My boyfriend hasn't told his parents that he's dating two(2) trans women. He's bi and his parents thought he was just "confused," so he told them he was dating a man. My girlfriend met his parents as a male so that they would just assume he's gay, instead of questioning him. what should I do?
As a rule of thumb, I never give advice. I can only share my experience and the experience of others.
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." We all have strategies for dealing with what life throws us. Sometimes those strategies are beneficial and sometimes not. Naive strategies for dealing with internalized shame can be especially harmful. Generally, acting out of shame, lying and coercing others into being dishonest isn't about respect, compassion or love. From what I've seen, it's about fear.
I've found that if I've chosen to befriend someone who lies, I'm the one with the problem if I become resentful about their lying. If their lying harms someone, I can point out that their behavior isn't beneficial, but I can't go into it with the expectation that they will get it, value my input or become the person I wish them to be. If I confront others in that way, I'm generally acting to ensure resentment and eventual estrangement. If I don't like being around someone who lies, I can choose to limit their involvement in my life without being righteously judgmental.
I can't change others. All I can do is keep my side of the road clean by respecting my own boundaries and limitations. If I'm not okay with something that's happening in a relationship and I'm not sure how to go about respecting my own boundaries, I stick to "when you, I feel" statements. For instance, "When you're dishonest in this relationship, I feel afraid and unloved."
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." We all have strategies for dealing with what life throws us. Sometimes those strategies are beneficial and sometimes not. Naive strategies for dealing with internalized shame can be especially harmful. Generally, acting out of shame, lying and coercing others into being dishonest isn't about respect, compassion or love. From what I've seen, it's about fear.
I've found that if I've chosen to befriend someone who lies, I'm the one with the problem if I become resentful about their lying. If their lying harms someone, I can point out that their behavior isn't beneficial, but I can't go into it with the expectation that they will get it, value my input or become the person I wish them to be. If I confront others in that way, I'm generally acting to ensure resentment and eventual estrangement. If I don't like being around someone who lies, I can choose to limit their involvement in my life without being righteously judgmental.
I can't change others. All I can do is keep my side of the road clean by respecting my own boundaries and limitations. If I'm not okay with something that's happening in a relationship and I'm not sure how to go about respecting my own boundaries, I stick to "when you, I feel" statements. For instance, "When you're dishonest in this relationship, I feel afraid and unloved."