emeeely

why can't we all just overlook things more easily?
why does the happiest thing that occurs in our life is usually the most destructive ones?
why can't the people we care about so much, actually notice we're trying..?
why can't a smile make someone forget about all the painful memories?
why do we choose to remember the bad memories instead of the happy ones?
why can't we just appreciate more on what we got and are given????
why can't people see how hard someone is trying for them?
why do people keep hurting others without realizing it?
why can't someone be courageous enough to save someone who is falling behind?
why do we ignore the people who help us?
why can't we face the truth?
why is it so difficult to tell everything?
why do we always get the feeling that we're being tossed around?
why can't we just be happy and forget the about the rest?
why must there be a problem in every ending?
why must every ending be a new beginning?
why can't everything just stop????
why can't we move on when all we know is that staying will only kill us more....?????

---

goodnight.

View more

(shameless but i really need to say it and i deactivated my acc in twitter AHAHAHA BECAUSE I REALLY NEED TO SORT MYSELF i'm really wrecked in reality)

---

i really don't want to count and list the moments that happened for the last two years.
but you know it's really.... the most exciting time in my high school year(s)? IS THERE S?? IDK SHIT THIS
and i know most of you are saying school is the shittiest why are we going school and all that shit
...
okAY OKAY I SAY IT TOO JFC
but i don't regret everyone says it anyway its a trend /flips hair/
but it's all fake
when i told sam i cant wait to leave high school
or say i wont miss it here
i wont this and that i'm glad i'm leaving
and all that pointless mother fucker (i'm sorry i'm swearing i tend to when things get emotional)
it's wrong
those are just plain words written on a piece of paper that is going to end up recycled.
because after the o levels end
it means high school is a bye bye (I'M NOT COMING BACK FOR JUNE I DONT WANT BALBLALDFA YADAYDAADADYAD SHUT UP YONG QIN)
like i said it wont be the same even if i have some of my friends with me in PTE
it just wont be the same anymore...
and it really feels idk whats the word uncomfortable?? when you have reality slap you really so fucking hard that you're going to leave every single fucking shit memory all the disgusting class photo blegh never look good in any and the long boooooring assembly (admit it) and Councillors god we hate them LOL jk
it just you know it wont be the same?

---

i'm far from being the good friend and so near to being the bad influence and shitty friend (and FUNNY EHEHAHEHAHOHOAGH FOR KIANNA F DHFAJEHHEH I'M COMEDIAN) but i have the place no i own this shit place to say i'm going to miss you all especially sam bECAUSE HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME BEHIND IN FUCKING BRUNEI AND YOU GO AUSTRALIA DATE CUTE ENGLISH BOYS LIKE OK YOU GO GIRL ((i'm going to miss you))
I'M NOT CRYING WHILE TYPING heheha ah ha
((10080 RUINED MY LIFE AND THIS UGH I HATE EVERYTHING))

---

i want you to realize
high school is not hell
high school is where you meet some pointless idiots, get them dramas roll around you ACE THOSE PIECE OF SHIT PAPERS IN EXAMS and find people who basically made some deep shit happen in your life and is going to leave you soon (coughsamcough), find someone there whose worth your fucking kidneys to keep.

---

((it'll be hell only during PTA ehehhe))
i'll type a blog you know there's so much to say i just made a good start to this but i can't seem to find a way to end.

---

kianna i felt so emotional today when we ate at jollibee it reminded me of via and sam, and you too AHAHA and esther (drumstick) and when we went back i started feeling like fucking crap because i remembered how we whipped cream esther and everything they just came flying back to me like i'm a fucking magnet and they're the fucking iron. lol and that picture of my back facing you, i needed some space and um can you send it to me :-) sorry not sorry

View more

been asked this question for like 43138 times
but this time i'm going to answer "realistically" because i realize a lot of things today
((you see hanging out with kianna gives me hell load of fun and shit load to think about))

---

i've only been in sas for 4 years
i'm not sure if i have the right to say "i belong in that shitty place" or not, but

---

i belong in that shitty place in that shitty class with the best idiots.

---

as you can see (from kianna's tweets) i just had fun today in kiulap basically doing nothing and yeah
we came back from kiulap because it looked like it was going to rain (we actually checked by standing near a puddle of water seeing if we can spot any rain drops)
we were sitting in front of her class Year 9......B is it B kianna LMFAO
and i looked diagonally down and saw my class . . . . in the corner near the stairs and i thought haha class

---

and realize that time went pretty slow in the beginning and it's still hella slow for me now (because exams)
I notice that i'm really going to miss this place, as much as i hate to say it i'll miss the people in it the most.
even if we're going to the same PTE branch it'll be different
there wont be some ass called adam asking stupid questions in classes and then faisal shusshing for him to stfu
or having renzhi doing the weirdest shit dance and giving the weirdest face
or having to write suankit's name on board under "absentees" because he's always absent -_- towards the end of the year
or having sam beside me, doing the most incoherent shit and singing the most annoying song and- so much just so much
or seeing jiahwen sleep in class and escape it easily
or teasing lydia because her bf is just next class
and whispering via's name having her to turn back and glare at me ((and sam))
or having faisal staring deeply on the board behind the class not sure if he is actually listening or...
or killing suankit with sam
going to biology, chemistry, physics lab THE LATEST ALWAYS
having lazy days for pe
asking why do we have malay club for cca
staying back for extra class
never doing our duties (sam)
and the most exciting AHAHAHAHHA penthalon thingy not because game because ugh idk najin taming is freaking stupid and so much fun?????
or getting scolded by mrs shaffee because her english damn deep
and there won't be "i hope this tuesday got netball"
afternoon escape with kianna
MUARA PORT WITH SAM
doing the random-est shit with kianna after school
laughing like crazy with sam in classes and going squeaky because lesson was still on
freaking out everything ms ong gives me a look
watching as every sports with ball correctly hit sam's head
listening to jiahwen's squeaking
not listening in bm class and then having cg normah shoot the whole class with sarcasm
or me laughing loudly in class and sam writing down the times i embarrassed myself
kianna being a shitty brat in recess
sam hitting me with real force
sam crying
and a lot of moments with a lot of people that i cant list anymore because limit---

View more

so he's been bugging me to answer him since an hour ago or so

---

he wanted a first impression,

---

chipmunk i will not add further more tbh but because he will feel offended so i shall add; chipmunk is not an insult.
and to that anon who called him fat through sam's ask fm, if he's fat then what r u :-) dont go around insulting people when all you do is hide behind someone's ass mother fucker.
opps no fucks given oright
((IM STILL NOT OVER KIANNA'S EPISODE OF HATE TBH but its ok forgiven))
-
anyway, because of miri trip sam met him, and surprisingly thats how they know each other well ya.
at first during the ride back to bru, i thought he was a bit flirty with sam but i guess i thought wrong because eric is just a dish of idk rainbows...? with rain....? hmm and since sam got close to him so i thought hey he must be nice then.

---

and my assumptions are always right because king of prophecy.

---

that doesnt change the fact that he sounds like a chipmunk though, again this is not an insult.

---

-

---

well bad choice to skype call with him sam and kianna because ya im weird. i mean he just said im weird dw im gonna ask him to do thoughts on me as well (make sure you make essay) he tHINKS I HAVE A WEIRD LAUGH but trust me he has a weirder one.
-
i personally legitimately honestly think eric is a nice friend who is nice to annoy, i mean he's easy to bully la AAHAHAHHHAAHAHAHAHA im just kidding. and he is smart in addmaths and is eager to leave the hall after every paper.

---

and he thinks all people who go to tuition is stupid. and also he forgets things WAYYYY too easily it gets on my nerves esp when he be like emily i ask you something then the next second i said what he replies i forgot.

---

man.
just thinking about it /SLAMS THE WALL/
i guess thats all i have to say. overall,

---

if i have a dish of lambchop and eric to choose i would choose lambchop and eat infront of him just to see him wail helplessly because sharing is not a part of my dictionary.

---

hence a summary is appropriate: good friend.

View more

wanting....???? how many times did i say i want to die or jump off a cliff, i think everytime when some deep shit happens i always have the urge to just stab myself and die but im a coward so you dont expect much from me ya.
-
i have my reasons
first, family (although 90% of times i want to die is because of how fucking unfair they get)
second, tlist (i still need to see them get married HAHHAHA MENTAL)
third, friends.
and fourth, myself
-
well the way i think is really complex, i ll think like if someone in my life suicides because of some problem ill hate them with my gut because its depressing and how fuking dare you leave me behind.

---

and suicide is just plain selfish. you're ending it for yourself, and you dont think about what wreck you did after youre gone to the rest who actually gave two pieces of shit about your existence.
isnt that legit?

---

you live for yourself and people who care
you dont live for people who has fury against you, right?

View more

1. i have trypophobia.
i'm seriously not even being like any of those people who likes to make some weird ass phobia as the phobia like fuck i'm not joking, hayley just told me to search that up when i told her about my fears last night, i'm not talking to her anymore :-)
-
some people would say they're afraid of oblivion or nothingness but i think i'm ok with those like fINE FORGET ME FORGET ME LA or K THE WORLD WILL END i'll com bust into confetti ((preferably the colourful ones)) ((maybe those that taste like sushi idk)) and die, i'm ok.
but i'm more of afraid of
2. forgetting about someone's existence.
like when someone pasts away i get afraid that i forget about them, so sometimes my mom catches me writing my past away uncles' and aunties', and great grandma's or grandpa's or grandma's names down like i just randomly jot them down around.
-
3. depression.
that's the very least because (i'm king and king rules happily) like i really hate (myself) being sad or rather like depressed and stuff so i always try to avoid things that puts me in that state. i remember during the long ride back to Malaysia to attend a funeral was the worst fucking shit ever, especially when you have so many things left undone with that person beCAUSE SOME FUCKING DICK FUCFGASDFJKLASJKLDFAJKL don't want to talk about it.
so,,,, please don't die on me everyone.
i can't imagine the day when my husband and I, that is hopefully if i don't turn into a nun, grew old and like if he dies before me i'll fucking haunt him in my human form like omg please live 100 years and let me live 99 years i can't stand going around when everything reminds me of things that makes me want to kill myself yoU MARRY ME FOR A REASON, SO BE STRONGER THAN ME K. ok nvm we die together.

---

first plan after marriage

---

"how to die together"

View more