Acee

Will I ever grow out of kpop? Maybe. Maybe not. (I think I will someday.) I know some people who are still kpop fans even when they've completely grown up. But I know many who have completely grown out of it. You know, there are some days when I just don't feel like being a kpop fan. That happens often every once in a while. Sometimes I just feel like it's too tiring being a fangirl 24/7. There are so many things happening at once (even though they're not really significant), and I just feel like I have to keep up with what's going on (no matter what it is). It can be exhausting since it's just the same thing I'm doing over and over and over again. And I get bored easily. So that makes me feel even more drained than I already am. On those days I try to do other things. I try to be something else for a change. Those days are refreshing. I feel like I'm breaking a routine. But then something interesting and new happens in the kpop world and I come crawling back to it helplessly.

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Perhaps kpop is my drug. Constant. Comforting. Addictive. Maybe that's what makes it so juvenile. I don't really need kpop. And yet I keep coming back for more, wanting more. I used (still use) kpop as an escape. A momentary break from everything else I don't want to think about or deal with. Another childish act, yes. But then again, I was a child. (Probably still am one.) Growing up meant more responsibilities, more reality to deal with. I accepted that but I didn't want to surrender to it. So I kept escaping (like the child that I am). But escapism is so addicting because I felt like I was breaking away from a routined way of life. But because it became an addiction, I feel like I'm stuck in an eternal loop with no way out. Funny how I used kpop as my escape. Now I feel like there's no escaping it. Now, it became a routine itself. I used to be mildly depressed at some point of my high school life, you know. Kpop got me out of it. It became my support. But I relied on it so much that even though I've fully healed I still cling onto it in fear that I might fall back into darkness again. Like a person with fully working legs still walking with crutches.

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But like I said, I feel like I'll grow out of it someday like many friends I know. I don't think the part of me that adores the girls will ever be left behind though. She'll always be with me. I figure that she'll just grow up into a person with a new perspective and different priorities in life. I think that the adoration might slightly fade though, but it will never be gone. Like an old photograph with fading images or an old book with yellowing pages, I guess. They grow old with time. But they're never completely gone. They're still there. They never really leave.

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I just did. I was naturally drawn to their interactions. But same as JeTi, I think it's mostly because I have a huge thing for ships with opposite personalities but actually have several things in common that help them relate to each other. I love how Irene is timid and quiet while Wendy is energetic and loud. I love how Irene is actually childish and playful while Wendy is motherly and careful. I love how Irene once said "Although she takes care of others well, it worries me. When others see Wendy, they only see the bright sides of her, but as a person who sees her everyday and talks to her, I see the parts of her that are broken and hurt. Wendy can have a weak heart at times." I love how Wendy once said "But it's like electricity flows through Irene unnie's hands and it really comforts me." I love how Wendy is always looking after Irene, always helping her, always guiding her. But at the same time, Irene sees through her, knows her, worries about her. I love how they help each other out in that way. I love that kind of relationship under a non-romantic light. I know this ship isn't real (all of our ships tbh), but I do know that the connection and relationship that Irene and Wendy have with each other is genuine. I may be just a fan and this may be based just on observations and what we see from them or what they let us see in public. But I'd like to believe that it isn't just for show. It isn't just to showcase a fabricated bond between groupmates in order to attract more fans. I believe that all the girls really do care about each other.

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Irene loves wearing Wendy's oversized shirts. Although Wendy is just the same size as Irene, she prefers wearing oversized clothing, claiming that she felt that she was fat even when Irene assured her that she wasn't. Wendy always believed her but that didn't stop her from buying oversized shirts because she felt more comfortable in them than fit clothing. Irene doesn't mind Wendy's choice of fashion. If anything, she loves Wendy's oversized shirts because she can cuddle in them and feel Wendy's warmth even if Wendy isn't around. On most nights Wendy would come home and find Irene in the kitchen wearing one of her loose shirts as the older girl cooked dinner. She would sneak behind Irene and surprise her with a loving kiss on the cheek before asking her "Why did you steal my shirt, hmm?" Irene would laugh and tell her "Because it makes me feel like you're hugging me even when you're not home."

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Irene loves Wendy's oversized shirts, but she doesn't mind Wendy tugging it off as they both stumble into the bedroom with lips desperately pressed together and limbs tangling into each other.

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