Now your loved ones are in heaven and they're looking over you, they want you to be happy. Let go and move on, as hard as it may sound. One day, when you're super old and wrinkly, you'll pass as well, and meet your loved ones in heaven, but that day is far, so till then, learn to recover and live.
Why would you want to go through with suicide? :( i know things may be rough, but i promise you things will get better, keep faith please, one day youre gonna look back and smile because you chose to live. Chip up beautiful, you're not alone, we're all struggling <3