My mother-in-law is dating this loser. I've tried to point this out to my wife but she just says it's none of our business. I love my m-i-l and don't want to see her hurt. Do I just wait to pick up the pieces?

April 13, 2018

It seems there are forces at work from before you were with your wife that you may not know about. Regrettably, you just may have to take a "wait and see" approach. It certainly would seem your wife would want to protect her mother, but maybe she knows her mother will not listen. The only exception would be if you had concrete evidence.

Hey guys. I’m getting really fat and idk how to start at the gym. I go to work 10hrs a day and after that, I really want to push myself but everytime I do, it would just sink in that I’m so tired and I wanted to rest instead. Any suggestions or insights? Much appreciated.

April 06, 2018

Most people don't realize that, while exercise is very important for your body and your brain, the real key to weight loss is nutrition. I would suggest consulting a registered dietician. That way you can get on the right track with a professional.

My m-i-law keeps telling my husband what to do. He just shines her on but this really bugs me because she tries to do it to me too. He just ignores it but I start getting mad at him for not stopping her. What should I do?

April 06, 2018

Don't get in the middle between them, but absolutely have a serious talk with her. There's nothing wrong with standing up for yourself in a respectful fashion. It's important for your self esteem.

Me and this girls been seeing each other for about 6 months. She's starting to put pressure on to take the relationship further. I've tried to say I need more time. I really like her and don't want to lose her. IDK. Advice?

April 06, 2018

Do NOT go further in the relationship unless you are ready. You can tell her that the pressure is really making you uncomfortable. If she continues, you probably are looking at the same kind of pressure you currently have, but intensified.

This other couple's kids are out of control. We are pretty strict with ours. We like the couple but don't like being around their kids or have our kids around them. Is there a way to still see them socially without the whole kids thing?

April 06, 2018

Yes, there is. Just go out to fancy restaurants with them in the evening. That way they are not likely to spend money at a fancy restaurant with kids.

My gf is really smart but she doesn't think she is. I try to encourage her but she always has a reason why she's not good enough. What can I do to make her see herself as others see her? She's so amazing.

April 06, 2018

You are dealing with the effects of a critical person in her younger life. All you can do is to keep encouraging her. It is hard to overcome growing up with criticism.

Our cousin and her bf always make plans then change them This bugs both of us. I don't want to cut off the relationship but we're thinking about confronting them about always changing or bailing at the last minute. Should we do this? We don't want to lose them.

April 06, 2018

It really depends on which is more important to you, being with them or confronting them. If they change all the time, at least you know what you are dealing with. If you want to continue to see them, I'd just go with the flow.

My dad wants me to be his best man. He's remarrying. I feel like this would be disrespectful to my mom. My dad says whatever I want to do is fine but now I'm worried I'm ruining it for him. I'm caught. What to do?

April 06, 2018

You are not being disrespectful to your mom. Obviously, you and your dad are close enough that he considers you his best man anyway. It's up to you, which is what your dad says. You can have a good relationship either way.

My bf sleeps in the nude. I sleep with pajamas. He has no problem with me but I feel weird about him with no clothes. Am I making too much of this. He says he sleeps better with no clothes. Is that possible?

April 06, 2018

Of course, it's possible. I sleep with no clothes (TMI?) Many people sleep in various stages of undress. As long as he doesn't run around your place with no clothes, let it be.

I am a female in my 30's and married to another woman about the same age. We're thinking about a family. Both of us want to be birth mothers. Do we just each get pregnant or what?

April 06, 2018

It really depends on what the two of you want to do. For some couples one child is enough, and for others more. You'll have to decide if you want your children to have the same bio father or not.

My bf keeps asking me about how many guys I've slept with. I have not given him an answer. My question is – should I? It wasn't that many, but I don't think I owe him and answer.

March 30, 2018

First and foremost, NO, you do not owe him an answer unless you want to give him one. He needs to answer the question of why it makes a difference and what he would do with the information.

My second cousin asked me out. I'm not sure what to do. He says everyone is related to everyone else way back when anyway so what's the difference. Do I just go along with it?

March 30, 2018

It makes a difference because a second cousin is genetically close to you. That's when genetic disorders increase in frequency. My suggestion is not to "just go along with it."

All my friends say that the girl I've been dating looks just like my ex. I'm not sure why but this really upsets me. Is it possible that I'm looking for someone just like my ex? I guess this might not be a good thing then.

March 30, 2018

You are trying to compare two different qualities. If you liked the look of your ex, there's nothing wrong with dating someone with similar physical features. I'd be more worried if you told me they had the same personality qualities. Looks are like art. Looks are in the eye of the beholder.

Is it possible to just enjoy going out with someone without really being in love with them? I'm worried about leading him on. I just really like his company but am not interested in a serious relationship.

March 30, 2018

Many times the best, longest relationships start out as just being really good friends. Let things unfold organically. Don't start setting artificial limitations now. Limitations will only get in your way of enjoying what you already have.

I'm dating a guy whose father has three wives which is ok in their culture. I'm worried about this guy thinking that it will be ok for him to do that too if we stay together. I'm not in the least bit interested in sharing. How should I handle this?

March 30, 2018

You need to make your position VERY clear in advance of taking the relationship any further. This is the time to set the boundaries of what is acceptable to you and what is not.

I was raised in a strict religious home. I'm in college now. I'm ready to explore my sexuality but I'm in conflict as to what to do. I'm worried about feeling overwhelmed with guilt if I sleep with someone now. What do I do? I don't want to disrespect my religion.

March 30, 2018

I would suggest seeking out a therapist with good familiarity with your religion. That way she/he can help you through your conflict. You need professional help working through the decision.

Me and my gf have put on some pounds. We both agreed to lose weight together. Here's the problem. I'm a lot bigger so I lost more weight. I tried to explain that she is actually ahead of me by body weight percentage but she just keeps being pissed. What should I do? Seems like she's always mad.

March 30, 2018

All you can do is keep repeating what you said because it is correct. Keep being a good cheerleader, and it will pay off.

I'm really shy. This guy asked me out and all I did was smile because I didn't know what to say. Now he thinks I don't want to go out when I really do. What do I say to him now? I think I screwed things up.

March 30, 2018

Go back to him, smile, and ask, "When did you want to go out?"
Don't worry about whether or not you screwed things up. This should straighten things out.

I'm confused about this girl in my history class. She makes eye contact with me all the time and smiles. She always wants to be in the group that I'm in in class, AND she sits next to me. But I asked her out and she declined – with a smile. WTF?

March 23, 2018

Classic male thinking. Just because a female is friendly does NOT mean she wants to go out with you. Just be a good friend. There can be many reasons why she doesn't want to go out with you. Don't push the issue.

There are these two guys I'd like to date. The problem is that they both want committed relationships. What do I do? I like them both. Do I just not tell them what I'm doing?

March 23, 2018

DON'T do that because it will eventually come out, and you will have both of them pissed at you. They have been clear that they want a committed relationship. Respect that. If a committed relationship is not your idea of what you want, don't date either of them.

In my family's culture I have to have a chaperone when I go out with a guy. I've honored that but now I want my independence. Don I just tell them what I'm going to do or not even tell them and just do it? It's not that I'm a rebel. I just want to know I can do that if I want to.

March 23, 2018

You will have to do a lot of soul searching. Clearly, there are cross cultural issues at play. I know you want your independence, but at what cost. I would suggest you seeking out a therapist familiar with your culture.

When is too soon or too late to tell another guy I want to see that I'm HIV positive? I have a tendency toward TMI. What do others do?

March 23, 2018

if it's just a casual date, that's one thing. If you think things might get serious, then it's time to have that talk. It's the respectful, considerate thing to do.

My parents are getting a divorce. I'm 19 and my baby bro is 17 so it's not like we are little kids. We've known for a long time that there was a problem. My concern is that this might influence me to be a higher risk for divorce. Is there anything I can do so I'm not another statistic?

March 23, 2018

As mentioned in a previous answer, there is a greater incidence of divorce among children of divorced parents. Getting professional help for both of you will certainly help so you don't repeat the mistakes your parents made.

My mother caught my father cheating. She has every right to be pissed. The problem is I'm very close to my dad so I don't know how to handle this. My gf is freaked now because she thinks I'll do the same thing. Help!

March 23, 2018

The best thing is to take yourself out of the middle. Unfortunately, there is a greater incidence of divorce among children of parents who were divorced, but it's not an automatic. Getting some professional help will go a long way to help you not make the same mistakes your parents made.

After how many dates should a female begin to offer to pay at least something when we go out? If she offered I would probably say thank you but I got it. I just think she should offer. What are the dating "rules" about this?

March 23, 2018

There aren't really "rules," but the general tradition is the guy pays the first time. Nowadays it's reasonable to offer to pay. It's common courtesy.

Dr. Andrew

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