We have another couple as friends. They tell us whenever they go out with his parents, the parents make them pay half. Before I give them any advice I wanted to check with you. Both our parents ALWAYS insist on paying the bill even if we offer, so that’s what we are used to.

December 12, 2014

It doesn't sound like they have asked you for your opinion, so there's no reason for you to offer an opinion. There's probably more to this than just what you are seeing. The couples parents might not have the means to pay and may be the tradition in their family circle.
You are fortunate to have parents who can and want to pay for your meal. They sound very generous.

When do you know if your partner is an alcoholic?

December 12, 2014

There are many signs beyond just consuming alcohol.
Does alcohol interfere in your partners life?
Does your partner always talk about and seek alcohol?
Does your partner have abusive behavior when drinking alcohol?
Has drinking caused any legal problems?
Does alcohol interfere in your relationship?
If the answer to a lot of these questions is yes I would recommend going to an Alanon meeting. You will learn much more and have a support system.

My bf has been after me to start exercising more. He never criticizes how I look. He always compliments me. I’m not sure I really want to go all out like he does. Everything else is really good. I’m not really a sports person so this is tough.

December 12, 2014

Exercise with him so you can be with him. You can go at your own pace. It sounds like your bf cares about you and your health. This is something that the two of you can do together and will also be of benefit to your health.

We are both in high school. We are both pretty religious but lately we’ve been getting closer to doing it. We are not sure how to handle the situation. Any help would be great. Thanks.

December 12, 2014

Since you are both religious speak with your religious leader who will help you to make a decision consistent with your religious beliefs and values. It's a decision that should make both of you feel comfortable and should not be taken lightly

My m-i-l has a tantrum if we don’t come over every Sunday for dinner. My wife says it’s just her way of being close. I say we need to set boundaries. We’ve only been married a year and I don’t want this to be a pattern forever.

December 12, 2014

Finds out if this is a tradition that your wife's family has established. Marriage is made up of give and take and compromises. Maybe you can go every other week.

My sister-in-law is always putting me down at family functions. I’ve asked my husband to say something but he says its just between us. Do I unload on her or hold my tongue?

December 12, 2014

Tell your sister-in-law that you would like to have a private conversation with her. Explain that you know how important family is to her, and let her know that it is also very important to you. Ask her if there is anything that you have done to upset her because you sense bad vibes from her. Tell her that you would appreciate having mutual respect between the two of you. Always try not to point fingers.

My husband LOVES to drink beer! He drinks a couple of tall cans everyday, yet he's rarely "stupid drunk" and he's always pretty level headed. My concern is obviously his HEALTH! How do I get him to go 2 the dr and how do I get him 2 cut back? I drink myself, but I've cut back a lot in recent months.

December 05, 2014

Try using the exact logic you explained in your question. Don't talk to him about alcohol. Talk to him about your love for him and your concern for his health. Brow-beating him won't work. Talk to his doctor about your concerns, and use the doctor as your ally. BTW, two beers a day is a reasonable amount as long as his health is okay. If he is drinking more than that, there's a problem.

My son wants to move to Alaska, because he feels like there are way too many distractions here in California. My wife and I respect that he wants to finally go to college, but why does he have to go so far to do it? he's not a party type at all, but I'm just really going to miss him

December 05, 2014

Sometimes you have to let someone go away and let them know they can always come home. It's great that you feel so close to him, but you had your chance to spread your wings. It's now his turn. You need to be the wind beneath his wings and support his self-exploration and independence. You just need to make sure he's going away for the right reasons, but ultimately, if he's over 18, it's his call. If your relationship with him is really that strong, he'll come back around, and your relationship will be even stronger.

is it weird 4 a 16 yr old 2 date a 21 year old? it seems like everyone I know (male and female) seem to be getting into relationships with people younger than themselves.

December 05, 2014

At those ages, yes, it's a bit odd. A 16 yo brain (and I had one at that age, too) is not developed in the same way as a 21 yo. That's not an opinion. It's a biological, neurological fact. If you were asking about a 5 year difference at, let's say, 25 & 30, then it's much more reasonable. I think a 16 yo would be happy and flattered that someone older is paying attention, but still doesn't level the brain development playing field. I know there are many who would disagree, and that's their prerogative. But keep in mind a 16 yo is still a minor by law.

...it sounds strange but I'm still interested in seeing where this encounter may lead. I'm a virgin, but the things she promises sound so exciting and kind of scary to me. Anyways in your opinion does it sound like a scam of some sort, should I just cut all contact off w/ her?

December 05, 2014

I will copy this answer to all four of your sections so that others can see the full text of your question.
The simple, straight-forward answer is that you are not completely comfortable with the arrangement. You clearly sense something is not quite right. That pretty much says it all. Why put yourself in a potentially uncomfortable position for a few moments of fun? In my opinion it's not worth it.

....anyways after about a week she sent me a message telling me 2 message her via email. I did and she responded w/ a "mantra" she wants me 2 memorize before we can meet.

December 05, 2014

I will copy this answer to all four of your sections so that others can see the full text of your question.
The simple, straight-forward answer is that you are not completely comfortable with the arrangement. You clearly sense something is not quite right. That pretty much says it all. Why put yourself in a potentially uncomfortable position for a few moments of fun? In my opinion it's not worth it.

Basically I want to know if I'm being deceived or scammed. I was on okcupid browsing profiles and I found one of a supposed dominatrix who was looking 4 a sub/ bf. She doesn't have a pic of her face, but I messaged her anyways.....

December 05, 2014

I will copy this answer to all four of your sections so that others can see the full text of your question.
The simple, straight-forward answer is that you are not completely comfortable with the arrangement. You clearly sense something is not quite right. That pretty much says it all. Why put yourself in a potentially uncomfortable position for a few moments of fun? In my opinion it's not worth it.

I have kind of a long story and I hope that I don't make myself sound like an idiot to you.

December 05, 2014

I will copy this answer to all four of your sections so that others can see the full text of your question.
The simple, straight-forward answer is that you are not completely comfortable with the arrangement. You clearly sense something is not quite right. That pretty much says it all. Why put yourself in a potentially uncomfortable position for a few moments of fun? In my opinion it's not worth it.

Should guys still open car doors for girls? My bf says if I want to be an equal then I should be treated like an equal so he doesn't open the doors - anywhere!

December 05, 2014

It's called being chivalrous when you are out in a formal situation. He gets a pass if you're just out casually. Tell your bf I said he's being a jerk! Of course, he should open the door for you at times. There are things that men and women do for each other because it's being nice. It has nothing to do with being equal or not. You are every bit his equal. That doesn't mean he has an excuse not to be well mannered.

Do you think it's ok to take separate vacations after you are married?

December 05, 2014

It really depends on what the two of you feel is right for you and your marriage. There are many couples who have wonderful relationships and keep it that way by taking both vacations together and separately. For other couples being apart is not why they got married. So, to answer your question, it's not about what I think but more what you and your partner think. Different strokes for different folks.

I really like this guy but I'm not sure if he is the right one. Is there a way to know?

December 05, 2014

You certainly came to the right place. Our app and our book, both named Love Shopping List, were designed and written to help you find the answer to your question. It guides you through the questions you might have about what you really want in relationships.You might want to start with the questions others have asked and I have answered www.bit.ly/BuyTheLSLBook

I'm divorced. My kids (12 & 14) go nuts every time I go out with anyone. Any advice?

December 05, 2014

They need help. They probably see your date as stealing you away from them. If the divorce is relatively new, they are still traumatized by the family breaking apart. You can try sitting them down and letting them express their feelings. They are certainly old enough to do that. You might also consider getting them some professional help so they can work through their feeling in a structured way. It can be confusing for them to see you go out with different people. It sounds like you are already sensitive to their emotions already. Keep that up.

My bf started taking steroids. He's already buff but says it's just for a little while. I'm really worried. Should I be?

December 05, 2014

Almost all user of steroids deny being substance abusers. They have a bunch of rationalizations as to why they are not drug addicts. They point to the careful, scientific way they take the steroids in cycles. They justify the use by saying that they are actually building themselves up as opposed to destroying themselves like druggies. Bottom line - they, too, are drug abusers. Yes, you should worry because there can be severe side effects. Megarexia (never feeling big enough) is a serious psychological problem. Some put it in the same category as Body Dysmorphic Disorder, which is when someone sees their body in an unrealistic fashion. It you want to continue with the relationship, PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

Is it ok to date someone online for awhile before actually going out with them?

December 05, 2014

In 2014 this seems to becoming more or less perfectly normal. As long as you are cautious and are sure the information you are getting online is real, it's a non-threatening way to get to know someone. I would definitely have them thoroughly checked out. There are several online services that will do this for you. That way you can feel better (and safer) about going out.

I am in college and my high school gf just transferred into my school. I'm not interested any more but she thinks we r still together. What do I do?

December 05, 2014

Since you were romantically involved at one point, it would be very nice if you would sit down with her and explain your feelings in a gentle way. She is going to be hurt and upset, but that doesn't mean you should just simply avoid the situation. That's a chickensh-t way to handle it, and it could actually make things much worse.

What can I do if my ex threatens me online?

December 05, 2014

The first thing is to take it to a law enforcement agency so there is an official report made. These matters are still being sorted out because the laws have not yet caught up with social media. Courts have begun to rule that a threat with a plan is a crime. Your ex is trying to control you. But don't for one second think that you can or should handle this on your own. Don't be bullied.

They say men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. How do I learn the Venusian language? I just am not understanding at all and it just gets me in trouble all the time!

November 21, 2014

I try to teach couples to be relationship bilingual. In our book, Love Shopping List ( bit.ly/BuyTheLSLBook ) we have a big discussion on exactly this topic. It's amazing how the sexes ever get together, but somehow it works. Just try to be as understanding as possible and as NOT rigid as possible. Yes, you will still get in trouble, but at least the effort will be there. It's good practice for your future.

Any suggestions for a really romantic dinner? It will be my first shot at cooking for my bf so I want to make it special.

November 21, 2014

Rachel Ray is a good cheerleader for meals in 30 minutes. Keep it simple, whatever you make. One very big bit of advice - try it out BEFORE the big night just to make sure you've got it down. A really easy dish would be nice, but if you've got some kitchen skills, go for it! The romantic part will be in the ambiance, candles, music, wine, etc. That's far more important than the food. Have fun.

We had a question involving Treating possible Histrionic disorder and Dr. Andrew wanted to elaborate on the reasons for his decision to recommend another professional in this case.

November 21, 2014

I hope I didn't offend you when I gave my answer. One of the many things I've learned along my journey is that it's as important to know what you don't know as it is to know what you know. Histrionic Personality Disorder is a genuine deep psychological problem but is not one of my areas of expertise. I would want you to be in the best of hands for your problem. That's the reason I suggested you find someone with that expertise. Hope that feels better.

We think our daughter is just settling instead of waiting for the right guy. Is there a way to discuss this with her without causing WWIII?

November 21, 2014

Give her the gift of Love Shopping List, the app, and get her the book by the same name. That way you can put it in her lap, and SHE will come up with the right idea on her own, which is far more effective. You also have to evaluate your own feelings and see if something is standing in the way of your acceptance of him. Maybe your daughter is right. Only exploration of her facts will reveal all.

Nothing here yet