My fiancee’s bro is a druggie. I’ve tried to talk to him but he just blows me off. Her parents can’t control him but they let him stay in the house. I have said something and they all told me to mind my own business. I think it is my business if this guy is going to be a relative.

September 04, 2015

It's really not your business unless you are going to be living with him or have him into your home, which I would not recommend. They are defensive, and even though your intentions were good, they feel embarrassed and ashamed that they are powerless. That turns to anger.

My roommate in the dorm says we should set up a system that if we have a guy in the room we should put a yellow post it note on the door. My feeling is that its my room too. If she’s going to get it on it should be somewhere else. Am I being a prude about this?

September 04, 2015

One of the suggestions I always make to potential roommates anywhere is to establish what behaviors are okay with all parties. It avoids exactly what you are pointing out. What you need to do at this point is to sit down together and calmly discuss the issue and come to a compromise. I assure you, this is not the only time roomies have had disagreements about what goes on in an apartment or dorm room when it comes to sex. The key is to keep an open mind.

My life partner is a really good looking guy and gets hit on all the time by women. We are gay so I know it will never go anywhere but it still bothers me. It’s not that I’m jealous. I just think its disrespectful. He says to just ignore it. Can you offer any advice?

September 04, 2015

Actually, you are no different than a straight couple, which means -- of course, you are jealous. If women are hitting on him when the two of you are out, they may not be aware he is gay. It's just playing the dating game. One person going up to another person that seems interesting is certainly not disrespectful.

How do other people handle gifts they get but don’t want?

September 04, 2015

It depends on the gift. The easiest thing to do is to graciously accept the gift and then donate it to a good cause. That way there are no hard feelings, and someone benefits from the person's generosity.

My aunt gave us this beautiful silverware set for our wedding. My wife said it was disrespectful because something like silverware should be left up to the bride and groom to choose. I feel like returning it and just saying thanks but its not our taste. My husband says it will hurt my aunt.

September 04, 2015

Just accept it graciously. Whether you use it or not is up to you. My guess would be that your aunt meant no disrespect. In the "olden days" people just gave gifts. There were no registries. Even if it sits in a drawer, you will make your aunt happy just accepting it.

Do you think it’s fair that my bro who is 19 gets to have his gf sleep over and I’m 16 but they won’t let my bf sleep over? I’ve tried asking them but they just say that’s the way it is.

September 04, 2015

Your parents may have their own reasons, but I'm guessing it's a combination of your age and gender. Many parents, even today, are still much stricter with daughters than with sons. The bottom line is that it's their house and they get to make the rules. Reminds me of my mom who used to say, "Because I'm the parent."

How can I make her understand?

September 04, 2015

see previous

Me and this girl have been best buds since elementary school. She is like my little sister and we both feel the same way about our relationship. The problem is that my gf gets pissed off whenever I get a text or IG from her. I’ve tried to explain our relationship but she doesn’t get it.

September 04, 2015

Clearly, your gf is not trusting you. Both you and your friend are very clear with each other about your relationship, but your gf has serious doubts. Short of not talking to your good friend, there is not a whole lot you can do. Your gf's behavior sends up a giant red flag for me. It is an indication of things to probably come. You should give serious consideration to your gf's behaviors and make some decisions about what you will and will not put up with.

There’s this guy at school who writes me poetry. He’s really sweet. My friends think it’s creepy. He is a little bit odd but I don’t think he has a mean bone in his body. How should I respond to his poetry? The poems are always about me.

September 04, 2015

I wouldn't worry about your friends' opinions. The only question to be answered is do you like it and him. Each relationship is unique. you have come across a male who is obviously creative and romantic. many women would give anything for their man to have even just a little bit of that. Go with your heart.

So my roommate and me have a mutual friend. My roomie is cheating on her bf with this mutual friend. I just can’t believe she would do this. Our friend (he will now be my ex friend) stays over once in awhile. I just leave. Do you think I should say something to her and/or her bf?

September 04, 2015

There is nothing wrong with you expressing your feelings about your roommate and your friend, but be warned that it probably will result in the end of your relationship(s) with them. That is not to say you shouldn't do it. Obviously, their values and morals don't match yours, so it may just be time to move on. I would not chew them out. Just tell them that their actions lead you to no longer being friends with them.

One of the stat people for my football team is this really nice girl. I think I would like to hang with her but I’m worried about it getting in the way if she is on the field when I’m playing. What do other guys do.

August 28, 2015

Actually, it may work exactly opposite of what you think. You may play better because you are playing in front of her. Just go with the flow and see what happens. Stop second guessing yourself.

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I have a huge crush on this guy in my algebra class. He’s a real serious student so he just focuses on the work in class. How do I get his attention?

August 28, 2015

Politely ask him for some help on a problem, but don’t play dumb. Make it a hard problem that you might need help with anyway. Then you can take it from their. Just be a good friend first. I know the feminists would slam me, but it's called the "cute factor" and it works.

How is a guy supposed to know if a girl is okay having sex? I would never want to push anybody.

August 28, 2015

very simple. Ask. Just say, “Are you okay with this?” Don’t go further without a definite “yes.”

I am on the high school football team but I’m also in drama. Some people keep making fun of me. It makes me feel funny. I would like to have a girlfriend but there are “rumors” floating around. What should I do?

August 28, 2015

By rumors, I assume you mean that the word is you are gay. First and foremost, be yourself. Just look at all the pro athletes who are also actors. That list includes Michael Jordan, Rhonda Rousey, Lebron James, and Shaq. You are in good company.

My gf has a hygiene problem. I tried bringing it up before but she went off on me. I don’t know what to do but it’s starting to push me away and I don’t want that. How can I get her to do something?

August 28, 2015

Personal hygiene is very important in any relationship. Often the lack of it is an indication of low self esteem, but it can also be just plain laziness. In any event, all you can do is tell her that it concerns you. If she doesn’t change, you will have to make a choice. I don’t know about you, but personal hygiene would be a make it or break it deal to me.

My uncle is only 8 years older than me, but I always call him uncle. He has a new gf who is about 5 years older than me. She treats me like I’m a little niece and it really upsets me. Should I say something to my uncle?

August 28, 2015

You don’t need to put your uncle in the middle. You can respectfully confront her directly. Let her know that you do not appreciate being treated like a little girl considering there are only a few years between you. I would ask your uncle to sit with you when you have the conversation so that she doesn’t go back to him and tell him how “disrespectful” you were.

Why can’t my bf learn that I don’t like his hands all over me all the time? I’ve asked him politely before but he thinks it’s funny. I don’t.

August 28, 2015

Clearly, your bf does not respect what you have to say. This is an issue of no-means-no. He thinks it’s cute. It’s not cute. You need to tell him that if he chooses not to stop, you choose to be with someone who will respect you.

I really love this guy in my class Ive known him for 4 years and i pushed him away and told him not to talk to me but he still continues to talk to me the problem is he told me he didnt have feelings for me and that was 2 years ago so i havent tried to ask him again but is it possible that changed?

August 28, 2015

People change over time. The best thing to do is to sit down with him and talk openly and honestly. Other than that, you will never know and can only guess.

that he's exactly what my daughter needs to get her life in order. I feel horrible for even asking this, but I'm a single parent and I literally have no family or friends I can talk to about these kinds of things.

August 21, 2015

see previous answer

the problem is my daughter. Admittedly she is quite the trouble maker and I've tried so hard to get both of us to see a therapist. My question however is should I tell her bf her real age? I purposely didn't tell him because he's such a gentleman and well adjusted/ successful individual that I feel

August 21, 2015

see previous answer

My 16 yr old daughter has a 23 yr old bf. She admitted to me that she met him at a concert and she lied/ is lying to him about her age. I ran a background check on him and he has no bad background. I've met him on a few occasions as well and he is an absolute delight! I think very highly of him but

August 21, 2015

This answers the next 3 questions, as it is really one question. Absolutely, you should tell this man your daughters age. Your daughter has lied to him and to you. She is making poor decision, and you have an obligation as her parent, single or not, to step in. Your first job is to be a parent, not to have her like you.

When talking to a new girl is it rude to ask her age? I've been told by some girls that is rude to ask, but I only ask b/c at least 2X already I've been hit on by girls who were 17yrs old (I stopped talking to them once I found out).

August 21, 2015

If your just talking to someone, you don't need to ask about age. As long as you keep everything casual, there should be no problem. It may take you a bit longer before asking them out, but then you won't be considered rude because you didn't ask directly. And you don't need to stop talking to someone just because they are a certain age.

I really want to talk to this girl that I see in church. problem is she always goes with her parents, and I always go with mine so how do I approach her without being disrespectful?

August 21, 2015

You have the absolute best case scenario, and you don't ever realize it. Go up and introduce yourself to her parents FIRST and then to her. You will make a hugely positive impression. If she's of a mind, you can then introduce her family to yours. You've just scored in the big leagues!

I really want my bf to go continue his education either in college or adult school. The problem is he seems so scared to go back. He didn't have the best time in high school, but I see so much potential in him. He's so smart and he wants a better paying job but he can never bring himself up

August 21, 2015

Your bf may have a learning disability/difference that has kept him back and scared that he can't succeed. The best advice is to have himself assessed. Many educational institutions make excellent accommodations for learning differences. We work a lot with this population, and feeling dumb and stupid is one of the biggest complaints. Once the problem is properly identified, interventions can easily be put in place to help him succeed.

I feel so disillusioned with life right now. Things just haven't been going right for me. I'm especially upset with my job. I really want to leave but no matter where I apply I can't seem to land a job, I'm getting desperate b/c I work in education and those skills mean little to other companies

August 21, 2015

Sometime desperate times make us all more creative. As the saying goes, "Necessity is the mother of invention." Just keep pushing forward. You might consider going to a career counselor to see what other jobs may fit your skill set. You would truly be surprised to know how many other people are in your exact position. Just keep knocking on doors.

Dr. Andrew

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