My life partner just told me she went out with a male friend of ours and had sex. I am devastated. We’ve been together for 5 years and I never thought this would happen. She said she just wanted to see what it was like with a man. I haven’t been able to sleep or eat for 3 days. Now what?

May 15, 2015

Whenever there is infidelity, regardless of sexual preference, it cuts us to the core. It doesn't make any difference whether it was with a male or a female. Your relationship has a deep, open wound. You need to work with a professional that can be objective and guide the two of you to establish what you both want your relationship to look like, including marriage. It will take time and lots of work to overcome. You will have to decide for yourself whether or not you want to do that.

My friend’s son is sexually active at 15. she’s told me. He asked our daughter out and I’m freaked because I know about him. I don’t think I should tell her what I know, but I do think she needs to be aware what she’s getting herself into. Advice, please.

May 15, 2015

You are correct that you should not tell her directly, but as a parent, particularly as a mom with a daughter, you need to have THE talk, not the birds & bees talk, but the dating talk. If she has not had a lot of experience, she may find herself in a situation that she really won't know how to handle. Don't go overboard. Just tell her you are concerned and would like to at least give her some tips. Let her know that she can always call you to pick her up anywhere, anytime if she is uncomfortable.

How do I get past the fact my husband cheated on me? My friends tell me to divorce him but I want to try to make it work. Can it ever?

May 15, 2015

Infidelity is a big part of couples' therapy. First, to answer you question directly, yes, your marriage can get through it provided you are both willing to do a lot of work. It takes effort and time. Your friends are trying to protect you, and that shows their loyalty, but they seem too quick to be the judge, jury, and executioner. The two of you should seek out a therapist that has had a lot of experience with couples. That way you will have an objective look at your issues.

I’m new on the dating scene even though I’m 19. What’s the best way to ask a girl out? I’m really worried about coming across as immature.

May 15, 2015

The best advice is to be yourself, because if you try to fake it, you will fall flat on your face. I always suggest that people do a bit of "research" on potential dates so that you know the person's interests. That way you have some common territory to discuss. There are many techniques to asking a date out. Some are old cliche's, some are funny, and some are way too serious. You have to find one that fits your personality. You can always try the "Hey, I've got tickets Saturday night for ... I was wondering if you'd like to go." It's simple and straight to the point.

My gf thinks it’s fine that she’s out with the girls to bars. She says we aren’t married, but I say we’ve been going together for 3 years and it bugs me that she’s out getting hit on. Am I being to paranoid?

May 15, 2015

It sounds like the two of you have never really established what your relationship should look like. She is correct that the two of you are not married, and you are correct that 3 years together is a committed relationship. You may have different expectations of your relationship, and that can cause a boat load of problems. Instead of getting upset, sit down and have an honest, open discussion about where your relationship is and where it's going. That will go a long way to addressing your concerns.

Im still inlove with my ex. What should i do? I think He Also still love me too.

May 15, 2015

You don't say "ex" of what. An ex bf is very different than an "ex" as in marriage. Let's assume for now it's a bf. The two of you really need to sit down with a professional and figure out how you can eliminate the issues that caused you to break up. You both need to know if you are REALLY compatible and not just getting back together out of habit. Here's a suggestion- you both should try figuring out what you really want in a relationship. It's actually the reason we designed our app- Love Shopping List (it's free). You can't fix what you don't know is wrong, and you definitely want to keep what is right. Good luck.

How can i have a slim body and a pretty face ?,

Maria Lucila

May 08, 2015

Your body is your body. I wouldn't worry about being slim. I prefer to see someone who is fit and in shape. watch your food intake and get plenty of exercise. take a look at a body mass indicator (BMI) calculator, which you can check out on line. It will tell you how you are doing. I have found that most people with a weight problem have crappy eating habits and don't do much exercise. That's really the key. As far as a pretty face, treat yourself to a trip to a department store cosmetic counter. They have experts who will show you the tricks of the trade to make the most of you facial features.

I try to find another but my ex bony friend didnt try. He always text me asap if ever he had a load. We're just like friends after we broke up.

May 08, 2015

keep your distance. He's not healthy for you

How can I stop smoking and lose weight

May 08, 2015

two words: diet and exercise. I have had many patients over the years who have been worried about the same thing. Yes, when you stop smoking, you tend to eat more, so you will have to exert self-control. I have never smoked, but I LOVE to eat. I am reasonably strict 5-6 days a week, but even on the one or two days, I don't really pig out that much (okay, once in a while). But I have an exercise regiment that I stick to every day, even when I'm on vacation. Stopping smoking is hard because nicotine is one of the most addicting elements around. However, if you value your health, you will stop. At my age it's very easy to tell who the smokers and nonsmokerers are because the smokings skin has a yellowish tinge to it. There is no easy way to do this, but if you love yourself enough, you will get through it.

My fault why my ex boyfriend broke up with because my attitude to him is not good sometimes i wont text him. Thats why one day he broke uo with me and its ok to me that time but sooner i realized i loved him. But before we broke up he told he will back after 1 year so im so confused.

May 08, 2015

You have better things to do than wait around for a year. That's a long time. It's great that you are taking some of the responsibility for the break-up, but you still don't need to be treated like a child. If you are still stuck on trying to make it work, I would suggest the two of you go and get some professional help to sort things out. That way you will both have a better idea of whether the relationship is going to work.

I have tried talking to him but all I get is "fuck off" and "your not worth it" like I'm so hooked on him but he's treating us like a mug and I don't know what I've done wrong or what to do, sorry for letting everything out to you but no one else understands

May 08, 2015

see next answer

how do I tell someone I'm not quite ready for a relationship with them but I want to keep being the way we are?I'm scared he will take it wrong and just leave.I do like him in that way but also can't be with someone at the moment.I have a lot of person issues also (mental illness)shall I tell him?

May 08, 2015

A relationship has to be based on honesty, otherwise it will never last long. If you don't tell him what's going on (don't give a whole lot of details), he will begin to imagine that you really don't like him. Yes, you may lose him by telling him, but if you aren't honest with him, you will lose him for sure. If he really has feelings for you, he will stick with you through this process. P.S. I hope you are getting professional help.

a lad I was on and off with for 3 years had turned really funny with me like he's turned into a complete bellend all because when we were out in town he wanted to talk to us but I said no because he was drunk as anything and said he feels like he can't talk to me sober, should I keep trying or??

May 08, 2015

It's one thing to have a few pints with his buddies, but it's not okay to a lass in that state. You need to ask him why he feels he can't talk to you sober. Also, you can't believe a thing he says when bending the elbow because you are talking to the spirits, not him

My ex boyfriend told me before we broke up that he will court me again after 1 year. Should i need to wait for 1 yera?,should i trust him ?

May 08, 2015

Honey, don't EVER go back with this guy. Who the hell is he to break up with you and tell you that you have to wait a year. Please feel good enough about yourself that you never give this guy the time of day. Let him find someone else who will jump when he snaps his fingers.

My suitor is ignoring me because he dont like what i did. Im just seen here mesg. In facebook but it just a accident. I explain to him and i said sorry but he didn't accept and he didnt talk to me until now. What should i do ? ?

May 08, 2015

You've already apologized, so there's not much more you can do at this point. You only have control over your actions, not those of other people. More will be revealed with time.

Liked by: Maria Lucila

There’s this girl at school that’s drop dead gorgeous. I would like to ask her out but I’m afraid. My friends say to just go for it but how do I get past worrying about if she says no? She’s really nice.

May 08, 2015

There is no way to eliminate the fear of rejection. It comes with the territory of dating. I guarantee you will be rejected sometime during the dating game. It never feels good, but it's a fact. You are just going to have to take that risk. Your friends are right.

I am 15 to others im look 19 while to the other boys i look 13 They say i play like a child. Dressed like a child. What should i do?

May 08, 2015

This is a really tough one. You need to be who you are and not listen to people who constantly criticize you. I'm not sure what you mean when you say "play like a child." Only be with people who value and appreciate you for who you are, not for who they want you to be.

I’m a sophomore in college. There’s this woman in one of my classes that makes my mind go blank. I usually have no problem talking to people in any situation but there is something about her where my mind turns to jello. I’ve checked her out and she’s not going with anyone so how do I get past?

May 08, 2015

In Italian they refer to it as the "thunderbolt." You may have heard the term from The Godfather movie. You are just going to have to risk asking her out. AND enjoy your cup of jello. You obviously have fallen "head over heels" for her. You'll know more after going out with her. Ain't love grand? It's the best feeling in the world.

One of the other girls on my softball team keeps hitting on me. I’ve tried to be nice and friendly but she’s not getting the message that I’m into guys and not girls. I don’t want to offend her or do anything that would be insensitive since we will be on the same team for 2 more years. Awkward.

May 08, 2015

It's really no different whether it's opposite sex or same sex. Just be gentle and tell her that you like her as a friend and would just like to keep it that way. If she gets really pushy, you are just going to have to tell her gently that you only date guys.

My dad wants me to go out with his partner’s daughter. I’ve met her before and she is nice. I just don’t want to be pressured in case something goes wrong. How can I tell him to back off without seeming ungrateful. I realize he’s just trying to help.

May 08, 2015

Hey Dad, I know you mean well, but I'd like to try taking care of my own dates. She's nice and all, but I have to be comfortable first before asking her out. Thanks for understanding.

Is there a way to know whether or not this guy in my chem class likes me? He keeps talking to me and wants to partner with me on a project. I think he does but I want to be sure before I think about it.

May 08, 2015

There are no guarantees in dating. Just keep the dialogue between you going, and all will be revealed. Remember that from a guy's point, he may not feel comfortable risking rejection, so he's playing it safe for now. Just keep talking and smiling. And, no, regardless of what some say, the direct approach of just asking him if he likes you is being way too pushy.

Whenever we go out with this other couple they “conveniently” forget either cash or their credit card. This has happened several times. We like them a lot except for this. We would like to stay friends but this is getting on our nerves. Please tell us what to say.

May 08, 2015

Try telling them BEFORE you go out again that the last several time the two of you paid, so this time it's on them. It's important that you set this boundary, otherwise it will continue. You want to do it before going out so that your expectations are clear.

I am 13 but I look like I’m 18 or 19. I dress modestly but guys keep hitting on me. It makes me really weirded out. Is there something I can say without sounding like a little whining kid?

May 08, 2015

I've had several female patients with the same problem. We came up with this line that seemed to say what you want very clearly. "I'm 13 and don't go out yet, but I'd love to do that when I'm older." At that point only a perv keeps on coming on. The rest run for the hills. It's called jail bait.

Would it be a good idea to talk to a therapist before engaging in hardcore bdsm for the first time? I've heard that some people can be scarred by a bad experience.

May 08, 2015

Excellent question. Yes, for some people a first experience with bdsm can be traumatic. It would be a good idea to seek out a therapist with considerable experience regarding these issues. In general, it always helps to talk to someone about a new experience before hand unless it's something that simply happens spontaneously.

Is it true that men who don't masturbate will continue to have wet dreams as they age as a means of "release"?

May 08, 2015

Very ancient myth. There is not scientific evidence to this. The dreams are generally more prevalent when males are younger, but they are not tied to a build up of seminal fluid.

Dr. Andrew

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