mrs indian runner

Everyone knows, I know. I have tried to hide it for too long, and I just don't see the point in trying to hide it any longer. You can read this and you can all laugh and call me an "attentionseeker", go ahead I do not care what you all have to say. I'm aware that a lot of people self harm and post pictures on Facebook, that does really get me angry. Why? It isn't something to be proud of
People associate self harm with cutting. It's not just that, it's burns bruises, anything that you do intentionally that you know will hurt you. I'm pretty sure you have all done it. So don't be the one to judge me. I am so tired of trying to hide the scars, I see when people notice them, and it just kills me.
I have self harm for about a year now, My friends didn't find out for about 3 months. Cuts got deeper, depression got worse. No, I haven't been to the doctors about it, I could never talk to some stranger about a silly little problem that I need to sort out, theorists don't help.
. I am that girl that walks into school with a smile on my face always being the happy person that doesn't give a shit what you all say to me. Truth is, I do give a shit, and it hurts like hell. I get home, I just cry. I'm a mess, I will admit it. I'm stuck in the past, but I can't forget. I get flashbacks and I find it extremely hard to control my anger and pain. I found my relief in a knife. The pain just seems to flow away, I used to take pills, another thing that no one would have noticed. I promised someone I would stop and I haven't taken any type of tablet since New Years. I also promised someone I wouldn't Hurt myself, then they left. The promise was broken. I went strait back to my old ways, drinking, smoking and cutting.
Everyone is so disappointed in me, my parents aren't what they wanted. They keep telling me how's should act, what I should do, and what I'm not aloud to look like. No one can except the fact that this is who I am. My mum just looks at my scars, she stares. Worst thing is, she knows, and she has never said anything about it! Just watches me cause myself pain. Great mum. My friends keep telling me I have changed. Yes I know I have changed and I can't fucking help it. This is who I want to be. But I will never be good enough. Most people who listen to my music call it "slit my wrist music" no, no it's fucking not. They associate scream and metal with cutting. It's not like that. I was harming myself well before I was listening to all the stuff I'm listening too now. Theythink it's a joke, little do they know. I jus laugh and go along with it. Believe me I am trying to change. I am retrying to stop, I have cut down so much on smoking and I haven't cut since may.
If you read this, and you know me, if you knew if I cut, or weather you had no idea..
You can laugh all you want. Everyone has seen my scars in pe on my wrists and my legs in the changing rooms. Trust me I have tried to hide it. I have tried for so long.
I'm sorry.

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Jizzabel-Oh my god. havnt fallen out with her since I was 4, and hid her pencil..;) I see her as often as I can, we tell eachother everything! (well...) only thing we are different by is music taste, and hair colour;) haha oh my god she is so beautiful and perfect! we are going to be friends for like ever! her family are like mine, I just walk into her house and make myself at home, and she is so welcome over to mine, because I my mum loveeeeeeees her and her mummy, as do I, kay is perfect awh! isobel you are perfect ok

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Hannah- been friends with her for about a year now, I have some great memorioes with her in chard and axminster, and some not so good memories (new years) omg haha! class, she is FAB, is so good with fashion and shit, she is stunning! but she was a facebook faggot and her Asians annoy me a lot;) honestly my mum hates her but she is amazeballs

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Gaby- I remember the fist time I met her, she came into my holiday cottage and I was cleaning the toaster, wearing some rather sexy purple flares! best day of my life! we are such good friends! we are the weirdest people when togwether, and we used to do everything together, and not care what anyone else thought, we have the best memories ever, because she lives next door to me when im visiting my dad, her home is also my second one, I love her parents, apart from hr dad scares me he has a mostache and that's just not good! went on holiday with her twise! honestly nothing could ever replace her she is so perfect and I tell her everything,(well...;)) I will enevr forget a minute with her, she is so fab and beautiful, even though she doezsnt think it, everyone knows itt, she is so talented and is literally perfect awh

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Louise-Again been really good/best friends since I was 4. ot regreted a minute! she is honest and is the bestest friend and she is so caering! honestly love her lotsies, and we have had some greatttt memoriesss from all the birthdays, her parents are also close to mine which is great! she is an amazing rider, and has a reall talented!(v jelly) she is also so beautiful, but she 'cba's' with boys,! WE NEED HER TO GET HER OUT THERE;) offers are all accepted! she is such a fucking laugh and im a twat around her, and shes emmbaraased and she loves it;) PERF3ECT

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Lauren- havnt been fre4inds with her for that long! but people judge her way to quickly she has feelings you willys! I relate to her a lot and we share a lot of things, I love her, and she is so stuninning
fgiosehrighuiojseojtyervhrklgtruhvdrv lads?;) awh gosh honestly shes such a laugh and she is fabulious

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