Dr. Andrew

My parents are divorced. It was pretty bad for me and my two brothers. I'm worried about repeating their problems if I'm in a relationship. My therapist said to just be in the moment, but I'm really worried. ???

September 28, 2018

You have a smart therapist. Stick with her/him. They will guide you in avoiding the pitfalls so that you don't repeat the mistakes made by your parents. You are NOT doomed to repeat the process.

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Why can't Love Shopping List match me with someone? It seems like a logical step.

September 28, 2018

It is a logical step, and it's in the works!!

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I am a proud 23 yo gay male. I have an awesome new bf. The only problem is that he has not let anyone know he's gay. I'm trying to be patient but it's hard. What do we do?

September 21, 2018

You are going to have to continue to be patient. Just as you accepted your own sexual preference, you've got to allow him to arrive at that place on his own.

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⚢ Maíra Carvalho de Oliveira ♍

In the world of online dating how can I ever be sure? I'm always worried I'm being played.

September 21, 2018

As long as we have the technology, I always recommend doing your due diligence by getting a full report on someone. This way you'll have all the information you need to make a good decision beyond just guessing.

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There's a guy on our football team that is really cute. The only problem is that I wonder if he'll run around telling teammates about anything. Does that happen?

September 21, 2018

Kiss and tell is not limited to football players or even just males. To me it's a classless behavior. What goes on between two people should remain that way. It's no one else's business. Be classy and don't accept anything less than a class act.

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There's this really cute girl at school. I can't believe her family just moved in next door to us! Would it be weird to have her as a girlfriend and a next door neighbor?

September 21, 2018

It's only weird if you make it weird. It would be great to have your two families as friends also. Just chillax.

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My friends say you can get pregnant without intercourse. That doesn't sound right to me. Are they right?

September 21, 2018

Even though chances are really slim, yes, your friends are correct. Any sperm deposited very near the vaginal open could find their way to their target. Remember that it takes many to penetrate the egg, but it's still possible.

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Me and my bf did LSL. We rated each other very high. Does that mean we're good to go?

September 21, 2018

Keep in mind that Love Shopping List (LSL) does not make a decision about relationships for you. It empowers you to make better relationship choices. Just keep communicating with each other, especially when there are problems.

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I am a proud 23 yo gay male. I have an awesome new bf. The only problem is that he has not let anyone know he's gay. I'm trying to be patient but it's hard. What do we do?

September 21, 2018

You are going to have to continue to be patient. Just as you accepted your own sexual preference, you've got to allow him to arrive at that place on his own.

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My gf is a horrible cook. She could ruin just boiling water. I eat everything she makes because I don't want her to feel bad. What do I do?

September 21, 2018

Buy a packaged deal of cooking lessons. Lots of places have them. Just tell her you think it would be a fun activity for a couple to do. Hopefully, she'll get better.

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My gf says we can't tell anyone we are dating yet. I asked her why and she said it's just too soon. I don't know what to think of this. Any ideas? What's the big deal if others know?

September 14, 2018

Your gf is obviously much more private than you are. Just respect that if you want to be happy. You'll have plenty of time to let others know you're dating.

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My gf's family is from a culture that has huge weddings, like 300-500. My parents want to contribute but say that it's too many people. Her parents want to split the wedding cost. This is all creating a huge mess and resentment. What do I do?

September 14, 2018

Either the two of you can put your feet down, or you can tell both sets of parents that they need to talk to each other because it's putting too much stress on the two of you. You can also insist that each family pay for their own guests. That way your parents are not responsible for all their guests.

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My new bf is really romantic but I just don't know if it's for real or just for show. How do I find out? I don't want a bait and switch.

September 14, 2018

Time is the only way you'll know. If he continues after several months, he's for real. True romantics just keep it going.

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I'm dating this guy who has a daughter. She resents the hell out of me. I'm always nice to her but she disrespects me a lot, especially when he's not around. I've tried to be the adult but she's testing my limits. Absolutely this could interfere with our relationship. ?????

September 14, 2018

My guess is that you're talking about a pre-teen or a teen. She's being very protective of her mother and is also concerned about you "stealing" her father. Just be patient and kind. They usually come around. Some take longer than others.

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My gf wants us to go have "proper table manner lessons." I'm not sure what this is all about. Is she trying to tell me something? I feel like I'm being judged.

September 14, 2018

It could be that she just wants both of you to learn proper etiquette, or it could be that your manners aren't exactly great. Don't overthink it. Just go and have a good time together. BTW, people will absolutely judge you on your manners.

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My bf's kid brother is a heroin addict but no one is doing anything about it. They all pretend everything is ok. My bf says he's tried to talk to his parents but they just gaslight him. Any ideas?

September 14, 2018

Denial is very strong. Unfortunately, there's not a whole lot you can do if the family is not willing to face reality. It is regrettable because they are playing Russian Roulette with his life. The two of you can try sitting down with them again.

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I was shocked to learn that my bf's cousin is a white nationalist. We saw him at a family event. Now I'm concerned that maybe his family is infected with this. It disgusts me. I don't want to ever see him again. How should I handle this?

September 14, 2018

You can explain to your bf that you do not ever want to be at any event where his cousin is present. You have the absolute right to set that boundary. You don't say if anyone else has made racist comments. It may just be this one person.

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Can a couple ever overcome cheating completely?

September 14, 2018

Yes, but it takes a commitment from both people to work really hard. And it will take time to trust again. If one or the other person is not fully committed, therapy is a waste of time and won't work.

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That’s the thing though, she has never been rejected in love, I was her first for everything, but we broke up due to our parents & we haven’t been allowed to talk ever since

September 07, 2018

When you go out with someone, you are also dating that person's family. You are going to have to talk this through with your parents.

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My gf says we can't tell anyone we are dating yet. I asked her why and she said it's just too soon. I don't know what to think of this. Any ideas? What's the big deal if others know?

September 07, 2018

Some people just want to take things more slowly and are much more private about their lives. Respect what she wants, and you will be much happier in the long run.

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My gf's family is from a culture that has huge weddings, like 300-500. My parents want to contribute but say that it's too many people. Her parents want to split the wedding cost. This is all creating a huge mess and resentment. What do I do?

September 07, 2018

Ah, yes. Weddings!! They are supposed to be such a wonderful time. Either the two of you need to take control of what you want, or you need to tell both sets of parents to meet and figure it all out since it's creating too much stress.

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My new bf is really romantic but I just don't know if it's for real or just for show. How do I find out? I don't want a bait and switch.

September 07, 2018

You are just going to have to wait. If it's really in his nature to be romantic, his gestures will continue. Enjoy.

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I'm dating this guy who has a daughter. She resents the hell out of me. I'm always nice to her but she disrespects me a lot, especially when he's not around. I've tried to be the adult but she's testing my limits. Absolutely this could interfere with our relationship. ?????

September 07, 2018

This is very common. She looks at it like you are stealing her father, so she's fighting you for him. Get some professional help with someone who has experience with this. It will make life much easier.

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My gf wants us to go have "proper table manner lessons." I'm not sure what this is all about. Is she trying to tell me something? I feel like I'm being judged.

September 07, 2018

I don't know her or your circumstances, but don't assuming she's judging. It just may be that she wants others to see the two of you as classy. Think positively.

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My bf's kid brother is a heroin addict but no one is doing anything about it. They all pretend everything is ok. My bf says he's tried to talk to his parents but they just gaslight him. Any ideas?

September 07, 2018

If his bro is under 18, they can commit him. If not, it complicates things. The best thing to do is contact an interventionist. That's a person who specializes in exactly what you're asking for.

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