@MadeInTheAM's obsession with celebrities is keeping her from finding a boyfriend. What should she do? She really needs your help !

February 12, 2016

When people have obsessions that prevent them from moving forward in their lives, it indicates there are much deeper problems. Her issues with celebrities is only the proverbial tip of the iceberg. She needs more than just a short answer here, much more.

I dated a guy for over a year and a half. 10 months into the relationship, we got engaged. Family loved him. About 2 months after we got engaged, I moved in with him. We broke up when I went home to visit my family. It's been 5 months and he won't give my stuff back, what should I do)

February 12, 2016

Depending on how much value you place on your stuff, you can always take him to small claims court if you are in the U.S. You can also try laying a little guilt on him. "Does it make you feel like a real man to keep my things?"

My gf cheated on me with my best friend. I am so mad at both of them that I won’t respond to them even though they have tried to apologize. Some people are telling me I should just forgive them. I don’t want to do that. Do you think I’m being too stubborn? I’d like to run them both over with a tank.

February 12, 2016

I don't think you are being stubborn. I think that your wound is very deep and will take a long time to heal. "Just forgiving them" invalidates your feelings. Don't feel you have to forgive until and if you are ready to do so. Just be true to yourself.

I got pregnant so we got married. I knew it was the wrong thing to do but I was thinking of the baby. Now I feel stuck. We tried counseling but we just don’t get along. I’m worried about my baby so I haven’t done anything yet. What do you think are my options?

February 12, 2016

In many ways you have already narrowed your options. The best I can tell you at this point is to return to counseling with goals set about how you are going to make it work so that both your needs are met and you can both compromise and that there are no blow ups in the house that would only hurt your child. You both need to step up since you decided to have the baby, so that needs to be considered in any decisions going forward.

Our son and his wife had to move in with us. Here’s the problem. She tries to run MY kitchen. I have avoided conflict by letting her control things but it’s getting old. My husband says just to let it go until they move out but it upsets me because it’s MY kitchen. Suggestions please.

February 12, 2016

A lot depends on how long they are going to be living in your house. If it's relatively short term, then you might want to think about just letting it go. However, it continues indefinitely, it is YOUR house and YOUR kitchen, and you might have to firmly set that boundary. You don't have to be mean or angry. You just have to make the boundary abundantly clear.

My grandfather got this 18 yo girl pregnant. That baby is now my aunt. I’m so embarrassed and afraid to say anything to anybody. I don’t know how to tell people my grandfather is a creepy old man.

February 12, 2016

You are taking on issues that belong to your grandfather. You are not he. If anyone questions you, you can honestly say that he or she would have to ask your grandfather. You don't have to go around telling tales, nor should you. Just respond honestly when/if people ask you anything about him.

My aunt and uncle have a lot of money. My gf is always invited to all events. I keep thinking she’s just in it for the money but she never asks for anything and is always polite. Is there anyway to know what’s going on?

February 12, 2016

I think you have to look at the consistency of her behavior. From what you are saying, she has been very respectful of what they offer her, and, as you said, she never asks for anything. Obviously, there are no guarantees, but after a period of time and consistency, you have to believe her behavior is for real. I certainly understand your concerns, but don't sabotage your relationship by continuing to doubt.

My little sis is a year younger than me. A lot of my friends think she’s hot.. I’m having a lot of trouble with that. It creeps me out. I even get mad. What do other guys in my position do?

February 12, 2016

It's because you only see her as your little sis. Clearly, she is not. Plus, your big bro protective nature sounds like it's kicking in. I would say a majority of guys in your situation will have at least a percentage of your feelings. You have to face the fact that your sister is growing up.

Most of my good friends have boyfriends. I’m a senior and have never had a boyfriend but I have dated. They all think something is wrong with me. I’m not upset with not having one. Why do they think I NEED to have a boyfriend and what should I say?

February 12, 2016

You should probably ask them. My advice to you is to be true to yourself. There is NOTHING wrong with you. You just are not interested in a serious relationship. There is nothing wrong with that. Some people need to be in a relationship to feel secure. Obviously, you are not one of those people. Keep the faith.

Neither my parents nor my gf’s have money for our wedding which is ok because we do. We are making our own wedding but both sets of parents think they should have some say so. How should we handle this? It’s upsetting to both of us.

February 12, 2016

Your parents want to be involved because the two of you are their children. Even though you are paying for it, to the best of your ability involve them. In fact, if there are several things you can turn over to them completely, let them feel it. You will benefit for your efforts.

How do people of different religions make marriage work? I’m Jewish and my bf is Catholic. We are really worried that we are doomed to fail if we get married. Neither of us wants to give up our religion even if we get married.

February 05, 2016

you are NOT doomed, but it does make things a bit more complex. Many religiously mixed marriages work, even with kids. However, from my experience, when it doesn't work, it's often because of the conflict of how to raise the children. It's important to discuss this thoroughly BEFORE children

Do you think it’s ever a good idea to tell your partner about an affair? Some of my friends tell me that would be stupid but others say if I don’t tell I am being dishonest. I know I screwed up but I don’t know what to do.

February 05, 2016

Very tough decision. I always ask if there's ever a possibility that the information will get back to you partner through someone else. If the answer is yes, then it's best coming from you.

Would there ever be a way that Love Shopping List could actually match me with somebody? I have a lot of trouble finding people to date.

February 05, 2016

What a great question. Let's just say, your idea has legs :-)

I told him that he should think about that since I would not want him to cut off his relationship with his mother because of me. What is a good way to handle this?

February 05, 2016

just be supportive of him and let him make his own decision. It's his relationship with his mother, and he will have to figure it out.

My partner and I are gay. Both of us are comfortable with who we are. My parents are ok with it but his mother is something else. She keeps inviting him over but won’t allow him to bring me. He won’t go.

February 05, 2016

see next answer

I heard you can only get pregnant a few days in the month. Is that true?

February 05, 2016

from a technical point, a female egg is viable for 3 days. male sperm lives 24-36 hours. So technically it's 3 days. HOWEVER, good luck picking the exact 3 days. It doesn't always occur in the middle of the month.

My bf is black and uses the N word a lot. I told him this really bothers me but he says its just what him and his homies do. I asked him how he would feel if I used it (which I wouldn’t) but he says it’s not the same since I’m white. Is there a way to stop him from using it? I don’t think anybody

February 05, 2016

Even though many people think it shouldn't be used, it is. It should not be used if you are white. It just doesn't work. All you can do is express your feelings, and leave it at that.

I am 17 but look like I’m about 13. This really bugs me since no guys will ask me out. I don’t want to seem desperate. Do you think it’s ok just for me to ask them out?

February 05, 2016

This is 2016. It is perfectly acceptable to ask a guy out. You may not like the idea that you look much younger than your age now, but you will LOVE it in 50 years!!

I’m very worried about my wife. We have been happily married for 3 years. All of a sudden she has become really weepy. I asked her if I had done anything wrong, but she just looks at me blankly. I don’t know what to do.. Should I insist on counseling?

February 05, 2016

Never insist on counseling. Just express that you are very worried about her and want to do all you can to support her. Tell her that you love her and it hurts you to see her in so much pain. Let her know that you're part of her team.

I’m dating this lady and everything is mostly good. The only thing is she NEVER pays for anything when we go out. She doesn’t even offer. I like everything about her except this. I haven’t said anything to her directly because I don’t want to ruin our relationship. How do I handle this?

January 29, 2016

Even though this is 2016 many people still hold onto old ideas about dating, and one of those is that the man pays. There have been many articles written about this. Firstly, it is respectful for the woman to at least offer.. The fact that she doesn’t do that leads me to believe she thinks you should always pay. You could try something like this- “I’m a little short this week. Could we maybe do something that doesn’t cost a lot?” If she doesn’t offer to help, you are dealing with entitlement — NOT GOOD. As nice as she is, she has laid her her version of the rules. This is NOT my idea of a team player.

Liked by: wade Elgin

I live in the U.S. I met this girl abroad while traveling in Europe. We hit it off real well. We even talked marriage. I am worried she may be using me just to get into America. She seems genuine, but I don’t know what to do to make sure. How would I know.

January 29, 2016

It’s far too premature to discuss marriage. You first need to solidify your relationship. She can go to the U.S. With you on a visa. You need to take it one step at a time. While I hope it’s not you, many men have been duped into bringing a female in only to find out later that they got used. The best advice for you is just to take it slowly. As long as you are true to yourself, you will know. I would also suggest you have a therapist to discuss what you observe and to help you look at things objectively.

My brother is single and is 39. He is critical of everyone he has ever dated and he is critical of my husband. I don’t want to cut him off because we have no other siblings and our parents are both gone. I’ve tried talking with him but he never takes any responsibility for why he can’t get along.

January 29, 2016

Your brother is still single for exactly the reasons you state - he can’t get along with others and never takes responsibility for his own actions. Even though you have already tried, ask him to sit down with you and express that you love him very much, and it hurts you to see him so unhappy. Don’t accuse him of anything because he will only put up defensive walls. Try to emphasize that you want to see him happy.

I met this really wonderful guy in rehab. We hit it off well. I am worried that if I stay with him it will just be because of our shared experiences with drugs. How can I sort out my feelings on this? I am scared.

January 29, 2016

You have every right to be worried. Unfortunately, many romantic relationships established in rehabs have only that fact in common, although there are certainly exceptions. My suggestion is to sort out what you really want in a relationship. As you may or may not know, our app Love Shopping List (it’s free) was designed to to exactly that, help you sort out what you want. It is especially critical in your situation.

Your app calculated a low score for the person I am dating. Does that mean that they are a loser?

January 29, 2016

Not necessarily. It means that that person does not meet your needs. The individual you are dating may be a perfect match for someone else!

I feeling like telling everyone off but I don’t want to cause a scene. Should I just not go?

January 29, 2016

Assuming this to be part 2 of the last Q: You are NOT being a dud. Kudos to you for not engaging in the activity. You need to discuss this with your bf and tell him how uncomfortable this makes you feel. My belief is that he needs to tell his relatives to back off in a respectful way, but if they won’t or don’t, stop going to the events.

Dr. Andrew

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