Ask @fifibutterflying:

Do you like romance books? Like, those graphic with sex scenes?

Chicklit novels are the easiest and quickest reads for me so I enjoy them a lot. If I need to forget reality for a couple of hours, get some words swimming in my brain, but not be stressed out, those novels are my go-to. Notice that I said chicklit, not necessarily romance, because I don’t always like the heavy/serious romance books. I enjoy those with more of a contemporary-minded heroine and with witty and funny dialogue. A lot of them have sex scenes but *shrug*. It’s human anatomy anyways so it doesn’t have any shock value for me. Haha

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My friend laughed at me when I said I don’t have photographic memory, is she being a toxic friend? Like, sorry, I’m not smart as you. :/ thank you!

“Science hasn't been able to prove the existence of actual photographic memory.” No need to feel bad!
And I don’t want to throw the word toxic around especially for just one thing (that I don’t even have full context of) so I’m inclined to say no.

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Re: The Before Trilogy, yes, it’s so good. It’s about two travelers who meet at a train, you can watch the trailer to see if it’s your liking tho.

I watched the trailers and I’m thoroughly intrigued. It seems right up my alley so I can’t believe this missed my radar? Anyway I know my next Netflix binge now. Merci!

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About that friend who wants me to sell her books, she doesn’t know how to sell online, she says. And I can’t refuse, because she forcing me and won’t take no for an answer, so I just accept it. She knows I sell my books online and I have experience.

Is it possible for you to ask for some form of compensation, at the very least? For your effort/time/electricity? I know it’s not easy to sell stuff online. Maybe a percentage of the profits? And if she refuses then you can refuse too?

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Hi, my friend told me to sell her books, more like ordered because It feels like I don’t have a choice, I told her, I don’t want to, I’m busy, she won’t take no for an answer, sigh. What should I do? Thank you!

Can I ask for more context on this? Why should *you* be selling *her* books and why can’t you refuse? I’m a little confused lol

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2/2 idk, she’s acting like she bought the book, I do download illegally, but I don’t tweet the author or the director of the movie, love your work!! It’s so good even if I like it, because I’ll be ashamed that I pirate it, am I being reasonable or is it no big deal? Thanks

2/2 This is a difficult one to answer tbh! I do think you’re being reasonable, and you should allow yourself to feel annoyed. It’s fine. I agree with you about having icky feelings re: piracy. Like, I tweet about The Mandalorian a lot and I always think twice about it cus legally I shouldn’t be able to watch that show since there’s no Disney+ here yet. But I spend legit $ on bb Grogu merch anyway soooo... idk! It’s a lot of gray area.
I dunno what advice I can give further than that, however, because I don’t think you can police how your friend tweets? Unless you’re that close and you can open up to her that way? But really, you’re allowed to be annoyed, because yes absolutely piracy is not something to be proud of.

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I don’t know if I should be annoyed by this, my friend read books a lot, but she doesn’t buy them, I have no problem with that, downloading illegally. Books are expensive nowadays. But she tweets the authors “love your book!”they will reply, and I thought if they only know you stole from them. 1/2

Why don’t you like folklore? Hahaha

In my defense ... I have none. Hahaha I seriously wanted to like it!!! But I didn’t mostly due to the production. It was just too dull for me. It put this ... hazy shroud over the album, when the lyrics are in fact so rich??? I had to struggle to understand what she was singing at first, when good production could’ve elevated that right away. I agree with the NY times review so much: “It is a completely canny pop album smothered in places by Dessner, whose production can be like wet clothing tugging at Swift, slowing her down, sapping her vim. Swift isn’t an especially powerful singer, though she achieves a lot with a naturally jumpy tone and enthusiasm. But both of those signatures wilt here as often as not. The tart edge that she specializes in — the one that’s viciously effective when taunting, or pining — is coated with layers of gauzy strings (there is plenty of cello), austere piano, throbbing Mellotron, smeared saxophone, atmospherics that thicken the air.”
I very much prefer the long pond studio sessions, which passes my coding test (aka it makes me enjoy coding when I listen to it) (but only when I’m on earphones) (the original didn’t pass this test).

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Do you remember a quote that goes something like: sometimes I am surprised at the love other people have for me that it makes me crawl out of my shell? Sorry, it’s definitely better worded than that but that’s the gist!

Was I the one who posted it? This is the only thing that comes to mind right now but I’m not sure it’s what you mean: “This, I thought as I lay in the darkness, is the opposite of shame. To acknowledge all the people that love you, despite and sometimes even because of your mistakes, is to crawl out of the pit and into the light. You honor them by forgiving yourself. As hard as it can be.”
(Courtney E. Martin)

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cont. herself, what happened to her, what she’s reading, when I tried to share, she just nods and change the subject back to her, when she made that “skirt” comment, my self esteem went from 7 to a 0. thank you for taking the time to read and for the advice!

3/3
First off, I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through that. You deserve to feel good about yourself and friends who support that all the way!
Forgive me if this is a sweeping judgment, but since I only have your short description of her to go off on—she sounds like a narcissist. I have been working directly with a textbook narcissist for over a year now and it’s been nightmare fuel to say the least, but I like to believe I’m maybe on the healing side of the equation now so perhaps the advice I can give is valid.
Step 1 is something you already achieved, as you’ve already sent me this: Recognize that it’s a HER problem, not a YOU problem, and never forget that. These people are so good at making you feel small (so they can feel big!) so you have to learn to devalue their opinions of you. You’re not the problem; their ego is.
Another thing you can do is seek mutual friends and compare notes on how she treats each of you. This is not for gossip’s sake; it helps to find people who are going through the same things as you, even only to confirm (or reject) your observations about her behavior. (Nothing in your description points to her being manipulative as well, but in my experience, narcissists can also be grade A gaslighters. You don’t realize you’re being manipulated and lied to until you talk to other people and find stories that don’t match.)
I guess the mature next step is really communication; you have to let her know she makes you feel this way and that you aren’t comfortable with it anymore. Even if that doesn’t work, at least you tried something to address the issue upfront. BUT (and this is also based on experience) it’s tricky confronting narcissists because accepting fault is never in their vocabulary. They will get defensive, combative, and oftentimes even petty. So be prepared for the conversation not to be pretty.
But honestly? Unless she is capable of changing, keeping distance is the only way. Obviously I don’t know how much you want to fight for your friendship, but the only thing that helped me deal with my narcissistic coworker was keeping all our interactions to a bare minimum. I only began to feel good when I did not have to talk to him at all. So then it was easier to remind myself he doesn’t have any power over my sense of self-worth.
Hope this helps. Hugs!

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cont. pretty, and when I was going to college, to feu, I’m not saying anything, and she all of a sudden said “Hindi naman yan university, institute Lang yan, “ when she said those things, I dont say anything, i don’t stand up to myself, and when we’re talking, she does all the talking, always cont.

Hi, pls advice! My “friend” of 17 years always points out my “flaws” like your hips are so big, you have cellulite, when a random guy talked to me, I felt so pretty bec who wouldn’t, she said, its because you’re wearing a skirt right? basically saying dont flatter yourself, you’re not that cont

Are you a fan of kpop like bts, blackpink, twice?

I have listened to some of their songs (I’m probably most familiar with Blackpink ones) and I ... don’t mind them. But I’m not really a fan, because I avoid indulging in any kind of fandom nowadays (see: one of my recent answers here re: being a Swiftie). Plus, not gonna lie, kpop fan/standom is a different kind of culture that seems way too intense for me lol

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Hi, can you give me advice? Thanks! I follow someone on twitter and she’s always tweeting about her purchases, like “I bought this” or “I want this” mostly fandom stuff, she even bought some signed cds even if she’s not a fan of the artist, Getting tired of the consumerism. I know its her money but.

The mute button is the key, my friend! It’s not up to us to police other people’s choices and content but we can curate what we see in our feeds. I have a policy that if someone’s posts start to seem toxic for me (and yes, I would consider such consumerism toxic, especially in these times!) I am straight up muting them.

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Do you still open your ask.fm? Haha. Anyways, are you still a swiftie?

I don’t open this regularly anymore but hey! Surprised to find a new question from 18 days ago!
Um, I’m not sure how to answer that. Does my past fandom get invalidated if I’m not a fan in the present? I guess I’ll just say I’m not an *active* Swiftie (clearly). The Lover era has not done anything to pull me back in, but more than that, I’ve kinda stopped following/caring about the lives of celebrities in general (not just Taylor’s, but yes, including hers) because I have stopped seeing the value in it (though I’m not going to judge others for doing so. We find happiness where we can.)

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Are you going to buy all the deluxe versions? I want to but I have a feeling its a waste of money tbh.

definitely not all of them. let’s face it—four different deluxe versions exist solely to help her get 1M+ units sold on the first week. if she truly did it for the fans she would have compiled all the bonus content in one version. so while i am a swiftie, i refuse to bend over to the obvious cashgrab. tl;dr: i’m getting just one at most (and i’m gonna wait a bit to get it so maaaaaybe i’ll even lose incentive when i find all the scans online lmao)

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Where do you plan on buying Lover deluxe? Is eBay or Amazon a good place to order?

thinking of getting it via a) local release or b) shopee stores. i’m not in a rush to own the deluxe, so i can wait til they’re onhand
re: ebay & amazon — i tried them some years ago and i got my items naman. you have to trust your local post office for this tho; there was no tracking for my packages back then. i’m not sure if tracking is already available nowadays.

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Do you buy any of the deluxe editions? Which one did you get?

i got the standard first cus the CDs are kind of my thing to consistently collect (i only got the standard for rep; after seeing them in person i didn’t much like the format of the magazines). the journals look great tho & unpopular opinion: i ADORE her messy handwriting so i’m thinking of getting at least one for sure. maybe v4 for the All Too Well lyrics but i’m still looking at other scans floating around for which content i like best. if you have a recommendation pls help a girl out!

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