.
-"Your writing skills are good, i must say."
"Stay with me, I'll write about us."
"What if it's not an happy ending?"
"I'll have memories of you, i'll never forget."
I was never good at goodbyes.

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