Katana Rose

What was the best thing that happened to you in your life?
meeting my boyfriends and joining the furry fandom, ive never had good true friends really until i joined the fandom and its really nice to have that support from friends and have someone(s) to go to when you need to talk something out or get others inputs/support.

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Was that thing something good and positive or something bad and negative but you were able to fight past it?
good: that i never struck back, killed myself, or attacked my bullies back, despite all the torment they put me through, many times to the point of wanting to commit suicide. though i wish i would have stood up for myself more then i did back then, i tended to just stay quiet and never say anything.
bad: I developed Trichotillomania; pulling out my eyelashes. to try to cope with stress. i started in middle school and it haunted me up until high school and made my getting bullied much worse then it had been before which just made me pull more. it took a lot of self strength to start stopping and ive not pulled for some time though i always fear relapsing.

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my insecurities. I have a tendency to let them get the best of me, I don't show it or try to talk about it too much but im one of those people that no matter how much tells me something; love me, think im pretty, attractive, etc. I constantly question it and wonder if its true. I constantly have to be reassured, especially if its something about my looks. I was one of those "ugly ducklings" growing up, I never had any good relationships, I was cheated on, etc. When I would tell guys I thought they were cute they would pretend to puke or laugh at me. I was never large but I was short, had braces, no eyelashes, and with glasses had a side of the lenses that made one of my eyes look huge due to me being practically blind in my right eye. I was "weird" because I liked pokemon and had no solid group of friends, I eventually gave up trying to having friends, because all it did was make me feel worse by the comments people would make if I tried to sit with them or talk to them. I was relentless bullied on the bus and at school dances and at school and developed trillotricomania in middle school so Middle school through early high school I had plucked out all my eyelashes due to stress and it created more bullying. Then to return home and deal with mental abuse, I always held it in and I didn't have any good friends I could really turn to because I was too afraid of being a burden to someone, anytime I ever tried to open up to someone I was told they didn't want to hear it or that I was annoying, I started keeping to myself knowing everyone fights their own battles internally, they didn't want to have mine on top of it. I just started to learn to hold everything in, not to talk to anyone about it and just not bother trying to make friends because they would move on from me soon. I just stayed quiet, sat in a corner of the rooms and just played video games. I do like compliments, they help a little but I feel like compliments, they don't mean it, no matter how sincere they may be. Sometimes we're so convinced by our own low self esteem it's hard to believe when someone tells us we're beautiful, I happen to be one of those people, and I've been trying to deal with it myself and get over it, but its hard, its very hard for me to change how I think of myself after dealing with what I dealt with for so many years. Everyday I had school or was home would be put down by others. Now I look really different then from 2-3+ years ago. It hurts to look back at all my yearbooks. I'm insecure. Now, people call me cute, and ask who I am. But I, feeling small, thinking that they're saying it just to try to tear me down later or something. Or that the interest is false and just a way to get close to someone else I know or attempt, etc. It's hard to let go of that feeling of insecurity. I guess that's just life and I'll have to get over the past, i've been trying too but its still extremely hard for me. I still see my appearance as the ugly duckling from my school years.

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YES! I have a set list and already pretty much know what few I want to get made next:
Mika V.2-made by firestorm and other makers
Tattoo (very early fursona, originally my main sona for a while before I created Katana)-made by firestorm
(I hope to get tattoo and mika made at around the same time)

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Koi -to get made by fruitsuit

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Katana-different forms +in no order+ -angel dragon~phoenixwolf33?, -
rabbit/hare~RuffledDesign (most wanted suit I want to get made aside from Mika V.2),
semi toony/realistic katana (regular form)~MixedCandy,
ive also been thinking of a crux or sergal form of her for a suit,
and possibly other forms in the future.

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Surprise Suit-AutumnFallings (future suit hope to get commish. soon as well) -I know what I want made, its just figuring out what colors I want for it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~potential suits in the future (after 7ish years?)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maple-get made by keeatah -still unsure if she will get made into a suit; id be afraid if she got made she'd only get worn around Halloween time-

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Keita-furret fursona

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Rune & Sake-if they ever get made I would want someone to wear Sake with me, as they are twins. Really debating on possibly getting the suits made for bf and me. but I haven't spoken to him about it yet since they aren't any suits I hope to get built within the next few years unless plans change.

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Xtasy-early character I created, would LOVE to get her made into a suit, but she would end up VERY expensive as when I created her design it was created strictly with creating a fursuit design; anything that can light up or glow, etc. on a suit is how she was designed to be.

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I am a primary/secondary monogamous polyamorous person. There is a LONG list of different types of poly relationships. My non fur boyfriend is my primary, raver my secondary. Raver and my non furry boyfriend are not involved with each other but they are both involved with me, separately. They both know this and are okay with me being this kind of person. I thoroughly discussed everything with both boyfriends beforehand and they both agreed with it. Both parties are not interested in being with other people aside from being with me, this has been discussed. I do not plan on bringing anyone else into the relationship myself, neither do they. I am happy/love (my) with my two boyfriends, two is enough for me. I am however protective of them, same as they are with me. I do NOT like when people think that just because both me and Raver are/were poly (non fur boyfriend is strictly monogamous) that means they think either one of us will allow someone into our circle. Our circle is CLOSED OFF, and it really irks me that people think that just because anyone is poly, that means that that anyone will just allow any random person into their group. Raver was allowed to be poly (with men) at one point in the past but there was a severe lack of communication issue and there were problems, we discussed it together and we both decided to keep it monogamous with each other and have agreed we are BOTH happy with that. I am very strict when it comes to the rules of my partners and myself, I will NOT go through or set rules in place if even ONE person is not happy/okay with it. Reason being I won't share my partners, none of us in our circle want to share each other with outside members. If Raver would ever want to be poly again we would discuss it but neither of us have any interest in bringing others into the circle. Because of this I am protective of both boyfriends, they both have their freedom to talk to others, etc. just like I do but if any of us have an issue with someone trying to get involved I get notified about whats going on. We keep a strict open communication rule in place to prevent any misunderstandings/ drama from happening within our circle. I am protective of them because I have an extremely protective nature over my boyfriends, again another thing that has been discussed even before dating, I've had issues in the past with people NOT respecting my relationships by still making subtle/not so subtle advances on them. We had a recent one where someone kept coming onto Raver and he didn't want to be mean and just flat out tell them he had no desire what so ever to be anything more then friends with them despite their constant advances on him. It ruined one of our days together because they kept blowing up his phone when we were trying to have "us" time. While the problem has been taken care of it was extremely frustrating/infuriating to have someone do this and think this was okay to do.

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