I'm AA and this girl I've been dating is white. I went to church with her on Sunday and got all kinds of odd looks. Do I just not go with her anymore? She says it's because they are not used to having and AA in the congregation. Could it be that simple?

March 23, 2018

It certainly may be that simple. People who are unfamiliar with diversity will tend to stare. So, my suggestion is to just go along with it and see what happens. If there are no further oddities from the congregation, then you have been accepted. If not, it's another discussion.

How soon is too soon after a spouse passes to start sleeping with someone else?

March 16, 2018

There is no "magic" amount of time. I've had patients who have lost a spouse start dating after 6 weeks, and I've had surviving spouses who don't date at all, and I've had many time frames in between. It's up to each individual. Hopefully, those around the surviving spouse will respect decisions that are made. Don't mock a pain you haven't endured.

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Is there such a thing as being too cautious about a relationship? I don't want to scare away this guy I've been dating but I'm always freaked because of what happened to me awhile back. There are no red flags so far. Just don't want anything to pop up as a surprise.

March 16, 2018

As I've mentioned before, it is very easy and a good idea to do a full background check. It's also not very expensive. It will give you peace of mind one way or the other. You are not freaking out. You are doing your due diligence. Smart!

My gf's sister and her bf pop in to "visit" us about every three months. We have a 2 bedroom/2 bath apartment so we have room. The problem is they never offer to pay for anything. I've told my gf it's not fair but she just says that they're only here for 2-3 days at a time so I should let it go.

March 16, 2018

It is not HER place. It belongs to both of you, so both of you have to be comfortable. Ideally, the two of you should talk with them, but if your gf won't, it's up to you to stand up for yourself. Unfortunately, it might cost you your relationship, but that's better than putting up with all the inconsideration.

My husband's parents come to visit about once every 6 months from out of state. Here's the problem. They bring their dog. I'm not an OCD clean freak but I don't like the dog hair all over. He's tried to talk to them but they just blow him off. I don't want to explode but it's OUR house. Do I jus

March 16, 2018

The two of you need to sit down with them and have a serious talk. You are correct, it is YOUR house. If the two of you don't want dogs in your house, that should be the end of the discussion. It's called respect.

We went to a party and one of my boyfriend's ex's was there. They just said hi to each other, not even a hug. But this freaked me out and I yelled at him after the party. I realized it's my issue and apologized. But he's ready to break up because of my reaction. He said he didn't realize what a

March 16, 2018

Clearly, you are very insecure about your relationship. Who could blame him for being weirded out by your reaction. I would apologize and tell him it won't happen again because you recognize what you looked like. You can only hope he accepts your apology.

My kid brother (19) is a drag queen. I don't have a problem with that. I love him no matter what. I started dating this guy and we hit it off really good. But after he met my brother he says he can't be with me. Do I just tell him to f-o or what? I'm very disappointed in this guy's actions.

March 16, 2018

Don't stoop to his level. Just tell him that you don't think that his judgment of your brother is something that works for you. Thank him for some good times, but you don't feel the relationship will work out. Move on.

all fake science to be used as an excuse. I would appreciate any suggestions you have.

March 16, 2018

There is very good scientific evidence, including MRI's, that show the male and female brain are different. It's not b.s. While the female brain is slightly smaller, it is much richer in connections between the two sides. Additionally, the area that deals with emotions is bigger in the female brain.

Please settle this. Me and my bf had and argument. I tried to explain that we were just seeing the same thing through different "eyes" because I'm female and he's male. He says that's just a bullshit excuse. I tried showing him some research about female v male brains but he just says that it's

March 16, 2018

There is very good scientific evidence, including MRI's, that show the male and female brain are different. It's not b.s. While the female brain is slightly smaller, it is much richer in connections between the two sides. Additionally, the area that deals with emotions is bigger in the female brain.

There's this girl in my chem class I think is cute. The problem is she's like a straight A student. I know I'm intimidated. She's very friendly but I don't know how to get past that. Do girls judge guys by grades? Yes, I'm insecure.

March 16, 2018

At least you recognize that you are insecure. As far as girls, or anyone for that matter, judging, we all judge. Different people judge others by different things. The only way you will know what she thinks is to talk with her. Just because she's a good student does not mean she judges others by grades.

Me and this other girl at college are friends with benefits. Neither of us has hidden this from anyone. I'm really close with my grandmother. She came to visit me and found out. Now she won't speak to me. I'm devastated and I don't know what to do or say.

March 16, 2018

Clearly, your grandmother is not pleased with your lifestyle choice. You can talk with her, but you don't owe her or anyone else an apology. You are old enough to make such choices. You might approach her by acknowledging she is upset and see what she says.

Can someone ever get past the infidelity of a spouse? I'm having a really hard time.

March 09, 2018

Yes, but it takes a lot of work with a professional and a long time. My individual and couples patients have said it's one of the hardest things they've ever been through. Keep in mind it takes both people to be committed and to work hard.

I am a gay male in my 40"s. I work in a fairly large company. I'm amazed when someone I don't know well overhears a conversation in which I happen to mention my husband, they ask, "Don't you mean your wife?" I try not to get angry but I often do. What should I really say?

March 09, 2018

Just look at the person directly, and say, "Thank you for asking, but, no, that's not what I meant. I meant exactly what I said." You don't need to say anything else. Your message will be very clear.

Our daughter is dating this really wonderful guy. Unfortunately, the guy's dad is a jerk and treats his wife (his third) like crap. We are very worried that our daughter will wind up being treated this way. Is there a good way to handle this without seeming overbearing?

March 09, 2018

You have good reason to be concerned. His father's treatment of his mother is his role model and not a good one. Talk to your daughter about your concerns. It may already be on her mind. She may have insight into how he feels about how his father treats his mother. Unfortunately, these kinds of things are transgenerational.

Me and my gf work at the same company. We secretly got married last month. We have not told anyone at work because there's a rule against dating other employees. This makes us both nervous. What should we do?

March 09, 2018

You need to go to your HR department and let them know. If the company finds out before you let them know, it could be grounds for dismissal. I checked with an employment attorney who said that laws vary depending on where you are, but you are much better off having the information come from you than having them find out from someone else.

I'm 30 and divorced. I started going out with this guy who is 40 and never been married. Now I'm worried that there's something wrong with him that he hasn't been married at least once. Am I being paranoid? He's really nice to me.

March 09, 2018

First, if you have any doubts or even just for peace of mind run a background check on him. A really good one will be under $100 and will give you a ton of info. As long as everything checks out, just enjoy the relationship. He just may have never been interested in marriage. There are lots of people like that.

My gf can't stop spending. We've been talking about making plans to get married but IDK. I've tried to talk to her about it but she always says it's something she needs. She has way more than she needs. How do I stop her from spending? It's getting in the way of our relationship.

March 09, 2018

Your gf may have a serious addiction. If her spending is out of control, it's not different than a drug addiction. It's dangerous and destructive to her and to your relationship.. I would strongly urge you together to see a professional. This won't go away on it's own.

My gf decided to be a vegan. She's gone way overboard and is insisting that I do this too. I don't want to. I don't know what to do because I'm starting to get really tired of her insisting. I don't want to break up over this but ... ????

March 09, 2018

Tell her you want to support what she is doing for herself but that you are not ready to make that commitment. Explain that your realize she is doing it out of love because she wants you to be healthier, but definitely tell her that her pushing you does not help your relationship.

Me and my boyfriend decided to move in together so we did. I just happened to open one of his drawers and found a gun. I confronted him about it. He said he's had it for like ten years. I told him he has to get rid of it. He said no way. I thought he should have told me about.

March 09, 2018

Yes, he should have told you about it since he was moving in with you. It doesn't matter how long he's had it. Guns are a big deal for many people. It's a matter of respect. The compromise would be to make sure it has a trigger lock or is in a locked box.

If I'm dating someone or planning to date someone should I inform them that I'm on antidepressants? I feel like that should remain private but I also feel like it's an important issue that could make or break a potential relationship.

March 02, 2018

Play it by ear and see how things go. You may have a perfect opportunity to mention it as you get to know them. Find out if you are compatible first as you date them. You probably shouldn't use that as your pickup line ;-) .

I really like this woman I work with. We both work at an elementary school. We've grown somewhat closer this past school year but I wish we were closer. It's so hard for me to ask her out or to express my feelings and it bums me out because I know if I take too long I'll lose my chance.

March 02, 2018

Be careful here. If this potential relationship does not work out, you will find it awkward being around her at work.

My college professor is two years older than I am. I also found out she's single. I'm really interested in asking her out but I don't know what to do or how to do it. Would I get her in trouble? I certainly don't want to do that.

March 02, 2018

If she were to go out with you, she could easily lose her job. It's not unusual for students of any age to have a crush on a teacher. I would just shelve your feelings for now. It would become very awkward if she had to give you a low grade. Your timing is not good.

I've been going with this guy for 3 months. I just found out he's a heroin junkie. I am totally freaked out. I can't believe I didn't see this coming. Do I just dump him or what?

March 02, 2018

If you care about him, try to get him some help. This is a difficult situation that might require an intervention by family and friends.

My partner is a big baby when it comes to being sick. He expects me to stay home and take care of him. He says if we were a straight couple, a female would do that. I'm not about to stay home. So what should I tell him?

March 02, 2018

This has nothing to do with being gay or straight. Interestingly, even though he's gay, he's a closet misogynist and does not respect women. You are both adults, and he needs to start acting like one. If it were a really serious illness, that would be a different story. This just sounds like he's spoiled.

I ran into an old boyfriend from high school. I'm not sure what happened, but we wound up hooking up. I'm married! I don't know what to do. I love my husband, and we have two kids. I never imagined anything like this. Do I tell my husband?

March 02, 2018

We all have "stop signs" that appear in our lives. Some of us ignore the signs and pass right through without slowing down while others obey the "law." I would suggest talking to a therapist about what happened before deciding whether or not to tell your husband. Maybe there's a reason behind your actions.

Dr. Andrew

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