You are not dumb or awful. Do not say you hate yourself! I actually just went through this recently. I haven't been able to concentrate and felt so unmotivated. I knew I had work to get done, but I always ended up watching a drama or on youtube. I think you need to tell yourself to cut the crap and shape up. Think about your goals and re-evaluate yourself. What makes you motivated? What do you want out of life? If you want to make your parents proud, then work for it. Yeah, still give yourself some leisure time just so you stay sane but shape up! Do the work. As for English & essays, it just takes practice! Don't be afraid to ask for extra credit. What is the worse that can happen? She might say no. Is it that bad? Don't you rather ask than to not know and be afraid? At least you can say you've tried! Don't feel shameful and don't compare yourself to anyone. You're you and you work at a different pace. Block out what expectations they have of you and focus solely on yourself. You know that feeling of accomplishment you get when you think about everything you completed during the day? Work for that! Go to sleep knowing that you had a productive day. It's all self motivation and its all dependent on yourself. Work for it. "If you don't fight for what you want, don't cry for what you lost." There is no shortcut! Work for what you want and make not your parents, but yourself proud!
I hope I'm not coming off as too brutal or mean! I'm just trying to motivate you with tough love :P Take care girl! I'm here if you need me<3