HARR'S WIFE

First of all you don't have to be so rude and tell me to shut up,you don't even know me.I admit I was a lil bit too emotional while writing the texts below,but i really didn't think anybody reads them.I wrote them just to make myself feel better,it's much easier to put your feelings on paper(on laptop in this case lol),to see how things actually are,you know.I really do love him,I'm so proud of how much he achieved in his life considering the fact he is only 19,I'm so happy he is having time of his life,I'm so happy to have him to make me happy.And if that's not love,then what is it? If love is not being happy for his happines,thinking about him every minute,being proud like craziest mum,then I don't believe in love anymore.This may be a phase(even tho i have to admit this is the longest 'crush' i had on somebody(it's been 3 yrs)),but let me enjoy my phase,let me have feelings,let me think what I want to think,and feel what I want to feel.That way,you and me will both be happier.
Btw I do love Harry Styles :)

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Harry Styles,I love you.
Not in a fangirl way,not in a friendly way,I'm not saying I love you becouse I'ma huge fan of 1D,I just love you.
You can't imagine how much I love you,I bet you never loved anyone this much,or anybody loved you this much.
I love every single piece of you;your stupid jokes,your morning deep voice,your messy hair,how you laugh to your own jokes and much more.
I think the worst part of it all is not being unable to have you,it's being unable to have me.I'm just lost without you,I just got lost in all those Harry feelings,mixure of sadness,hapiness,depression,admiring,angriness.
I fall asleep every night thinking about you,about ''us'',things that will never happen.I fall asleep thinking you love me,your mine,we're happy together,I cry myself to sleep.
Sometimes,my Harry feels rudece just a little bit,but it takes just one video or pitcure to bring them to completly on another level.On level where I can't function without you,where I just want sit in the corner of my room crying while holding your pitcure.
But,I can't.I put fake smile on,and continue with my usual life.My empty,worthless life wothout you.But,life is a bitch,and putting fake smile and acting ok is everything I can do.
You see,there's the problem.I don't know for how long I'm still be able to do that,I don't think I can stand it anymore...

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11 letters,2 words-never thought my whole life could fit in that.
Never thought one boy who doesn't know about my existence could affect my life that much that I can't stop thinking about him,not even for a SECONDE.You see that's the problem,I know that,but I can't make myself stop dreaming about him,I CAN NOT,well,you can't command to your heart,right?
It's crazy,that dose of love I feel about him,something I never felt for anybody else before.Something you can't describe with words,you just have to live it.I'm trying to deal with it,but it's starting to be harder and harder.It's affecting my behiviour,manners and life in so many ways.I am not even myself anymore.
I fallen for that sparkle in his eyes first time I saw him,through the monitor of course,on one concert.He was singing with that voice of an angel,so deep ans strong,but in other hand,so gentle and angelic.He was so connected with the audience,it was crazy watching him like that,like they were speaking their own language.I started to watch videos of 1D but all I was watching was him.From the way he speaks,the way he moves his lips,you can se God wanted him to be special.When his curls fall over his eye and he smiles at the ground it's like youre watching scene from heaven.The way he walks,the way he moves his hands,everything about him.And his smile,OH THAT SMILE! I could listen it forever and it wouldn't be enough.It's not just he's look.I never saw man who cares so much about women like him.He's such a gentelman,you can see it.He has the most amazing heart ever.Such a sweetheart.It's crazy what is he doing to me.
I want him.I want him by my side,just to stand there and hold my hand,just to be there.I want him to hug me tight and never let me go.I want feel warmth of his body.I want to feel his breath on my shoulder.I want his lips on mine,his hand in mine,his body by mine.I want him to wishper me secrets and tell me stories,I want to be there for him.I want him to need me like I need him.I want him to suffer like I suffer for him.I want fight with him,I want push him,I want hit him,I want him to catch me strong then and kiss me,I WANT ROCK WITH SIGN ''I MISS YOU'' THROW TO HIS HEAD,SO HE CAN SEE HOW MUCH IT HURTS TO MISS HIM.Miss that part what makes you complete,what makes you a person.I want,but that's crazy.
And what about all tears that have fallen for him? All nights I cried myself to sleep? All sleepless nights I spent thinking about him? All seconds,minutes,hours,days I wasted dreaming about him? Will I ever get them back? NO. You see,there's the problem,wich I see,and can't solve.I fucking love him,and it's killing me,it's destroying me.And I'm fucking crying while writing this,like always when I think about him,but it's not going to change anything,right? It's like you screaming and nobody can hear.You feel hopless,like nothing can save ya.I can cry,I can scream,I can die-but that won't make him mine,won't make him even notice me.
Harry Styles,my love,my everything,my Harry.

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