@DannyEustisSmith

Danny Eustis-Smith

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Thoughts while having sex?

God she's so hot
And so wet too
I must be good at this
I must be REALLY good
Wait, shouldn't she be screaming?
This isn't how it is in pornos
What the fuck?
Her juice is fucking everywhere
Oh god it's in my mouth!
It tastes like...
It tastes like watermelon..?
You're fucking a melon you virgin piece of shit.

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Can I take your virginity

If you fill out an application and turn it in on a Tuesday or Wednesday you'll be putting on the waiting list. Then we'll have to see if your insurance is willing to cover the damage done to your vagina during the procedure. You should expect to hear back from us within 3 days of your application.

What type of people are you afraid of?

Blacks, Jews, Mexicans, Japanese, Chinese, Muslims, homeless people, independent women, children under the age of 7, rappers, truck drivers, minotaurs, professional hockey players, lumberjacks, any man with a penis over 3 inches, any woman over 5'7", people who are vine famous, celebrities with long hair, Miley Cyrus, Miley Cyrus's future children, Kanye West, North West, the tall Kardashian, people with brown eyes, anyone with more than 349 freckles, men with highlights, little girls with iPhones, anyone named Mohamed, gas station owners, people who walk their cats, people missing more than 8 teeth, little boys on scooters, food critics, librarians, the X-Men, construction workers, businesswomen, people with very hairy bodies, clowns, extortionists, Rob Dyrdek, offensive linemen, dinosaurs, headless horsemen, other people.

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Advice for incoming freshmen?

It's about fucking time someone asked me this... Shit.
1. Don't piss me off. Don't piss Jacey. Don't Piss Jeremy off. Don't piss Michaela off. We will cyberbully you.
2. Don't try to be cool and act tough to upperclassmen. Again, we will cyberbully you.
3. Don't rat out parties. We will cyberbully you AND your mom.
4. Don't sit in the good seats at sporting events. We will cyberbully you and take your lunch money.
5. If you're a girl, don't date an older guy. My girls Jacey and Michaela will cyberbully you.
6. If you're a guy, don't pull a Brock Rizzo and date hot older girls even though you're a fat fuck. Jeremy and I will cyberbully you.
7. Don't be a freshman. We will cyberbully you.

Why are you still a virgin? I know of several girls who would fuck you.

I'm gonna answer this honestly...
The thing is, there a lot of girls that I would have sex with that I don't want to lose my virginity to. That doesn't make much sense, but that's how it is. I'm not saying I want my first time to be "special." But I want to be able to be proud of it. I want it to be awesome and something that I look back on like "hell yeah you fucking stud."
After that I will literally fuck anything that moves.

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