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I often ask hubs if he wants me todo things like iron his shirts or make his coffee and he replies "no it's ok" so I don't-my bestie says I should b a good wife and do these things anyway; I say if he declines my help then I don't do it- your thoughts here on these things?

Listen to your husband. You're married to him, not your bestie. And I guarantee bestie isn't married giving that advice.
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Liked by: Jasmine A. Edwards Cathy Laura Asseauguste Unchinked Armor J.S. _

My bf of a short time confessed to me last night that sometimes he feels like he's not good enough for me but it's something he's working on and makes him want to be better. Is that a red flag or just a moment of vulnerable honesty? I can SEE his effort at self-improvement.

Moment of vulnerability. The action backs up his words about work. Let him be and thank him for his honesty.
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Liked by: Whitelle Unchinked Armor Courtney Harge Megan Kearns Cathy Ene Trishtn _

Trans. Bf wants to be on the DL for a bit while he gets comfortable being with me around his friends/public (not visibly trans, but vocal about it on social media). we like each other a lot (1.5 years of flirting/friends) but idk if I can be his girl on the low. I don't want to be a secret. Advice?

Don't be anyone's secret. It's one thing to not want people on your biz (social media), another to pretend you don't exist (real world).
Trans BF needs to become comfortable with himself before seeking a partner
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Liked by: Courtney Harge Jasmine A. Edwards J.S.

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Boss expects ass kissing- not about it. Recently accused me of not being a team player after excluding me from multiple projects. Can't leave. Call him out or play nice(r)?

Play nicer. If you can't leave, you also don't want to be fired. You gotta kiss ass.
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have a tentative date set for a couple weeks out bc schedules are bad. in the interim though what to do? i hate that i keep score, but i feel like i'll look too interested if i hit him up to say hello. thoughts?

God forbid a man you are interested in thinks you are actually interested. I mean... :-/
Call and say "hi", if that's what you want to say.
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Liked by: Unchinked Armor Jaye Sun _

Friend feels that she should not go for very attractive guys ... I don't get it why not go for the best ? She tells me I need to look at maybe 5-7's because they will treatyou right . I think she has issues with er appearance so she thinks she deserves a "ugly" guy ? How do I respond I'm At a loss

Eh... If her theory comes from low self esteem, the source of the thought isn't healthy. But the logic isn't entirely off here.
Everyone is chasing the 8-10s. Competition is strong. 5-7s, less so. And you will still have to deal with some BS (it comes with all humans). There's not guarantee AT ALL that you will be treated better by a less attractive guy.
Let her do what she wants. But her theories dont need to apply your dating life if you don't want them to.
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Liked by: Unchinked Armor

There is this guy I want to get to know after various occasions of making out and expressing feelings towards one another. He says he wants to get to know me too. But everytime he wants to hangout he wants to go to his house. How will he get to know me there? Am I wrong that this gives mixed signals

He wants to have a sex. You've made it about a bunch if times, not he wants to put it in. If you're not tying to do him, don't go to his house.
Hems not interested in dating you/ getting to know you.
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Liked by: Unchinked Armor _

Not OP: When guys indirectly ask for your number/info is this because they enjoy being chased as well? Because to me, it makes just about as much sense as someone texting "call me" when they simply could have called you themselves. Do they not want to look like the aggressive one or something?

That. Or they're trying to avoid direct rejection.

Is it ok for me to skip being at the hospital when brother-in-law's baby is born (first child, big shower/ family time couple weeks ago). CBeing the "newest family member" for the duration of labor = much. Big new job starting, I just want to chill & meet baby later. Wrong? Married 3yrs.

Ask husband to gauge the level of offense.
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Liked by: Unchinked Armor Beautifully Complex Courtney Harge

OP: BFF's bf held her in car: They talked again last night, he hung up on her. Then he called her back, she didn't pick up. He told her she sucked and then called her 41 times. Now this morning she told me he called 240 times and drove to her house. She talked on the phone w/ him. umm idk wat to say

She needs to get a restraining order on him. He's off. He's given all the signs that he will hurt her and/or himself.
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Liked by: Unchinked Armor Jasmine A. Edwards _ Chanel Laura Asseauguste

Re: Business Card .... Isn't someone giving you their card and saying text me your info a direct ask for the number? If i was the guy I would think she didn't want me to have her number because she didnt send. Am I wrong in my thinking?

It's indirect. If he really wanted her number right there, he could have asked for it. He's not wrong, per se.
But yes, I would assume not interested.

You seem so anti-relationship sometimes but then these loooong stories come up and it is always something shady. Sometimes I wonder just based on this forum is everybody shady??!! Do you think there is more bad than good, more good than bad and how are you so positive when you spot dirt in all thi

i'm not anti-relationship. consider the platform here.
people don't write in to advice columns when things are going well and they have amazing partners who are on point. and they don't write in at the first sign of trouble. I'm a last resort.
most of the people who come here know something is wrong, they are looking for confirmation from another POV or advice how to fix.
i don't get jaded because I know this is not the end all, be all. the happy people are off in the world being happy.
oh, and i think people are people. that means sometimes good, sometimes bad.
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Liked by: Unchinked Armor Laura Asseauguste _ Beautifully Complex Courtney Brown

not OP but do you tnink there is a way to manage a boss whose insecure and controlling... has something to prove to senior management. I know it sounds horrible but there's many great qualities as well and working with this individual can be a great learning experience.

Nope.
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at guy's knock at the door it was the courtesy officer saying his gf was trying to reach him...family emergency. After calling his family I asked "Did he say gf" hes like yes. me: do you have a "gf" he said no it was sister..then he was ALL over and a few inches I having sex. I stop. I'm not sure if

"pt 2: courtesy officers: it was the emotions about finding out someone had heart failure and is in hospice or he really had a gf and this was last shot. He was really shaken up and all over the place and did apologize. It dont know what to think"
sounds fishy. if you don't have a SO and someone comes to your door talking about one, you stop them and say, hey, wrong person, i don't have a girlfriend. you don't just go along.
any other signs that he's not on the up and up?
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Fiancé loans money to the pastors wife frequently. She pays back but I find it innapropriate that she comes to him on the regular (whether he grew up knewing her or not). Told him things have to change when we get married, he disagrees and says if someone is in need he will help? Suggestions Belle?

No. She has a husband. If she needs money, she needs to go to her husband, not yours.
Not ok to loan other men's wives money. And not ok to give money to non-relatives when your wife is not okay it. You need to go back mans address this one. Would he be okay with you borrowing money from other men?
Sorry. But this sounds hella fishy. You sure there's not more to the relationship between fiancé and past it's wife.
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Liked by: Nikki Buchanan Markysha Cannon, MA Cathy Unchinked Armor Laura Asseauguste _ Jasmine A. Edwards

on his bday, i welcomed bf w/ favorite home cooked dish, and lingerie. Fed&teased him then sex.was awesome.He's been hinting about wanting all that again.But for me it was a 1time extra, something that would only be recurrent for a hubby not a bf. how do i tell him that?

say it plain just like you've said here.
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Liked by: Nikki Buchanan Unchinked Armor J.S. Courtney Harge

What on 3rd date with guy. At the end of the date he give me a hug and didn't want to let go. He still lives at home, stating he doesn't want to live alone. He's 41 and has a good job!! I'm thinking he's needy. Red flags?

M
Yup
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Liked by: Cathy Unchinked Armor _ J.S. M

Is it a dumb idea to purchase a condo with an ex, if you are expecting a child together?

If you're not getting back together, what's the point?

Boyfriend is super fit but eats junk a lot. I am a healthy eater but size 8-10. He makes remarks or jokes abt 'you shouldn't eat this or eat that coz it's quite unhealthy' when q'd he said because he wants me to be healthy long term. Very active sex life, obvs attracted to me. What gives B?

He doesn't want you to gain weight. He's so a little controlling.
Ask him to stop. Explain that you're a healthy eater, and actually you're concerned about his junk.
If that doesn't work, do it back to him. Sometimes people need to feel.
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Liked by: Unchinked Armor _

This guy flirts w/ me every time he sees me @ events. At 2nd to last event (4wks ago) he gave me his biz card & said to text my info 2 him. Never did. Seen him again recently @ another event. We flirted but he still didn't ask for my #. Should I just text him or wait for him 2 directly ask for my #?

At this point, wait.
You could have sent your info though and that would have been fine.
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Liked by: J.S. _ Unchinked Armor

Texting guy he told me he was sick I told him I hope he gets better . He them says you should have said and proceeds to send me screen shot of what I'm Assuming another girl asking him a bunch of questions about being sick . Was he just being an ass or should I have said more ?

He's being an ass. Your response was fine.
Oh, and at the point he's sending screenshots f what another woman said, he's not at all interested.
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Liked by: Megan Kearns Cathy Dom J.S. _ Courtney Harge Beautifully Complex A. Unchinked Armor

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