Continued...What is a firm way to handle this without going off the deep end on her? Her husband is a wimp so he stays out of it.
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My sister in law has some criticism of us every time she and her husband come over. I’ve told my husband either he says something or I will. He says I’m making too big a deal over what she says which even upsets me more. They are guests in MY house.
Your husband is not being supportive of you. I'm assuming he is aware of her criticism. It's your nest, and you have every right to expect guests, including relatives, are respectful or you and your home. If not, they should not be invited again. Since your husband won't do anything, stand up for yourself, and tell her that when she enters your home, she is not to criticize you, your family, or your house otherwise she will no longer be welcomed.
It makes me feel like I don’t want to go over there anymore.
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OMG my bf’s father is this right wing nut job. Every time I’m over my bf’s house he grills me about my political view. I’ve tried being polite but he just keeps pounding away. My bf thinks it’s funny but I don’t. How can I get him to stop without being disrespectful? It makes me feel like I don’t
I don't blame you for not wanting to go over there. Additionally, your bf is the one being disrespectful by not listening to you and blowing you off because he thinks it's funny. If you are up to it, I would tell his father, "I understand you are passionate about politics, but I would prefer you not discuss it with me. It's not my thing." Just because it's his father doesn't mean he is allowed to make you feel uncomfortable.
My parents still don’t get that 3 guys and 3 girls can go out together without it being a triple date. We are all just good friends. My father in particular says if it’s 3 on3 it’s a triple date. How can I explain this better to them?
I seriously doubt you are going to change their minds. Some parents, yes even today, still don't understand that gender mixed groups can all just go out to have a good time. I would suggest you do some online searches about social groups in the modern age. That way you can show them actual discussions about the topic. Many evangelicals hold very strict dating beliefs, and that may be part of the problem.
My bf just got sent to jail for some really stupid drug shit. I want to break up with him because of what he did but my friends all say I would be deserting him when he needs me the most and I’m not being loyal. I’m thinking why I should ruin my life because of him. Am I wrong?
Loyalty has its limits. It's one thing to make a mistake, but it's another if this is a bad choice behavioral pattern for him. It's not about being wrong or right. Your true friends will be supportive of whatever decision you make that you think is best for YOU. If you warned him, and he went ahead and did it anyway, then I would suggest you move on. Here's a great quotation - Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions. He needs to understand that.
What’s up with arranged marriages?
There are many cultures in which arranged marriages are the norm, especially in cultures in which religion plays a major role. I've talked to many people over the years who have been involved with an arranged marriages, and certainly some are solid. Most people said they would have preferred to make the decision themselves, but they did not want to disrespect their parents. Don't judge!
My life partner’s parents are coming to town. We have been together for over 4 years, but he has never told them. This is the first time they are coming to America. He has been here for 10 years. He is freaking out because he’s worried they won’t accept two males together. What do we do?
All you can do is be supportive of him. After all, it's his parents. Listen to him, possibly offer some suggestions, but he is going to have to figure out how to deal with his parents. I would strongly recommend going to an LGBT center. They will be able to give him ideas of how to handle his parents in a respectful way. They may get offended, but the two of you have made a commitment to each other, and no matter what, you have to be true to yourselves.
I can’t figure out what I’ve done wrong. My gf won’t talk to me or even text. I haven’t done anything I’m aware of. How do I find out? Do I ask her friends?
You only have control over you, not anyone else. Just give it some time, and maybe she will respond. If not, you need to put on your big boy pants and move on. Going to her friends and simply asking, "What's going on with her?" is a possibility, but you should not come across as pathetic and whiny. If/when she's ready, she will talk to you or communicate in some way.
I made a lot of money quickly. I’m always worried that girls are dating me because of that so I’m always suspicious. How do I know if they really like me?
You are always going to have to be careful when just casually dating. Once it gets serious, you will begin to see behavior patterns. If she really likes you, cares about you, and respects you she will guard you from spending too much, and she will go out of her way to help, like suggesting a less expensive restaurant, etc. Years ago before I met my wife I excused myself from a relationship because the young lady told me she wanted a three carat marquis engagement ring. Just give it some time, and you will know.
My grandmother is very judgmental. She says very mean things. She said something to my bf the other time we saw her. He didn’t get upset but I did. I want to respect her but I want her to stop saying mean things especially to him. He always treats her with respect anyway. What should I do?
The first thing that has to be established is whether or not her behavior is something relatively new or has she always been this way. If it's relatively new, she may be in the early stages of dementia or she may have gone through a trauma (like a death of someone close) and has become bitter. If this is the case, she needs help and support. Yes, it's very hard, but it may not be the real grandma. If she has always been this way, you can sit down with her and tell her how it makes you feel. She may not listen or care, but as long as you do it in a respectful manner, you're fine. You may need just to see her less frequently.
Our daughter (she’s 22) has this absolutely wonderful man as a friend. He would be perfect for her but she keeps going out with losers (her word, not ours). We can’t believe she doesn’t see what’s right under her nose, but we don’t want to interfere. The question is should we say something?
All you can do is listen. I would almost guarantee that if you try to interfere, she will push back by continuing her choices. Help her explore what she really wants and then simply ask if the men she is dating have hose qualities. Actually, our app, Love Shopping List, would be a great way for her to really evaluate her relationships. Then one of these times, "just for fun," have her run LSL on the friend. I'll bet she will be very surprised with what she sees.
How can I get my bf to eat healthier? He’s always eating junk or fast food. He’s not overweight or anything. I just think that’s super unhealthy. I’ve tried telling him that but he just shines me on.
Bad habits of any kind are hard to change. Keep emphasizing that you are not trying to control him. You just care so much about him that you want him to be healthy. Never use anger, as he will just posture up and resist even more. He may look good on the outside, but it's just a matter of time until it catches up with him on the inside. Show him that he can eat really good tasting food that is healthy at the same time. When you can, cook for both of you and cook together. That way he is participating in his own health.
Me and my husband got married young. I don’t have any trouble with what he does for a job but he does. I’m a lawyer and he’a a plumber. He says he always feels like he’s less than me. He says it’s nothing I’ve ever said or done. How do I help him?
Just keep telling him you love him and be supportive of everything he does. He is stuck in the old model with the idea that the male in the relationship has to have the "superior" job, or he's not a real man. You might also consider why he chose his profession. Many tradespeople had learning disabilities as children and were made fun of, called stupid, or bullied when they were younger. Those traumas tend to go unresolved unless the person has had the time to work them through with a professional.
There’s this girl in my English class that I would like to take out. Every time I go to talk to her there are other people hanging around. I can’t seem to get any alone time. How do I let her know I want to take her out?
You can certainly give her a nice, funny card that says what you want it to say. That way she can read it on her own time. Don't do serious, or she will think you are a stalking nut job. Try out a couple of "line" before actually inserting them in the card.
How come all the other dating sites ask hundreds of questions but Love Shopping List only uses 15? Can you really tell just from that many?
We are not sure why either. What we do know is that our number and our algorithm have been proven over and over again. Whereas it takes hours to complete the questionnaires of those sites, Love Shopping List can be done quite rapidly (but we always caution that people should go back and review so they are not making impulsive decisions about what is important). The number of questions (and the fees) is the biggest complaint about those sites. Personally, I wouldn't want to take that time either.
This guy I’ve been dating has a great business going. He’s great in every way except it doesn’t seem like I’m his top priority. I’m confused. My friends say I should get rid of him unless he makes me his number one but I don’t know what to do. I’m scared of getting hurt. Any advice?
I think you need to have an open and honest talk with him if you are serious. He may be a workaholic or he may just have never been in a really close, serious relationship. He could also be scared that you will bail on him. In any event, once things get fairly serious, you need to sit together and discuss what the future would look like. If his number one priority is still work, you will have your answer in his actions, and then you'll have to make a decision. Male or female, a commitment to work is often the only way to advance. If that's okay with you, then that's your decision. Otherwise you should set your sights on someone who has you as his number on priority with everything else second.
everytime I ask my friend how he is, he just says "my life is so shitty" "I'm so stressed" & a range of other concerning things,but when I ask what the problem is or how i can help he sweeps it under the rug. is he asking for attention or is there a genuine problem? how can I tell? what should I do?
Your friend may be both asking for attention and having a depressive episode. Often they go hand in hand. The best thing to do is just listen. Because you are trained to handle this, you don't want to give out wrong advice. Just listen. If it sounds like something serious to you, either suggest your friend get professional help, or, if it's very serious, give him a hand getting the help. He may be too emotionally disconnected at this point to even really know what's bothering him.
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Saturno_
My gf tries to compete with my sister on everything. My sister happens to be an outstanding runner. My gf is always making fun of her about it. My sis doesn’t seem upset but I am. Why does she do that? I like her just the way she is. Is she trying to prove something?
Your gf is jealous, and beyond that she is immature. Are you sure you want to continue with this? This will come out in other ways, like competing with your friends about things. At the very least the two of you need to have a serious conversation about it.
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Alessandra
My gf is perfect in every way but one. She is a lousy cook. I have always eaten what she makes, but it’s just not good. She is smart, good looking, funny, intelligent, athletic, sings like an angel, and is great socially. How can I improve the situation without hurting her feelings?
This issue has come up before. Here's an easy solution. Find out where there is a cooking class and sign up for a series of maybe 5-6. "Hey, Honey. I know how much you love cooking, so I thought it would be fun to sign us up for a gourmet cooking class." As long as she doesn't catch on, you should have better fare on your table.
What’s the rule on how distant a relative should be (related) before it’s ok to date?
There is the social view and the medical view. Socially, many people feel dating anyone related is creepy. But the truth is that if you go back far enough, we are all related. The real issue is a medical one. Inbreeding generally brings out all the genetic flaws. Most of the medical community thinks that anything out further than second cousins is relatively safe.
My bf posted a pic of us kissing. It wasn’t gross or anything, but I got really mad. He asked what was the big deal but I just think he should have asked me first. I’m so mad that we almost broke up. He says I’m overreacting. How do I get him to see he is wrong?
He isn't necessarily wrong or right. His ideas about posting pics are just different than yours. Since these were innocent pics, just be nice and tell him you are not comfortable posting them. I could understand if these were intimate pics, but they weren't. If you are getting this worked up over something so small, how are you going to react when the real issues come up?
My husband says we should open up a joint bank account. He says the fees would be less. My parents always had separate accounts, so I don’t see anything wrong with that. I don’t think he’s trying to get my money because he has way more than me. What do other couples do?
It's a decision that a couple should make together. You are doing what your parents did, and he's probably doing what his parents did. There is no right or wrong. Some couples even have 3 accounts - his, hers, and theirs. But he certainly is right about saving on the bank fees.
They were beautiful ecards, and I spent probably longer than I would if they were handwritten. My husband says our relative is just a grumpy old fart, and I should ignore the note. My question is, was she right?
Traditionalists prefer hard copy, but the times, they are a changin'. Many people still consider it more polite to send a "real" card. My guess is that in 20 years these cards won't be around just like ebooks are replacing hard copy books. Just send her a nice note through the mail telling her that your intent was not to upset her and that you can understand her point of view. Just leave it at that. You're not going to convince her.
We are newlyweds. We had a lovely wedding. I sent out really heartfelt ecards of thank you to everyone for the gifts. One of our relatives sent me the nastiest note telling us we were son ungrateful that we couldn’t even take the time to send a real thank you card. I feel awful.
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