This other couple in our group does too many pda’s. Nobody has confronted them but it makes all of us very uncomfortable. What do we say? We don’t want them to leave the group but we do want them to stop.

August 21, 2015

I would say exactly what you just said in your question. "We don't want you to leave the group, but your PDA behavior makes us all very uncomfortable. We hope you will be able to remain in the group by respecting our wishes." That should pretty much nail your message down. If they continue, they made themselves history.

I put up some pics I shouldn’t have. Is it true that they really can’t be erased? It really worries me. It was supposed to be for my bf only.

August 21, 2015

Unfortunately, yes, it is very true. Anything anyone puts in digital format is basically accessible FOREVER. It's not just young people who don't seem to get this. Middle aged and older adults do the same thing. I have had dozens of patients in the office upset about the very same thing. Basic rule to think about- never put anything in writing, digital or otherwise, that you would not be prepared to defend on the witness stand in front of a jury.

This girl keeps texting me and I’ve asked her to stop. My friends think its funny. I think its a pain in the ass. I don’t want to hurt her but I want her to stop. How do I do this?

August 21, 2015

If you are school, talk to a counselor. Let the counselor know what has happened and ask for a meeting with the three of you to be scheduled. That usually puts a stop to it, but if it doesn't, at least everything has been clearly documented by a professional. You will then have grounds to take legal action.

Is it true viagra can help girls too?

August 21, 2015

No, it's not true at all. Real viagra is for males only. There is a drug nicknamed "female viagra" that just got FDA approval in the U.S. this week. There is still a lot of controversy about it because of the side effects and that it's far from a love potion. There is also a lot of concern about females using it along with drinking because it has a very bad interaction with alcohol. It was designed for women with very low sex drive only, not to enhance sex.

Me and this guy really like each other. Both of us are coming off bad relationships. We would like to be reasonably sure we are right for each other. Can your app do this?

August 21, 2015

My guess is that both of you have been in unfulfilling relationships because you never realized what it would take to feel fulfilled. Love Shopping List, the app, was designed to do exactly that, to help you define your idea of a good relationship. As long as you are honest with yourself, the app will do the work. Both of you are smart in being uber cautious coming off bad relationships. Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on me.

Our daughter keeps going with the guy who is abusive. She’s 19 so there’s not a lot we can do. It really hurts us to see her so hurt and upset. We’ve tried talking but she just shuts us down. Is there another way to help?

August 21, 2015

Your daughter does not realize she is a victim, but she certainly is acting like one. You can offer to go to see a counselor with her. Just keep expressing how much you love her and want whats best for her. She still may reject any suggestions until it's too late, and then all you can do is to be there to help pick up the pieces. Sometimes children need love the most when they deserve it the least.

Me and this other girl are on the softball team. We like each other a lot but don’t know how it will come across to the other teammates. Should we risk coming out? We don’t want to do anything to take away from the team.

August 21, 2015

It's very considerate of both of you to worry about the team. As a former coach myself, I would recommend talking to your coach about your concerns. Ultimately, the choice will be yours, and you have to be true to yourself, but you may want to wait until after the season if you feel strongly that it may disrupt the team.

My bf’s son is disrespectful and rude. My bf does nothing about it. I’ve sat back figuring it’s not my job, but when the kid does this to me, I feel like saying something. What do I do?

August 21, 2015

First of all, it is not your job, you are right. If you were BF is not going to do anything about it, there's nothing you can do other then when the son talks to you. You could certainly set a firm boundary and indicate that you will not tolerate his rudeness. If nothing changes, it's a giant red flag about the relationship.

I went to a local bar where you can meet people and I saw everyone very busy on their cellphones. Maybe they should go home and do it there. This seems rather bizarre to me. This wasn't like this 10 years ago. I don't think I like all this gadget stuff. Is this the way things are now?

August 14, 2015

Yes, pretty much wherever you turn, people are on their gadgets. There are some basic etiquette rules but not many. Remember that 10 years ago much of the internet was still in it's infancy, and there were no smart phones or smart devices or apps. Welcome to 2015

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My wife’s aunt is really negative. All she does is complain about things. It’s almost like I don’t want to be around her at family stuff. I feel bad about this because she is all alone but how do I stop this? My wife just says I should do charity work with her.

August 14, 2015

Listen to your wife. Her aunt is a very lonely person and probably depressed. Do your 5-10 minutes of charity work. It will keep everyone happy, and your life will be better because you listened to your wife :-)

So what do I do with a guy who keeps texting me when I don’t want him to? I’ve tried ignoring him but the texts just keep coming. I don’t want to freak on him online but he’s really getting on my nerves.

August 14, 2015

This is what cyberstalking is all about. You need to confront him in the presence of some of your friends so he knows you are serious because you have potential witnesses, if you should need them. the only question I would have is -- have you been very assertive and specific with your request. Sometimes people think they are being clear in their messages when they really are not.

There’s a guy in my history class that I think I really like. How do I get his attention without it looking like I’m desperate? I don’t want him to think I’m cheap.

August 14, 2015

Just start out being a good friend. Be interesting and interested. If he is of like mind, a relationship might follow. BTW, showing interest in someone does not make you cheap.

My bf’s parents want us to have a destination wedding but we don’t think its right. They have money but a lot of our friends don’t. I think they are pushy. They are paying for the wedding because my mom has been sick and out of work. What do we do?

August 14, 2015

They are doing the wedding for them, like displaying a trophy. The two of you are being sensitive to your friends, which I think is wonderful. You can try talking with them, but I doubt it will make a difference. You can always do a small, simple wedding with your friends. Understand they will probably try to control you two with money, e.g. cutting off you and your bf if you don't do things their way. Be strong and do what you both feel is right. Shame on them!!

My gf keeps flirting with my friends. When I complain she says she is just fooling around. But it still bugs me. Is this something I should worry about?

August 14, 2015

I'm not so much worried about her flirting as I am about her lack of respect for your feelings. She probably loves the attentions she is getting from the flirting but doesn't realize what she is establishing for herself in the future. I would have one more serious discussion with her. If she still refuses to honor your request, you need to think seriously about ending the relationship. This is a long answer to your question, but the bottom line is, yes, you should worry.

I picked up my dad’s phone and saw something I really never wanted to see. He’s cheating on my mom. Should I confront him? I’m scared they will get divorced.

August 14, 2015

Some will say that you should not get in the middle, while others will tell you to speak up. My feeling is that carrying around this information as a secret is not good for you. Obviously, your parents are having trouble. So, here's a suggestion. Sit them both down and say, "I have become aware of things between the two of you that don't involve me. I am telling you both not to put me in the middle. Whatever you're going to do will obviously involve me, but please don't use me as your therapist." If they ask you what you are talking about, just say, "Neither of you should leave your phone laying around if you expect privacy." Don't give any more information. If you feel you need help getting through this, make sure you get it.

We are a young married couple. My parents keep dropping in unannounced. I’ve tried to drop a hint but they don’t get it. My husband says we should just answer the door nude one time and that would take care of it. What do other couples do?

August 14, 2015

Hey, I really like your husband's idea!! Seriously, the two of you need to explain to your parents that, while you enjoy them coming over, they should remember what it was like to be young. "Please respect our wishes and let us know you are coming over."

My bf wants to have tushie sex. He says it’s perfectly normal. Is he right? I don’t want to be weird but it freaks me out.

August 14, 2015

First, normal, especially with sex, is in the eyes of the beholder. If you are freaked out or in any way not comfortable, you need to express that to him, and that should be the end of the discussion. Never ever feel like you have to do anything with regard to sex just because someone else tells you it's okay. Both partners need to be comfortable when it comes to intimacy.

Should teenagers under 18 have kids?

August 07, 2015

Depends on the individual, and it depends on the culture. Some people are ready to be married young, while others need more time to mature. I certainly wouldn't advocate for being a parent that young because I believe the individual would be missing the beginning of adulthood with no strings attached. That being said, I have worked with young couples who are incredibly good parents and have figured out a way to be successful in life.

I’m probably old fashioned but I like it when guys hold the door open for me. How do I get a date to do this on the car or wherever we go?

August 07, 2015

This is an easy one that I've commented on before. If it's a car, don't get out until he comes around and opens it. If it's another door, just stand and wait. If he doesn't get the message, you probably need to find someone else. And, yes, you can be a liberated woman and be old-fashioned all at the same time. It's called "class."

My gf drank a whole bottle of Jack and I had to rush her to the hospital. Her parents think it’s my fault but I didn’t even know she brought it with her to the party. She’s okay now but I’m thinking maybe I shouldn’t be with her anymore. Is she an alcoholic?

August 07, 2015

If this is a one and done, she just didn't know how to handle it. If this has occurred before, she probably has an alcohol problem. Before you decide whether or not to break up, have a serious talk with her about your concerns. Her reactions will help you decide on what you need to do.

How can I make her see how wrong she is?

August 07, 2015

see previous answer

My mother found a box of condoms in my room. Now I’m grounded for a month. I told her I thought I was being mature and responsible but she just blew me off. She even called my gf’s mother. Now we are restricted from seeing each other. This sucks. I feel like running away.

August 07, 2015

You must have crossed your mother's moral barrier. She may have such strong beliefs that she can not see that you truly were being mature and responsible. Unfortunately, she puts you in a position that you either have to violate your own beliefs or hers. It's truly a shame that you have to make that decision, but you do. It also sounds like you and your gf have both violated her parents' barriers. She will have to make some of the same decisions you do. Behaving like an adult necessitates being aware of the consequences and taking precautions. You two have done both. Congratulations.

Me and this girl have been esponding for about 6 months. I’d really like to meet her in person but she keeps putting it off. I’m beginning to get really worried. Is there a way to check out if she’s the real deal?

August 07, 2015

There are plenty of places online that you can get a very thorough background check for not too much. If you have any doubts, it would be well worth your time and effort. One of the problems with social media is that anyone can pretend they are someone else. Make sure this person is the real deal.

This guy sent me a really cute poem but he did it on Facebook. I don’t know whether to be happy or pissed. My friends kind of are making fun of me. Why couldn’t he just write it to me and give it to me directly?

August 07, 2015

My guess is that your friends are making fun of you because they are secretly jealous. Look at it this way. The guy wants the world to know how he feels about you. If you feel the same way, let him keep telling the world. Your friends will just have to deal with it.

I don’t want to be alone in my senior year of high school so I haven’t broken up with my bf. I don’t think we will ever work out. Do you think I’m being selfish just to stay with him if I have no long term plans?

August 07, 2015

In a word, yes, you are being selfish because you are not being truthful. If the two of you come to an understanding that after graduation you will go your separate ways, that's one thing. But using him just to not be alone is not being fair. Think about what it would be like if the tables were turned and you were just being used. How would that go over with you?

Dr. Andrew

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