#philologist

what makes u think that ELS has nothing to do with creative writing lol? yeah it's a linguistic programme and if im not mistaken ELS doesn't offer literature as one of its courses. but it doesn't mean it is useless and cant help u in creative writing. u know sir arthur conan doyle rite? the one who wrote sherlock holmes. he was a physicist. which part of bachelor of mechanical engineering (let's say dia ambik program tu lol) that actually helped him to be a good writer? none.

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i'm currently taking ELS but not in UKM. it's fun af. i like my courses but not my university lol. but the point is this, the programme that you are taking does not determine whether u can be a writer or not. anyone can be a writer. as long as u have talent and passion, u can go anywhere. ELS is a bonus for you. u will learn a lot, trust me. it does help u in writing. okay lah let's say u want an icon in ELS that contributed to literature. The name is JRR Tolkien. he was a philologist - an expert of language history and literature, which is a branch of ELS.

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plus, if u think that entering ASWARA or taking any literature courses can help u to be a good writer, you're not wrong. but think about this. a good writer must know a lot and engage in a lot of fields to produce the best material. if sir arthur was a literature student solely, probably sherlock holmes would never have scientific approach. literature courses only teach you how to analyze novels and poems. but not how to write. u want to be a good writer, read a lot. develop your own style of writing. keep writing and dont stop. please, dont kill urself for things that u are unsure or in this case, the future. be a good writer and a disciplined one. good luck.

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I see..
I don't know how to reply... Cuz when all you are is really sad lonely then it's pretty bad..
I'm not perfect I'm just trying to get better every day but every day it gets endless worse for me..
I've had so many problems in my life and everyday I get more..
I also trying to figure out myself and that's pretty fucking hard when you was living in a bubble for almost 10 years..
if you don't know my age then I don't mind saying I'm in my 20's.
and almost two years ago I " finally came out" of the world I was living in. I mean I was living and not expressing myself. I never allowed myself to think about what I like loved fantasied about or what I dreamed about. I had to oppress my true feelings my true emotions cuz I had done that since I was 15 years old. Now I know this sounds strange bad and really fucked up.. But when I was 15 I started making rules on how I should live my life. I made a lifestyle change and one of the things I weren't allowed to was pretty much talk about myself.
I was living in my own little world. And I was really scared. I pushed myself everyday so hard in school that I was so stressed out each day..
I never gave myself a break. I never allowed myself to relax and enjoy life as a teen. I pretty much didn't have a teenage life..
and just 2 years ago I finally "opened" up about my feelings and it was a fucking relief.. Tbh.
But ever since it's been a living night mare for me. I'm emotional fucked up. I get sad pretty much many times during the day. I get really sad about how lonely I was in all those years ago and how much I missed out of...

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So today I'm really depressed and get many suicidel thoughts during the day. I wish I had friends in my city but I don't. I wish I had got help from the philologist I went to last year but it never helped..

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so that's how I am..

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