I really want to be in a female dominated relationship (fem dom). my "macho" friends say that makes me weak, but I can't help it that I feel this way. is there a place or website I can go to in order to find women like that?

September 12, 2014

Sounds like you know what you want but are listening to others' opinions. I would not necessarily go to a site because you are more likely to wind up on an s&m site. Just keep looking for a woman that fits your needs. Thee is no magic formula.

I tell him he's an idiot, but he just turns the other cheek, luckily he doesn't try to force his horse shit philosophy on me, he just says he loves me and he won't do anything I'm not comfortable with. I miss his cynical ways, he's just not the same. Should I dump him or what?

September 12, 2014

He's not judging you. Why are you judging him? He's trying to resolve things in his mind. As for you, you have to make choices on what you really want. If you decide that he's not the one for you, then find someone who is. Just a word of prediction that I have seen over and over. Your cynicism will eat you up from the inside out. It over produces stress hormones that over time will affect everything from your immune system to you whole body. Ultimately, you have the right to make choices about what you want.

My bf is rlly down lately. he wrks 4 a school district with special needs children. Last yr he wrked w/ a boy in a wheelchair and they ended up getting a bond to each other. Well this year, he was supposed to wrk w/ him again, but at the last min he was reassigned nd now he's really bitter :(

September 12, 2014

When a person really cares about someone else, and that person is ripped out of his/her life, there is a loss that takes place. People will got through the stages of loss just as if someone died. On the plus side, when your bf commits to someone, he is in all the way. He is grieving for his loss and needs some time to heal.

Should I date someone that I don't love?

September 12, 2014

Why would you do that? Other than for sex. But then that's not really dating. Are you that hard up for companionship that you HAVE to be with someone? Spare yourself the aggravation. Date someone you really care about.

I think my BF loves his mother more than me. He has a tendency to spend more time with her and go out on the town. He doesn't want me with him when he is with her yet he want to marry me. Does this sound good to you?

September 12, 2014

Unless he's just a mama's boy, he may just have a super close relationship with her. How do you get along with her? He may also be trying to console her because she is having trouble having her son think more about another woman. There can be lots of explanations. Don't jump to any conclusions until you have more facts.

My husband of 3 yrs says he still loves me but is not in love with me. WTF does that mean and is it possible?

September 12, 2014

He's trying to soften the blow. A better way to say it is probably that he still likes you but doesn't love you. So, no, in the truest sense, it's not possible.

Can arranged marriages ever work?

September 12, 2014

I am not from a culture that has arranged marriages, but I have seen couples from arranged marriages that have made it work. I think it really depends on the people involved. Sometimes parents really do know best, but I still prefer individual choices AND responsibility.

I live in a state that same sex marriage is not (yet) legal. Me and my bf are thinking about just going to another state, but that would mean all our friends would miss out. Any thoughts you have are appreciated.

September 12, 2014

That's a very hard choice to make. What you might want to think about is going ahead and getting married in the other state, but then coming home and having a celebration. It's not perfect, but for now you get to have both. I'm sure your friends and family will go for it.

I think our neighbors in the apartment next door have the head board against the wall. We always know when they r banging it out. Is there a nice way to tell them? It’s really annoying.

September 12, 2014

"Hey, you two must have been having a really great time last night. We thought you were going to come right through the wall!" Sometimes handling things directly but with a good sense of humor is the best approach. While you are not trying to embarrass them, you definitely need them to know they are making it difficult for others.

My bf says we should both have genetic testing before we think about marriage. He says there are too many things that could go wrong and we should know if our genes could create a bad combination. Does this seem reasonable?

September 12, 2014

Let me answer your question with a question. If there was a possibility that if you had a child, he/she could have a very short and agonizing life because of a genetic disorder that reveals itself when both the mother and father are carriers, would you want to know? Genetic testing will give you valuable information if you are considering a family. Some very good friends were both cystic fibrosis carriers. Their daughter died at an early age and spent a good part of her life in a hospital trying to breath. Yes, it means there is a possibility that the two of you would reconsider your relationship if you both wanted a family. It's a personal choice.

My gf is trying to get me to buy a bigger diamond ring than I think is necessary. She says that she is the one who has to wear it, so she wan’t to be proud to wear it. I say she should just be grateful for whatever I give her. Who I right?

September 12, 2014

You have some serious thinking to do. This little episode is just a teaser of what is to come. You should get a ring that you can afford, and she should be over the top happy with it as long as you just haven't just been cheap. Unfortunately, your gf clearly has a sense of entitlement, and that does not make your future look much different. There are deeper issues than just the ring. Get some help.

I am adopted. I’m worried that if I tell my bf he will think less of me. What do others do that are in my situation?

September 12, 2014

Over the years I have worked with quite a number of patients who were adopted. Until you get some help to work through issues that most adoptees experience, you will continue to have such questions. I have never come across a situation where one person did not want to be involved with someone else who was adopted. Be honest with him, and you will probably find he is uber supportive.

Is it ok to get to know each other online first before actually going out?

September 12, 2014

Some "older" folks might think this is not a good idea, but this is 2014. Meeting people online is becoming perfectly acceptable. The only downside is that people can pretend to be someone else. This is especially true of predators. There are services that will check people out for you for a relatively low fee. If you are going to rely on meeting online, definitely consider using a service to check the person out.

We are getting married in 4 months. Both our mothers are at each other about every detail of the wedding. I don’t know who started it but his mother is telling him that he should think twice about the marriage because of having to deal with my mother. We feel like just eloping. Advice please.

September 12, 2014

The two of you need to call for a powwow immediately. Sitting side by side, you need to tell them that if they keep this up you will be forced to disconnect them from the event. You need to be very clear that whatever issues they have with each other, they are being very selfish by burdening the two of you. Their actions are incredibly immature and disrespectful. Stand your ground with both sets of parents!

1 of my friends told me that his brother thought i was really cute so he introduced me 2 him but we never talked we just said hi like 2 times when we saw each other at school.During the summer i didn't see him b/c we had no school but since we came back 2 school he's been ignoring me i want 2 know y

September 12, 2014

Ask him. You can say that when you last communicated, you really enjoyed your time, and you were wondering why he was different. Otherwise, all you are going to get is someone's opinion, and you know what they say about opinions. Opinions are like a-holes; everyone has one. If he's not interested, just move on.

My friends and family know that we're talking again, i think it's because we have broken up sooo many times like we planned our whole future out together, we've been dating for almost a year, it's very complicated

September 12, 2014

Your friends and family are tired of the drama. You probably know the story of the boy who cried "wolf" so many times that when a wolf actually appeared, no one listened to him. The two of you really need to figure this thing out. You need some help. Are you sure you are right for each other? If you haven't done so already, download our app Love Shopping List from Apple (it's free). It is designed to help you in exactly this situation.

Okay soo this girl and i were dating and we got into a fight and we stopped talking now we are talking again and we're closer than before so now her friends and family dont know that we are talking again i feel like she is keeping me as her "dirty little secret" i dont know what to do

September 05, 2014

You two need to talk about what the next move should be. It's very confusing for people on the outside, and it's very confusing for both of you. Is there a particular reason that the two of you would not be telling others that you are back together? People break up and get back together all the time. Why does this need to be kept secret? What else is going on?

My gf is super except she is a horrible cook. I mean its all I can do to take a few bites. I have volunteered to cook but she says she likes cooking for me. Other than this I think she is perfect. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. What do I say?

September 05, 2014

As a "surprise" buy a set of couples' cooking classes. There are many places that offer them. It's a great couples' activity, and it will most certainly help you accomplish your goal. My first meal prepared by my wife (but then girlfriend) was a tuna melt. I had to put the fire out in the oven. She's a good cook now. Be patient.

My bf treats me real well but he is super disrespectful to his mother. I’ve tried to point this out but he says that’s just the relationship he has with her and that I should really not get in the middle. She is a really nice lady and it hurts me when he goes off on her. What can I say?

September 05, 2014

Yes, I do have something you can say, but it's not to him. You need to stand in front of a mirror to talk. Take a good look at how he treats his mother. Unless something changes, this is how he will be treating you many years down the line. Since it is your opinion that she is a really nice lady, then you would have to ask him what happened in the past. My guess would be that he learned this behavior from someone else. Without some good therapy on his part, you are next in line.

You keep saying your app helps make relationship choices. What do I do if my best friend won’t be honest with herself about what she really wants? How do I get her to see she is making a huge mistake?

September 05, 2014

One of the things we have always maintained about Love Shopping List is that you have to be honest with yourself in order for it to work. Your friend really doesn't want to hear/see the truth. There is nothing you can do or say to her that will make a difference. The only suggestion I would have is to tell her that since you know her so well, the list she made of what she wants is not the same as what she has told you over time. Maybe she would be willing to sit with you and do it again.

Me and my buds like watching football together on Sundays. My wife (1 yr) says it has to stop. I’ve asked her what the big deal is, but she don’t answer. I get all my honey do’s done before any of the games start so whats the big deal?

September 05, 2014

People who are not sports fans really don't understand. Most think watching is a waste of time. It sound like your wife fits into that category. You can try explaining that it's more than just about the game. It's really about having fun together socially. You are going to have to offer a compromise. You might suggest that she invite the wives/girlfriends of your buds over, too. That way she has fun, as well. If that doesn't work, you may need some couples' counseling.

At what point is a girl considered a slut? If a guy does the same thing he is just being a man. I’m so sick of the 2X standard.

September 05, 2014

Yes, there is a double standard, but as much as everyone says it's unfair, at least with regard to sex, I'm not sure if that will ever change. However, I don't think that the "slut" factor is taken as seriously as it was several decades ago except by religious groups. Those same groups promote abstinence in both males and females. I don't think there's a magic number that defines or labels anyone. A lot just has to do with the social setting.

I sent a text to my bff about my last date and she forwarded it to our friends. Now I can’t get any guys to go out with me, I know I should not have sent it now but what to do about damage control besides moving to another city?

September 05, 2014

Unless you are going to move or jump off a cliff, the best thing to do is nothing. Just be quiet, especially on social media, and time will take care of the problem. Hopefully, you will have learned a good lesson from this. Don't ever put anything into any digital format that you are not willing to have made public no matter how private you think it is. Even your bff probably just thought she was sending it out "privately." The fact is that if you put it in any social media context, it's no long private.

My gf says I flirt too much. I tell her that I just like talking to everyone, male or female. How can I get her to see that she is just jealous?

September 05, 2014

Your gf has a jealousy problem. There is a big difference between talking and flirting. As long as you haven't crossed the line and just talk to everyone, it's really a good thing to be friendly with everyone. She is certainly insecure in your relationship. My suggestion would be to do what you can to make her more secure so that she is not threatened when you talk to other people. Nothing you just say will make a difference. Your actions will speak much more than your words.

How much say so should parents have if they are paying for the wedding?

September 05, 2014

It really depends on what has been discussed and what family dynamics are. Many parents are just telling the couple that they have a certain amount to spend and leave the rest up to the couple. Other parents want to be very involved in all aspects of the wedding - sometimes wanted and sometimes not. My personal opinion is that if you can involve parents (particularly moms), it makes it much more fun. The operative word there is "IF".

Dr. Andrew

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