This guy is getting a divorce (He showed me the papers from the filing). I told him I don't want to take our relationship further until the divorce is final. He says he's been living separately for over a year, so there's nothing in the way of us. I don't know what to do.

June 29, 2018

In any relationship, both partners need to be comfortable. If you are not comfortable until his divorce is final, then keep your boundaries so you won't regret it later. If he's really interested in you, he'll just have to wait. Don't ever be pressured. Always blows up later.

My gf's father is constantly putting me down. My gf says he jokes with everyone that way. I'm not sure what to do. Do I joke back with him? I thought that might be disrespectful.

June 29, 2018

You can certainly poke back, but don't cross that imaginary line of disrespect. He may just be trying to be playful and would enjoy you playing back. If the put downs are personal, you'll need to be honest with him about how you feel.

I went camping with my gf's father and some of his friends. He started telling me what's wrong with his daughter. I just listened. I can't believe he would do that. I didn't know how to handle it.

June 29, 2018

From what you're saying, there are major issues in that family that are sitting just below the surface. For her father to try to undermine the relationship says that there is a major rift between her and her father. You're stuck with a no win situation. If you tell her, he'll blow up at you. If you don't tell her, then he'll keep doing it. Get some professional help on this one.

I'm playful online with some guys but I never cross the line. My bf says that I'm cheating. I don't think so but I'm open for discussion. Is this cheating?

June 29, 2018

The most powerful element of a person is her or his mind. Cheating doesn't necessarily need to be physical. Obviously, this is upsetting to your bf, so if you know that, you have to ask yourself why you keep doing it. I'm guessing it's about your self-esteem.

My bf's father is a womanizer. His parents are still together but I guess his mother just puts up with it. Now I'm worried that his father is his role model and he will do the same. Is there a way to make sure?

June 29, 2018

Unfortunately, his father has provided a crappy role model on how to handle a relationship. That doesn't mean your bf is automatically destined to do the same. Talk to him honestly about your concerns and see what he says. His father's behavior may be just as upsetting to him as it is to you.

My gf doesn't drink regularly but when she does she usually drinks until she passes out. Is she an alcoholic?

June 29, 2018

That behavior alone doesn't make her an alcoholic, but it certainly sends up a giant red flag. Tell her that you are concerned and would like for "both of you" to live a healthier lifestyle. If she continues the behavior, you may have to end the relationship if it bothers you that much.

Every time we go out with this other couple, the guy gets out the calculator and computes how much each couple owes. I find this obnoxious. Whenever we go out with other couples, we just split the bill. They are nice but this is getting to the point I don't want to go out with them anymore.

June 29, 2018

Beat them to the punch. Tell them what they owe before they can compute it. If they push back, just tell them you are more comfortable just splitting the bill. If they persist, you need to disengage with them.

One of my bf's friends and his gf come to stay with us about 2-3/year. They never clean up after themselves. I've tried telling my bf that this really upsets me, but he just says they're only with us for 2-3 days so what's the big deal. I think it is!

June 29, 2018

Your bf is not being respectful that your place is half yours and that no one should feel uncomfortable in their own home. Obviously, he's not going to do anything. The best ways (least confrontational while still setting boundaries) of handling this is to ask one or both of them to "give you a hand" with whatever chores you are doing. If they're reasonably intelligent, they'll get the hint.

I just found out both of my gf's parents have been treated for depression. Now I'm worried she will become depressed too. I don't know whether to break it off now or not before things go bad. Will she become depressed at some point?

June 22, 2018

As mentioned, she is "predisposed" to depression, but it's not automatic. As long as everything is going well, don't sweat it.

Liked by: Auni

My gf says I wear my shirts too tight to show off. I work out a lot so I am proud of how I look. I know women play up their assets too so why should she be so flipped out?

June 22, 2018

It all depends on exactly how tight your shirts are. She's probably proud of you but wants your assets displayed in a classier way. Keep her happy, or you'll lose her.

My husband and I got married really young. We were both 20. Now he says he's bored. I don't know what to do.

June 22, 2018

I face this with a lot of couples. You two need to spice up your lives and start going out on date night with each other. That will certainly help. See a therapist for more ideas.

Me and this guy found out we are like fifth cousins after we went out on 3 dates. I'm worried about this being a little weird. Should I be?

June 22, 2018

If you go back far enough, ALL of us are cousins. Fifth cousins are no big deal, so just enjoy each other. You probably have a lot in common.

Me and this girl have been dating for a year. We both agreed to have an open relationship. Now she wants to change the rules and doesn't want it that way. I still do. How do we resolve this?

June 22, 2018

She wants more out of your relationship. If you want to keep going out with her, you'll have to play by her rules. Otherwise, be a gentleman and break it off

Me and this guy have been going out for a while. We've never slept with each other but we both have so much fun. Our friends say this is weird. We don't think it is but IDK.

June 22, 2018

Don't EVER feel pressured into having sex by ANYONE! It's wonderful that you have such fun. Intimacy is not only about sex. There's so much more. It's not weird. It's what the two of you feel most comfortable with. Enjoy each other.

We want my pastor and my bf's rabbi to officiate at our wedding. Both sets of parents say we have to choose. I've heard of lots of people doing this. Do we really have to choose?

June 22, 2018

The only choice you have to make is what the two of you want to do. As hard as it is, both sets of parents need to decide if they want a relationship with the two of you. The two of you should NOT be pressured in this way. It's a shame that such a wonderful event has to be tarnished by old ideas.

My gf always has to be right. Even if I show her that factually she's wrong she still gives an excuse as to why she's right. I'm getting tired of this. Is there some way to explain to her what she's doing?

June 22, 2018

All you can do is present the facts, as you have done. Explain to her that you have no problem with disagreeing with opinions of the facts, but there's nothing to discuss if there are "two sets" of facts. This is a big red flag for you future. If she persists, you'll have to make a choice.

I went out once with this guy. I thought we really hit it off. He hasn't called back in 4 days. Now I'm worried I screwed something up. How do I find out?

June 15, 2018

Since you really have no idea, stop creating drama in your own head. If he calls back, he does. If not, move on. Life is too short to keep worry about whether or not someone else approves of you. Most importantly, approve of yourself.

My husband's younger brother (he's still 27) is a mooch. He takes and takes. My husband feels guilty because we are successful. The guy is nice enough, but I think he should grow a pair and stand on his own two feet.

June 15, 2018

You need to find out what the family dynamics growing up were like. Your husband's guilt could be part of him growing up and being told that he needs to take care and be responsible for his younger brother. Some short-term therapy for both of you would be advised.

This lady I'm dating is nothing short of amazing. We are both in our mid 30's, and I can see us being together for a very long time. Except I just met her mother. All her mother does is complain about everything and everybody. She's a nightmare. What now?

June 15, 2018

Talk to your lady friend about this in a respectful way and tell her your concerns. If she recognizes what you see in her mother, it's a good sign. If she gets defensive or doesn't see it, that's a warning sign for your future.

I'm 52 and a recently divorced woman. My kids and friends want me to start dating. I'd like to be with someone but I'm afraid to start dating again. I haven't played the dating game in more than 30 years. Are there classes or something like that?

June 15, 2018

There are no classes, but there is always dating advice available. I recommend becoming part of a theme-oriented group instead of a dating group. That way the emphasis is not on the meet-up but rather everyone in the group has a shared interest. Examples are: political groups; activity groups such as cycling; hiking clubs; photography clubs; etc. The interaction with others occurs organically rather than being forced.

My father was an abusive alcoholic. He left us when I was 5. I started going out with this really nice guy, but I just found out his father is an alcoholic. This guy doesn't drink at all, but it still freaks me out. I know I shouldn't put my own issues on him, but ...???

June 15, 2018

You are right about them being your issues. If you've gone out several times, you might want to think about talking with him about your fears and explain why. He may offer you some insight and make you feel more comfortable.

Me and this other guy have been friends since elementary school. We both decided to go to the same community college, and we both met women, so we mostly double date. Recently the other couple started PDA's. I've told him it makes me uncomfortable but he says his lady initiates it. Any ideas?

June 15, 2018

You both need to tell them how uncomfortable it makes you feel when they go too far in public. If it continues, you two should not go out with them.

Because of my family history with addiction I don't do anything at all. This girl I've taken out twice has started pressuring me to drink when we go out. She's nice and all but I really don't like it. Do I just not take her out anymore?

June 15, 2018

Explain the situation to her. If she continues, she is not being respectful of you, and you need to move on. No one should feel pressured to do something that they really don't want to do.

Me and my gf go to church every Sunday. All of a sudden out of nowhere this older lady comes up and starts lecturing us that we are living in sin and will go to hell because we live together. We want to respect her as an elder, but WTF. How do we stop her without being disrespectful?

June 15, 2018

Just tell her that while you both appreciate her concern, you would very much appreciate it if she would not tell you how to live your life or try to guilt you. Some religious fanatics seem to think they have a license to lecture those who do not believe the same things they do or do no behave in what they feel is right. Set a firm boundary. If she starts again, smile and walk away.

My gf is upset with me because I sent her an ecard instead of a real card for her birthday. I thought it was a great card. I don't get it.

June 08, 2018

Some people don't consider e-cards, texts or anything digital to be the same as hard copy. The argument goes that digital things don't take as much effort, so they're not as good. In 2018 many people (including me) send e-cards. They can be much more animated.

Dr. Andrew

Nothing here yet