varenka von monroe

you're sitting in your bed, you know it's time to go. you've said this to yourself a million times, but this time you know for sure its real, you're tired, very tired. you're parents have pissed you off, school was bad today, you go to get the rope or the knife, or whatever you choose to use because you're that desperate to leave. you're ready, no one is home, the perfect time, you're ready. no one knows, no one will know until later on. instead of getting a paper and pen you get the video camera along with a chair, you're standing on the chair, you decide to go with the rope. the rope is tied around your neck, you're crying, you know it's for real this time you can feel it. you turn on the video camera, starring at the flashing red light. you start to mumble a few words, mum, dad, i'm sorry i just can't do this anymore. i don't even know who i am anymore, i have lost myself, i cant find my way back, please don't blame yourself i love you both tell my siblings the same. stay strong and safe i will see you all soon.
you say sorry to your best friend because you know you wont be there for them anymore, especially when they need you more than ever. you're sorry for not being strong, for breaking down. you stare, once again at that red light flashing in your eyes. one foot is off the chair now, mouthing the word goodbye. you have the remote control in your hand to turn off the camera, the finger on the off button. you click that button and as soon as you see that light go off, you go off. both feet are off the chair, the chair is on the floor. the room is filled with silence, you're dead you're gone, there is no going back. everything is over, you don't have to live in pain anymore but everyone else wil. what will your parents think? what about your little brother or sister? what are they going to do? you're gone, dead. no going back. you ended your life because the person you liked didn't like you back. you ended your life because that one teacher was harder on you then anyone else in the class because she knew you can get somewhere in life.
your parents are home now, they call your name letting you know they're home like they normally do. but something is different, you don't answer they don't hear your voice. they come upstairs thinking your sleeping or showering your mum opens your bedroom door and screams at the top of her lungs. she instantly passes out. you're little sibling comes up they scream daddy help, grabbing your leg wanting you to just open your eyes, wake up wake up please. but you don't answer, you don't wake up, you're gone, you're dead, there's no going back, you're not waking up. your dad comes running up the stairs and all he can do is stare. he watches his baby girl swing back and forth on a rope, he see's the video camera and the chair, but he doesn't move. he cries, your dad never cries. he picks up the phone and rings 999, barely getting his words out. he's in tears, he hangs up.
everything is over.you're gone, you're dead

View more