Depression can be hard. Extremely hard on the person suffering from it and also for the people who are closer to the one suffering by seeing their loved one suffer. All i can say is meet your mental health practitioner start therapy and get better. I can understand you need someone whom you can talk to but seriously nothing will help if you will not go to therapy or not take the prescribed medications. You are not losing on to anything you just need to get better with the help of medication and then you can go on and make good friends🌻