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Well..erm so..hello!
I have no clue where to start and i'm so scared to tell you everything! I don't know why but I think it's the right time now to tell you everything so you can stop asking me!
Let's talk about my family..
I had a little brother called Daniel and I never got the chance to meet him, he passed away when he was little! Now there's only me, my sister and brother! I don't live with my dad, he left us when i was little! Yes, he is gay and he got drinking problems..but i can't do anything about it! When i moved to England i left my grandma in Poland...she died not a long ago! I always blame myself for it! I used to be really close to my mum, just like best friends! We started to fall out when we came to England, she never used to support me, never said she's proud of me! She went to college with me and that was the first time she was actually supporting me with something, i cried when she said "you can do it, i believe in you..i'm proud of you beautiful'! All i always used to hear from her was "you make my life hard, etc" Now me and my mum get on pretty well! Let's talk about my depression, shall we?! I always used to get bullied in school..for everything! I missed so many lessons, days, weeks because i was scared to go there, i knew i would get beat up or people will laugh at me again! One day, i took something sharp and started to cut..nothing serious..few tiny scratches..but they realeased my pain! I always thought 'come on,it can't get serious..i can control it" but i was wrong.. my cuts got deeper and there was more of them! My whole leg, arm and wrist is in scars! I have 3big one's after a really big argument with mum, i will just leave it for now! I overdoose once and ended up in a hospital! Sometimes i'm scared of myself! I stopped going out, i was just in my room for a whole day, crying and listening to music, i wouldn't talk to anyone and if someone tried i would go crazy again:( Now i get help from camhs and this lady is coming to see me once a week!
You think i'm perfect? You're wrong! I'm stubborn, spoilt, nasty etc! I have my little attacks where i cry, i'm shaking and i can't breathe! You would never be able to understand me..I'm me! I had a boyfriend...for one year and four months..we broke up not a long ago! He was my everything, you have no clue how perfect everything was! We used to live together for few months! We had our future plans, everything was so serious! We wanted to become a family! He's the only person that understands me, that knows me and is always there was me, he knows how to treat me in every possible situation! But yeah..we broke up! It's all my fault..i had the most perfect relationship ever! We tried to fix it, but it didn't work! He changed! It was so fucking painful! I'm now in a relationship with someone else, not for long but it's not the same! I compare him to my ex, i think about my ex! I love my ex! My ex is now with some other girl.. he loves her! They're going to live together...

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I can't believe this is happening! I'll wake up and he's not going to be next to me! Some girl is going to wake up and see his beautiful smile..i feel like i'm dreaming! He is mine and only mine, i can't accept the fact that she got him..Whenever i close my eyes, i see them together..i can feel my heart breaking in pieces! I stopped cutting, started to go out, went to college but i went back to cutting 2days ago, because of my ex! I love him way too much to let go!
When i started to use ask.fm i always got really upset about the hate! But now, i learned so much from it, hate doesn't affect me! I never take anything seriously on this website! Sometimes it makes me so happy how people message me and they're happy because they talk to me! Yes, i love getting the attention because i never used to have friends, i never used to be 'popular' now, it's like a dream to me.. so many people talk to me.. it's amazing! When i tell everyone that i self harmed it's not attention seeking! I tell ask.fm because i know that there are people on here that care about me! They want to know what's going on with me and they want to make sure i'm okay! I would rather tell them and get them to talk to me than sit in my room and do something stupid! This website is sick! I'm always trying to be friends with everyone! I don't judge others! I don't follow the crowd, for example everyone 'hates' Tori and Kenneth and i fucking love them!

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Okay, i'm already in tears!
That's not everything, i might tell you more soon!
I'm ready for the hate..
But.. yeah..i'm just fucking done with everything!

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GOODBYE

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