Ask Adalyn

East side of campus comes with a lot of pros and cons. From living on that side for 2 years, I definitely understand what you mean by the college atmosphere being different! If you live in Ellis, I'm not sure why everyone has their door shut! From what I've learned from Ellis, is that it's a loud rambunctious place where a lot of freshman meet some of their best friends! Ellis has the 3 different halls, so it's definitely the most populated dorm at UCM. A definite plus to Ellis is the dining hall that is literally right below you where you don't have to venture out on a lazy or cold day - you walk a flight of stairs (or 3) and get to eat where you live. That was always super convenient. I lived in UCC as a freshman and was on the Criminal Justice SHIP program, so I met a lot of different personalities who were in the same major as me. East side is definitely a good place to live if you're a criminal justice, art, music, or psychology student because your classes are in buildings that are really close to you guys, which means less of a walk & less of a risk of being late.
I currently live on the West side of campus and love it because I'm closer to the Student Union, to Todd dining hall, and I live with my sorority! Our side, in my opinion, does socialize more and we're more center to campus. A con to this side of campus, however, is the parking. UCC, Ellis, and the FosterKnox apartments have SOOO much parking. Sharing parking with the JCK library, Panhellenic, South Yeater, Todd/South Todd, Fitzgerald, Nattinger, Bradshaw, and Nickerson is a pain.
So, if you really aren't loving where you're at, just know you aren't tied down! You can move at semester and get to experience this side of campus if you'd like! As for the doors shut in your hallway, either open yours up and just say hi to everyone, or go to your floor programs your wonderful C.A. puts on and maybe you'll meet a really cool kid there where his/her door is always open.
Best of luck to you,
Adalyn

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I can definitely relate to you on that. I've been through this situation numerous times and even recently dealt with it. My best advice to you is cheesy, but relevant: "Everything happens for a reason." If you were fighting or you didn't like something they did? You have a right to speak up and voice your opinion! If they weren't being a good influence on you and you needed to leave the friendship, it's possibly a great thing for your mental and emotional health. I hate fallouts with friends, but each time has made me into a better woman because I finally can get to know myself after getting out of toxic friendships.
I've had an awful roommate before who I thought was my best friend in the entire world (now we don't even see each other because our lives are so different) and recently had a group of my so-called best friends leave me, but it has wounded up alright in the end. Friendships really depend on maturity levels and whether or not you feel there's nothing to gain or learn from that friendship. I've learned my weaknesses and areas to improve because of all the petty drama I've gone through, and hopefully you find closure on what happened, as well. If you're crushed now, that is perfectly understandable! Just look at the long run and visualize what you want/need to be successful. All the people who I've decided not to stay friends with didn't benefit me in any way, shape, or form, except to lead me to be a rude, b****y person and that's not who I want to be. Your emotion right now is really high, but I can guarantee if you were meant to stay friends forever, they'll come to you and you'll either mutually apologize. If you aren't meant to be friends, mutually deciding to be apart is okay.
College is for growing and developing healthy relationships. If this one ended, it ended for a reason and it's okay to put yourself first every once in awhile. Take time to heal! Don't be so hard on yourself; there are PLENTY of people on campus and you'll make even better friends in due time, I promise.
Best of luck to you (:
-Adalyn

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Well, if you are wanting some sort of change, the best way is to talk to this girl. Either you or your friend need to calmly explain the situation & ask what's up with the cold shoulder. If she gets rude, mean, or snappy towards you, don't be afraid to walk away. Toxic people only hurt the people around them IF you let them, and it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Keep on supporting your friend - she needs someone like you to help her up when she's being affected by this girl. As for the sorority, if a lot of people don't like her, then they see her for what she truly is and it doesn't seem she is a beautiful person on the inside. The other girls feel the same way as you do, so be comforted by that. Maybe she'll give up on holding the grudge, maybe not. But life is too short to be worried by just one girl who has a bad attitude in college.
Best of luck to you!
-Adalyn

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Seems like your a tad shy, but that's OK. Being afraid of doing something is not as horrible as it seems - so don't get down about it. I have a few options for you. If he lives on your floor in your dorm, invite him to hang out with a few friends for a movie night in your lounge or a game night that your whole floor can be invited to. If you have mutual friends, you can always ask him to hang out and have lunch or dinner in the dining hall as a group, or even venture for food off campus. If he's in one of your classes, talk about getting a group together to study for tests or meeting up to work on homework together in the library or the Union. With both of these ways, it will give you a chance to be able to talk to him one-on-one, but also in a group setting where it may be less intimidating.

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Truly, Adalyn

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Dear Freshman,

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When I started school here, I was in the same boat. I wasn't quite sure how to get involved - mainly because I was so overwhelmed by the abundance of groups you can get involved with. A great way to get involved is to join Spotlight. They host events monthly and have little events throughout the month. It's an easy way to develop new friendships. To get involved with your sporty side, intramurals are a great way to socialize while being a little competitive. From soccer to archery, the sports list is packed with traditional and unique activities. Your community advisor will have information about these, but you can also get additional information from the Student Recreation and Wellness Center. Getting involved spiritually may be a tad more complicated in the sense that it may seem like not a lot of people around campus are involved with a church group, but there are so many options out there. On campus, we've got Central Baptist Student Union, Catholic Campus Ministries and Navigators, just to name a few. Worship with Central BSU at 7 p.m. on Thursdays in W.C. Morris 229. Attend Catholic Mass every Sunday at 7 p.m. in the Alumni Chapel. Or try Nav Night, a nondenominational-based service, at 8 p.m. every Thursday in the Alumni CHapel. With this, you will be able to get involved with your spiritual side.

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Truly,

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--Adalyn

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Bashful Beth,

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I understand completely where you're coming from. I came to UCM with only four people from my high school -- but we were spread all around campus. What I did to make friends quick and easy was just by introducing myself to other residents living in my hall. After I did that, they introduced me to their friends. You should also just ask people, including your CA, if they want to head to the dining hall to grab lunch or dinner.

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Now when it comes to making friends in classes, it may be a bit tricky. I'd suggest striking up conversations with the people sitting around you. I'd exchange numbers with them, that way if they ever need help with homework, or if you need help, you can always contact someone in the same class as you. Working together can create friendships as well. Ask them to meet up to do homework in the rec center, the library, or even the Elliott Student Union You can even get some coffee and snacks while you work together.

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I hope this helps and good luck!

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--Adalyn

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Survival Sav,

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On many occasions, I have experienced the presence of horrible teachers as well. Dropping the course may seem like the easy way out, but it's really not, because you could end up with the same teacher next semester. What I have done in the past, is to get on the teacher's good side. In some eyes, it may seem to fall under the term of "brown nosing" or getting "brownie points," but it's not. Talk to your instructor about assignments and engage during class discussions. You will seem like a social butterfly in their eyes, and you will not have to worry about them making things worse for you. Along with this, take great notes and ask questions when you are confused in class. Others in the class may have the same question but are just too scared to ask. This semester will fly by, trust me.

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Good Luck!

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--Adalyn

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Dear Lauren,

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I will let you know that transitioning to a new school and having to make new friends can be a difficult process, but keeping your best friends from high school can even be harder. Going to different colleges can be challenging, especially since everyone has different schedules. What I have done to keep my best friends at large is setting aside a time where all of us are free to talk about as much as we can before we both have to get back to classes. A lot of my friends went to schools around the Kansas City area so we also make trips to downtown when none of us are busy and we all go eat at Chipotle and catch up once a month.
Skyping at night and making time to call each other is another way to stay in touch, and texting also helps because no matter when you send a text, they will get back to you as soon as they get a chance. Also, planning a weekend when all of you are free to head back home and hang out is another thing that you can do. To make it more personal, sending a handwritten letter to a friend can be meaningful.

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It is very true that there will always be other fish in the sea. However, that is exactly the point. Just because a girl may not be "the one" does not mean you cannot spend time with her and have fun. If you really like her, go ahead and spend time with her. Don't worry about finding the one yet. One day she will come, and maybe the girl you are with could eventually become "the one." Questioning being with her should not have to deal with whether you want to marry her if it is early on in the relationship (I would say less than a year). If you are questioning the relationship, the future should not be the issue; hover, the present should. If the relationship is a healthy one then go ahead and continue. But if at any moment you feel as though it is not so, then go ahead and take a few steps back to reevaluate.

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Dear Jenn,
Relationships in general can be tricky, especially the ones that are long distance. Always remember that it does take two to form and keep a relationship – and communication is key. With that said, I have provided you with two options that may be helpful.
Option A: Make time for each other. Remember that relationships are two sided so be aware of what he says, thinks and feels. Whether it is a simple sightseeing trip or a picnic in the park, plan something romantic. Show him that you care for him and you don’t want to lose him, and make sure he feels the same way.
Option B: Talk to him about what is going on and stay open-minded. It could be something that just escaped his mind while he didn’t mean for it to happen, or it could be a little more serious. In the case of the latter, try some of these ideas to fix the problem: send him handwritten letters or care packages with his favorite items, set up a specific time to call him, send him random texts just to say “have a good day and I’m thinking about you,” or even arrange a movie date via Skype.
I hope you found my advice helpful. Good luck to you and your boyfriend!

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