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Make a confession 😅 #STAIF

Unza Zulfiqar
So here comes my rare long shit ignored answers but I've been a mess from a long time now. i ve made irreversible mistakes that i cannot change anymore.I have irreversible regrets that i cannot change.I ve seen things I shouldn't have.I ve been through things i shouldn't have.They are now a part of me now,they are in my mind all the time,i cannot remove them anymore, I've been traumatized.My hands shake when my mind takes over me,my heart beat raises,i sweat in 16°C cold Air conditioned room,and the worst part is you can't tell them to anyone.Your parents cannot even understand you because of the generation gap.You cannot tell anyone anymore because no one's worth telling.All the one's you told took advantage of it and used your secrets against you.
I feel like my mind,heart and body aren't in sync anymore.Each of them are trying to take over complete control over my body.
I feel like my heart has a black cover over it that has stained my heart that once used to be pure.
I feel like my brain has its own brain,and now it's functioning on it's own.i feel like my body has it's own unknown mechanisms as it does everything on it's own.
My eyes are wet right now but i cannot cry because my brain and heart are fighting each other.i've waited for almost 5 years to get back on track,but at the end of the day it comes back to me in some way.I wish some car would hit me and i ll loose my memory as it happens in movies or better,Die on spot.My life is a time bomb that can explode at any instance,and i cannot live such a life of fear where you have to worry about every second,about this time bomb.i just want to live the life,to have that feelings i used to have 5 6 years back.i just..... Want control.... over my own body, that I've lost.

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