My gf has pics of other guys on her phone. She says they are all just friends. Really? Why would she do this? I am beyond mad. I’m thinking I should break it off but I don’t want to make a bad decision.

July 29, 2016

First question is if she is telling you they are all friends, why are you upset ... unless you are sure they are more than friends? What you should do is examine you jealousy and fears. She probably has lots of friends, male and female, on her phone. You may ruin a good relationship by being so upset.

My bf is a cop. I’m really worried about marrying because I am worried I will lose him. I’m not sure how to get through this.

July 22, 2016

It's a very hard decision. The best thing I can tell you is to talk to spouses of other officers. Knowing that your spouse may not come home is tough. These people have been through and are going through what you fear. Talking to them will help you tremendously. All our first responders need and deserve our support, but the relationship with one is not for everyone.

I am in a relationship with this girl but I want to end it after the summer. I certainly don’t want to hurt her, but I don’t want to continue the relationship after I leave for my second year in college. Now what?

July 22, 2016

Hopefully, you set some ground rules at the beginning of the summer. It's still hard because it involves emotions. As long as you are gentle and explain that it's better for both of you to be free since you will be apart geographically, you have nothing to apologize for. I know it will be hard (I had to do it). Just know it's for the best.

How do I get my parents to accept my gf? She is a minority. We are really in love but they seem to think we can’t make it. I would like to have their blessing but I don’t need their approval.

July 22, 2016

All you can do is to give her an opportunity to interact with them in a way that reflects well on her. If they have any sense, they will realize that if they don't give her a chance, they will be losing you, as well. You are strong in that you are asking for blessings not approval. Stay with it.

I am not a prude, but I would like to be treated like a lady. Maybe it’s old fashioned, but I like manners. When I go out, I like to be treated well. I don’t think that’s wrong. How do I “train” them?

July 22, 2016

There's nothing wrong with holding on to that concept. It may be old fashioned, but there's nothing wrong with wanting to be treated well. It's a traditionalist approach, and the majority of women still appreciate a gentleman. When he gets out of the car, don't move until he comes around to open the door. If he asks if you're coming, just say with a smile, "As soon as you open my door."

My gf’s family is mad at her because she is converting to my religion (I’m Jewish). They are saying they won’t come to the wedding. My gf is ready to tell them not to come. I’m trying to mediate. Any suggestions?

July 22, 2016

Sorry to tell you that there is nothing you can or should do. It's her relationship with her family. Unless she asks you to speak with her, the best you can and should do is to be as supportive of her as you can. Obviously, you have made your decision, and I'm guessing you feel good about it. Be true to yourself.

My bf’s mother has alzheimer’s. When I’m there she says mean hurtful things. Logically I know she really doesn’t know what she is saying but it still hurts. I try not to let it get to me but it does. What should I do?

July 22, 2016

Imagine what it is like for family members who have known her all their lives. Regrettably, what you are experiencing is often the case with the disease. The best advice is to go to an Alzheimer's support group. Everyone there will be experiencing what you are. They will be able to offer you advice from people who have and are living it. It's hard, but realize she is not the woman everyone knew. She does not know what she is saying or doing most of the time.

How do I nicely tell my boyfriend he is getting fat. He has really bad eating habits and its catching up with him. How we both look is important but its more important we are healthy. I’ve tried setting an example but he just eats what he wants. I’m ready to breakup because of it. ??

July 22, 2016

Unfortunately, you may be fighting an uphill battle. You may have to get to the point of telling him how really important a healthy lifestyle that includes eating is. Regrettably, he is setting him self up for all kinds of health problems down the line. Some have really good metabolism and can mostly get away with bad eating, but it sounds like your bf is not one of them. Just keep setting an example, but you may have to make a hard choice.

Do you think dating is harder for males or females?

July 15, 2016

It's hard for both but in different ways. The ways are becoming more similar since the rules of dating are becoming more unisex, such as females asking males out. It's always going to be a bit hard because you are putting yourself out there, and it hurts to be rejected in any way.

I like to post pics of me and my bf when we are out. My bf says that’s dangerous. I don’t understand how that could be dangerous. I just think he is shy.

July 15, 2016

It's rare, but it could be dangerous if the pics are time and date stamped. There are weirdos out there. You might compromise by making sure the time, date, and place are turned off.

I have a family member who is being used by his ex. She's nice, but he keeps on hanging out w/ her and doing chores as if they're together. I feel like a decent person would tell him to back off and to move on, but she doesn't do anything to stop him. It's like a relationship with out the sex

July 15, 2016

If it's working for them, leave it alone. No your pig, not your farm. I can understand why it would upset you, but saying something may backfire on you. I also can understand why you would want to be protective of a family member. You might try talking with him to find out if he sees what all of you do. But beware, it's risky.

If people are in love, why do they need a prenup to get married? That doesn’t make any sense to me.

July 15, 2016

Unfortunately, the marriage vows that include "till death do us part" often do not mean anything. If their are family assets and no prenup is signed, those assets are split. Many parents are fine to offer support to their married children as long as the married child is still married. If there is a divorce, it should be easy to understand why parents and the individual would not think the other person is entitled to anything. It isn't right for everyone, but it does make sense for some.

My parents have arranged a marriage for me. I used to think that was ok, but not now. I don’t want to disrespect them but IDK what to do.

July 15, 2016

Many cultures have arranged marriages. I would sit down with your parent and respectfully explain you position. If they are still insistent, it unfortunately puts you in the position of choosing between your beliefs and theirs. Hopefully, they will understand. Regrettably, some parents have disowned children for this. I hope this is not your case.

I am scared of losing my gf. She is addicted to pain killers. What is the best way to help her? She has blown up at her friends who have tried to help. I’m trying to be supportive but I don’t know what to do.

July 15, 2016

Your girlfriend is in a bad place. I think you should contact an interventionist. That person specializes in the exact situation you are in. He/She will be able to guide you through and will have the necessary resource recommendations to help you help your gf. Unfortunately, this is not going to be easy. Good for you for caring so much. Be strong.

We have been married a long time. Lately we started to fight more mostly about stupid stuff. Is this what happens to couples when they’ve been together a long time? It seems like we are stuck. We are both educated but obviously not enough to figure this out.

July 15, 2016

Sometimes when couples have been together a long time, even little things get on each others' nerves. However, this could be a warning sign of something bigger. I would suggest going to a couples' therapist for some short-term therapy to get to the root of the problem.

My bf still has wet dreams, he doesn't know that I know. I actually got him really drunk and asked him a bunch of embarrassing questions before he blacked out. I want to help him w/ some of the things he told me, but how do I do it without revealing what I did?

July 15, 2016

First of all, wet dreams, officially nocturnal emissions, are perfectly normal. I'm not sure why you would need to get him drunk and do that. How would you feel if he got you drunk and did that? Also, you had him drinking to the point of black out. That is stupidly dangerous. If you are going to tell him, I certainly would say it was your intention. Just say that when he was drunk, he said some things that concerned you, and you wanted to help. Please use better judgement in the future.

My friends say I'm too picky, because I won't go out with this girl who likes me. She's nice, but I like people who are as smart or smarter than me and she definitely is not. Am I being shallow? Should I go out with her?

July 15, 2016

Each of us should have an idea in mind of what we want in a relationship. That's actually what our app, Love Shopping List, is all about. Good for you that you realize intelligence is a key characteristic you would like in a relationship. If more people really knew what they wanted, there would not be as many relationship problems.

Embarrassing question, but I'm really horny lately. I normally wouldn't bother asking about this, but I feel way more aroused than usual and I'm not sure why. Is this a cause for concern?

July 15, 2016

It may be that you are suffering from that dreaded Hawaiian disease - lackonooky. Sorry, couldn't resist. You don't say how old you are, but highs and lows in libido (sex drive) are perfectly normal. It could also be a social experience that triggered off the feelings. In any event, I wouldn't worry about it unless it persists. On very rare occasions it has been traced to a brain problem. If it gets to that point, see a medical doctor.

My bf’s stepfather is a gun carrying NRA member. I am very much opposed. My bf says its no big deal to him but he doesn’t plan to carry. It really upsets me to the point I’m thinking about breaking up. What is with these people?

July 15, 2016

Try not to be so rigid. It may be against what you believe, but keep an open mind. Since your bf does not plan to carry, take him at his word. As long as his father is carrying legally, there's really nothing wrong with him as long as all other of his traits are okay, too.

Five of us grew up together. I’m Hispanic, there are two whites, one AA and one mixed. Lately the mixed one has become militant and has been lecturing us. We are trying to be sensitive but she just doesn’t shut up. She had a white bf and dumped him. He came to us very hurt.

July 15, 2016

Your militant friend does not realize that she just lost the exact thing she is being militant about. Instead of pushing the group away, she should be touting the group as the real way to behave. Somebody got inside her head and messed it up.

What is a common law spouse? My mom and dad call themselves married but I know they never actually got married. They won’t discuss it with me.

July 15, 2016

A common law marriage is one in which a couple was never officially married but consider themselves married. There are only some states in the US in which this is valid. Many people think that it's 7 or 10 years that determines it, but that's not true. There is no specific time. The couple has to agree to act as married and has to present themselves as married. It came about in old England when clerics were not available to perform marriage. Not sure why your parents won't discuss it, but check their wedding date and your birthdate. Might be a reason.

Me and my bf r going to get married. My parents will pay, so they are making some of the decisions which is ok with us. His parents are freaking out and say they should be involved too. How do we handle this?

July 08, 2016

First, it's very nice of the two of you to be so considerate of your parents. His parents may feel very left out, and that may be why they are having difficulty. If you really want to solidify your standing with them, try including them in as much as possible. It will definitely pay off in the long run.

My gf gets all touchy feely in public. I don’t like pda’s and I told her this. She keeps doing it. Why would she?

July 08, 2016

Most of the time it's guys using girls as trophies. This may be the reverse. She may want everyone to see the two of you together as kind of a "hands off" message to other females. All you can do is tell her again, and if she continues, you are going to have to make a choice on whether or not to stay with her.

How do I politely tell my gf that she don’t look real great in her bikini without starting a war?

July 08, 2016

Good luck with that. Let me know if you survive. Why don't you just accept her for who she is and how she looks? If you decide to mention anything, I would strongly suggest you wear a protective cup around your testicles when you sleep!

Is it possible to come from two different cultures and make it work? We are really worried.

July 08, 2016

It absolutely IS!! There are many really solid relationships where people from different cultures come together. Of course, there are some cultures that will not allow dating or marrying outside the culture. There are backward cultures in which such a relationship can be punishable by death. People need to be more open minded. We all came from the same place, and we are all going to wind up in the same place.

Dr. Andrew

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