It's been almost 10 months since I ended things with my ex...yet...I'm still thinking of him and even though I try to let others in, I still have feelings for him...what advise do you have to help someone get over someone? :'(
From what I've seen, it can take years for the wounds of a painful breakup to scar over. It seems that telling one's self that one *should* be over it by now, that one has used up their airtime talking about the pain, that one *should* feel something different than what one authentically feels is to be about shame. Shame isn't usually productive in these situations. All it seems to do is make people feel even more shitty.
I tend to be a proponent of radical acceptance. However I'm feeling is okay. Instead of trying to push it away through work, gaming, or some other activity designed to distract me, I found that it's more useful to give that part of me attention. Meditation helps (if one has is a practiced meditator, otherwise it can just be annoying) and "working with" an emotional state - being with it and expressing it in meaningful ways - seems to be useful. In my most painful moments, I've put it to paint and canvas, spent hours being present to the emotion and letting it pour out into art... which I then sold for cash :)
The point is, I've not found it useful to wish to feel differently when I'd dealing with something difficult. Accepting the reality of how I'm feeling and working with the emotion - giving that part of my "spirit" time and attention, instead of trying to hide it or push it away - seems to be helpful. Sometimes sitting with the emotion in meditation is helpful and sometimes being kinetic - running, walking, painting, playing guitar - while being with the pain works best for me.
For the record, I never dish out advice. I can only share observations and experience.
I tend to be a proponent of radical acceptance. However I'm feeling is okay. Instead of trying to push it away through work, gaming, or some other activity designed to distract me, I found that it's more useful to give that part of me attention. Meditation helps (if one has is a practiced meditator, otherwise it can just be annoying) and "working with" an emotional state - being with it and expressing it in meaningful ways - seems to be useful. In my most painful moments, I've put it to paint and canvas, spent hours being present to the emotion and letting it pour out into art... which I then sold for cash :)
The point is, I've not found it useful to wish to feel differently when I'd dealing with something difficult. Accepting the reality of how I'm feeling and working with the emotion - giving that part of my "spirit" time and attention, instead of trying to hide it or push it away - seems to be helpful. Sometimes sitting with the emotion in meditation is helpful and sometimes being kinetic - running, walking, painting, playing guitar - while being with the pain works best for me.
For the record, I never dish out advice. I can only share observations and experience.
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Blake Croissant
Soledad Medrano