you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but I was just wondering what exactly you had/went through? I was just wondering.
(paper i wrote at end of school year)
copy & pasted.
I isolated myself from people, and sadness became my best friend.Even though I was breathing I didn't feel alive. I would wake up and the first thing I was looking forward to was crawling back into bed. That’s how I escaped my problems it stopped me from being alone with my own thoughts, which haunted me; I was at war with myself. I dealt with severe depression, self image issued, and anxiety everyday. I am not proud, but am able to say I was writing suicide notes at the age of 15. People reached out to help me, and I did seek numerous places for help. I didn't like what they told me, I greatly disliked the idea of medication; I hated the idea of relying on a pill in order to feel okay about myself and I was at the least to say stubborn. One day I decided I was no longer going to be sad, and that I was done depending on others to help me. I knew if I wanted to change that I had to work on myself, and only I could do that. I spent hours in book stores buying books giving tips on self development, and self love, I was constantly researching on google what I could do in order to learn how to love myself once again. There was nothing I wanted more in the world, I was in love with the idea of being happy. Reading things such as “look at yourself in the mirror everyday at least once and remind yourself you are beautiful” made me laugh. I thought to myself this is pointless and will help me in no aspects. But I was willing to do anything and did this everyday for the next three months. I left sticky notes around my mirror complimenting myself even if it was the the most stupidest or simplest things. After awhile I was able to look at myself without feeling empty. Another exercise I turned to was the start of going to places alone. Every sunday I went to a coffee shop and brought a few things to work on. The least to say I was not comfortable with this. I sat there alone, I felt stupid, I constantly worried what people were thinking, and in all honesty got nothing done. as time went on I was able to go out places alone, and I was comfortable with myself. In fact I started to enjoy my own presence. All of these little things did add up and did help me feel okay about myself, it just took time. Still to this day I am constantly working on myself and looking to improve from the person I was yesterday. I have changed my mindset completely. I am the happiest I have ever been, and have finally reached peace with myself. Time heals pain, if we allow it to I believe.
copy & pasted.
I isolated myself from people, and sadness became my best friend.Even though I was breathing I didn't feel alive. I would wake up and the first thing I was looking forward to was crawling back into bed. That’s how I escaped my problems it stopped me from being alone with my own thoughts, which haunted me; I was at war with myself. I dealt with severe depression, self image issued, and anxiety everyday. I am not proud, but am able to say I was writing suicide notes at the age of 15. People reached out to help me, and I did seek numerous places for help. I didn't like what they told me, I greatly disliked the idea of medication; I hated the idea of relying on a pill in order to feel okay about myself and I was at the least to say stubborn. One day I decided I was no longer going to be sad, and that I was done depending on others to help me. I knew if I wanted to change that I had to work on myself, and only I could do that. I spent hours in book stores buying books giving tips on self development, and self love, I was constantly researching on google what I could do in order to learn how to love myself once again. There was nothing I wanted more in the world, I was in love with the idea of being happy. Reading things such as “look at yourself in the mirror everyday at least once and remind yourself you are beautiful” made me laugh. I thought to myself this is pointless and will help me in no aspects. But I was willing to do anything and did this everyday for the next three months. I left sticky notes around my mirror complimenting myself even if it was the the most stupidest or simplest things. After awhile I was able to look at myself without feeling empty. Another exercise I turned to was the start of going to places alone. Every sunday I went to a coffee shop and brought a few things to work on. The least to say I was not comfortable with this. I sat there alone, I felt stupid, I constantly worried what people were thinking, and in all honesty got nothing done. as time went on I was able to go out places alone, and I was comfortable with myself. In fact I started to enjoy my own presence. All of these little things did add up and did help me feel okay about myself, it just took time. Still to this day I am constantly working on myself and looking to improve from the person I was yesterday. I have changed my mindset completely. I am the happiest I have ever been, and have finally reached peace with myself. Time heals pain, if we allow it to I believe.
