I feel like this guy is only intrested in me when I dye my hair a certain color and when I dye it back he like stops talking to me/paying as much attention to me we are not dating we just talk and he flirts with me should I keep the dyed color that Him and I both like or keep the "natural" look

May 16, 2014

That's entirely up to you. Obviously, he like the way you look one way much more than the other. If you are okay with that color, hey, why not. But if you are just trying to keep him, then don't do it. Yes, we all do things to attract others, but we should only do those things that make us feel good about ourselves.

I’ve had a relationship with this guy online for about 6 months. He lives out of state but is coming into town on business. I’m really nervous. Is there a way to really check him out in advance? Thanks.

May 16, 2014

There are quite a number of legitimate sites that can check things out for you. I would ABSOLUTELY check him out before agreeing to meet him in person. Many of the horror stories you have read about are true. In Latin it's caveat emptor, in English it's buyer beware!

As a guy I’m confused about “capable of consent” when it comes to sex. The girls in our circle tend to get blitzed but still know what they are doing. How am I supposed to tell if they are capable?

May 16, 2014

Here's a clue. If they get blitzed, they are off limits, and it's your job as a friend to make sure everyone else knows they are off limits. If you have even a question about the situation, that should be enough to tell you not to do anything. Be a real man and a gentleman. Real men don't have to get women drunk or stoned to have a good time.

My 16 yo son fell in love with this girl at camp. Now he is obsessed. I’m worried its interfering in his social life since she lives very far away. They won’t see each except on holidays. I would hate to see him hurt. Any suggestions?

May 16, 2014

Yes, leave him alone. Camp romances have a tendency to go on after camp. He will find his own balance, but if you interfere without him asking, he will resent you. If they break up, he will then blame you. Just listen and be supportive. That's the best thing you can do for him.

Why do we fight so much? It’s really getting annoying.

May 16, 2014

Without a whole lot of details, my guess would be that you are not meeting each others needs. Have you ever thought about what you really want in a relationship and whether or not you partner meets your needs and wants? When we designed Love Shopping List as an app, we had in mind to help people decide what they wanted so that they didn't fight as much and weren't annoyed. Try it. The results may explain everything.

My friends think its funny to see my gf drunk because she gets silly. It concerns me. I’ve tried to talk to her but she just blows me off. How do you tell someone they are an alcoholic?

May 16, 2014

The best advice I can give you is to go to an Alanon meeting. You will meet lots of people who have an alcoholic in their midst. You can only control you. Your friends are just rewarding her for her behavior without realizing the damage they are doing to her. Your gf needs some serious professional help.

My bf is a racist. I’ve tried to talk some sense into him but he keeps saying shit about minorities. Is there anything you think I can do that would make a difference?

May 16, 2014

The simplest and most straight-forward response to your question would be to tell him that if you hear anything racist from him again, the relationship is over. However, that would not necessarily change his mind. You can tell him that you would like the two of you to see someone professionally, but that might not help. At some point you are going to have to decide whether or not you are going to stand up for what you believe in -- if it's important to you. Not that you are getting married anytime soon, but think about if you would want him setting an example for your children.

I’m a high school football player. I’m also gay but I’ve never come out. My boyfriend saw Michael Sam in the news and said if he can come out at the pro football level so can I. I’m really scared but I really respect my bf. How should I handle this?

May 16, 2014

Michael Sam did what he felt he needed to do. You should do the same. If you feel strongly enough, you can let others know, but you should not do so just because your boyfriend is telling you so. If he's truly your boyfriend and cares about you, he will support whatever decision you make, just as anyone in a close relationship would do. You can simply tell him that you do not yet feel comfortable in coming out, but when you do, he'll be the first to know.

My gf wants to go into the police department. I’ve heard plenty of stories about girl officers and partners. I’m freaked. Am I being paranoid?

May 16, 2014

You have been watching way too many police dramas. Female officers (as opposed to your put down calling them "girl officers") are probably even more professional than their male counterparts because, while it's wrong, they have to prove themselves everyday. Law enforcement is no different than any other work environment when it comes to people practicing the horizontal mambo. So to answer your question, yes, you are being paranoid.

My friends say I “owe” this guy something for taking me to the prom. I can’t talk to my parents because we aren’t close. Is there some guideline somewhere?

May 16, 2014

GUYS, listen to me!! (If you are a female, show this to your male friends.) A woman does not owe you a damned thing for taking her out no matter how much you spent. A prom is NOT a sex for money event. If your date chooses intimate relations, that is one thing, but you should NEVER expect it.

LADIES, you don't owe your date anything except a thank you and conducting yourself like a lady. Anything else is completely and totally up to you. Do not feel pressured to do anything with which you are uncomfortable.

When I get nervous I sweat a lot. Its embarrassing to go out. I’m wondering if other guys experience this when they go on dates.

May 16, 2014

When it's really excessive it's called hyperhidrosis. You can be born with it, but it can also be caused by a medical problem. It is not limited to males. It would be important to talk with you doctor to rule out any medical issues. All that being said, yes, it's fairly normal to sweat when you are nervous, and going out on a date can make anyone nervous. Even A-list movie stars get nervous and sweat. Sometimes they get shots in their underarm sweat glands so that they don't sweat through clothes on camera.

My bf has never hit me but he has major anger issues. I think it comes from watching his father who has hit his mother and has a DV case against him. Is it genetic?

May 16, 2014

It's not genetic, but it does come from a "trans-generational process." Monkey see, monkey do. He learned how to handle his anger from his father. I would definitely seek some professional help so that it doesn't turn into something you will both regret. For sure he needs anger management skills. Domestic violence witnessed by children has a profound and detrimental effect that often doesn't go away. He will say he's sorry about blowing up, but without intervention he will do it again. Don't wind up being a victim.

My wife always asks me to pick her “supplies” at the market. I’ve told her I feel funny about it but she keeps asking. Do other guys go through the same thing?

May 16, 2014

Some guys do, some guys don't. Feminine supplies are just part of what goes on in life. Just wait until you have your wife and two daughters. I think you should examine what makes you uncomfortable. I assume you're not uncomfortable with the "good" part of the month. Why does this present a problem for you? It's just an item or two at the store. If you ask your wife to pick up some deodorant, would you be okay if she said she felt uncomfortable?

I've recently decided to seek therapy, but I recently lost my insurance. is there any places that offer therapy 4 a reasonable price?

May 09, 2014

You can check with your local psychological association or marriage & family association and ask for a therapist who works on a sliding scale.

@whoopDwhoop: @AppPowerGroup Once a couple starts dating how long should they wait to have sex?

May 09, 2014

At least 3 minutes! Seriously, it depends on what both agree to. For some, sooner is okay, while for others they may wait weeks, months, or until they are married. It's all about what two people agree to without anyone feeling pressured.

Me and my boyfriend are both 19. He says we should split costs when we go out. I think he should pay because he’s the guy. What’s the right thing?

May 09, 2014

It certainly depends on both of your financial situations, but let's look at it this way. I assume that, as a female, you support equal pay for equal work. Well, you can't have it both ways. Either you are equal or you aren't. You can't have it both ways. You can't pull the female card only when it's convenient for you. The right thing is that you BOTH feel comfortable.

I love my bf but he dresses like a slob. How do I get him to dress better?

May 09, 2014

Positive reinforcement is the best shaper of behavior. Reward him with a great compliment when he wears something that is at least tolerable. Keep in mind the term "successive approximations." Reward him even if he just moves a little in the right direction. Don't criticize him when he wears something you don't think is good. Just don't respond at all. Consciously or subconsciously he will begin to do what you want.

My bf is black. My parents are way cool but my grandparents are not. My grandpa thinks it’s okay to make racist remarks. My parents say if I say anything it’s disrespectful. Are they right?

May 09, 2014

You can and should say something about it, but certainly in a respectful way. Neither you nor your boyfriend need to tolerate something that really bothers you and that is clearly wrong. Shame on your parents for not standing up for you!

My bf has trouble staying at attention in the bedroom. He says he’s just tired. I’m trying to get him to go to the doctor. What could be the problem?

May 09, 2014

There are lots of reasons that men cannot sustain an erection. Age aside, performance anxiety can also be a factor. If he is really tired and/or really stressed, that could actually be the reason. Your idea of going to a doctor is a really good one. He should make sure that there is not something medically wrong because that will only get worse if he doesn't take care of it.

What is an “open marriage?”

May 09, 2014

Basically, an open marriage is one in which both people are allowed to date and have sex with other people. It was all the rage for some in the 70's. Often times people don't consider the psychological effects on themselves when they do this.

I’m a gay white male in high school and I’m dating a gay black male. We get a lot of shit from everybody (I’m in the midwest). How do I educate them?

May 09, 2014

Just smile and be proud of who you both are. You are obviously confident enough in yourselves to let your relationship be known. Good for the two of you. Just keep being good people and good friends. Don'g get sucked into being defensive. The best lesson is when everyone sees the kind of people you are and not the color of your skin or your sexual preference. You might also contact a local LGBT organization. There will be many people who have been there and can offer you insight into how to handle things.

My granddaughter is trying to bypass our daughter and get me to take her to a gyn. I want to do the right thing. Do I tell her she has to talk to her mother?

May 09, 2014

There's much more to this than a simple doctor's appointment. Clearly, your granddaughter's relationship with you is closer than that with her mother. This is time for grandma to impart great words of wisdom. She trusts you enough to ask you to take her, so she will listen to you. You need to find out why she can't talk to her mother and then see if that line of communication can be opened. Don't turn her away because then she will seek answers somewhere else, and you may not like that source.

My good friend is questioning herself about going out with this guy because he’s AA. She’s white. What should I say to her since she has these mixed feelings?

May 09, 2014

Your good friend is at a crossroad in her life. She has two paths to take. She can take the one that she has obviously been taught, racism and bigotry, or she can do what is right in her heart. You should simply tell her to do what is in her heart and ignore what anyone else might say. Tell her that you understand how this could be a difficult decision. Just be supportive of whatever decision she makes. If she's already going out with him, she's leaning in the "heart" directions. She just needs to know that it's okay to make the decision.

My gf started cutting herself. Why do people do this and what can I do to help her? It really hurts me to see her hurt herself.

May 09, 2014

There are three reasons why people cut: to get attention; to be part of a crowd; or because they are in pain, which is the majority of the time. When a cutter cuts, it releases endorphins, naturally occurring brain opiates, in the brain. In essence, they are self-medicating. Pain is a great motivator. It may not make sense to a non-cutter, but the cutting actually eases the psychological and emotional pain. All that being said, your gf needs help that you cannot give her. She needs professional help. The ONLY thing you can do is to tell an adult in her life that you trust so she will not be blamed and shamed. I would suggest you do it before things get worse.

I’m worried that if get may 14 yo daughter on birth control or talk about condoms, she’ll get the idea that sexual relations at her age are okay. What are other parent’s doing?

May 09, 2014

It's a whole lot better than having a talk with her about what to do if she is pregnant or has an std. Having your daughter protect herself and having her make good decisions when it comes to sex are slightly separate issues. You can certainly emphasize to her that she might want to think about waiting, but you should also stress the importance of being prepared. Having a condom does not, contrary to what a lot of people think, make sex an automatic. If two teenagers are thinking about sex, they will have sex with or without a condom. Which would you prefer? Lastly, good, honest communication is the best thing you can do. Be a good listener.

Dr. Andrew

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