No one can give you internal peace except your own will. It’s harsh part and you have to be patient. I know it’s difficult but marna is not an option. You commit a mistake lekin koi nie hojata hai, just repent it and dw, when you will repent and move on, things will be going to be smooth. Please don’t kept this trauma saved in your mind, otherwise, it’s going to haunt you for life. Allah asaaniyan paida karay aapkey liye