Ever wear sneakers and no socks?
All the time!
Ask @cubtherapy
What is the best way to learn a foreign language? Do you speak any?
Hmm. This question is probably better suited for someone in linguistics, but I can speak to the language-acquisition part of the brain. In general, most research in this area shows that actual contact with other speakers (e.g. conversational training) and cultural immersion (like traveling to a Spanish-speaking country when learning Spanish) are the most effective ways to learn language. It can certainly be done other ways, though.
I took a few years of French in college, but most of it is gone now I’m afraid.
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? ?
I took a few years of French in college, but most of it is gone now I’m afraid.
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? ?
Liked by:
Sylf
Worst thing about being ticklish?
I don’t know if you wanted a serious answer but my ticklish-ness is actually super frustrating. My BF will reach over to touch my back, and I’ll immediately squirm. Or my dogs leg will brush up against me in bed and I’ll about jump out of the bed completely. So yeah :) super ticklish.
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Sylf
People you may like
Woof! Not a question but...damn ?
Well thank you ?
Hello recent follower of yours. I have a friend where the relationship is a bit complicated. I have feelings for him and although we are intimate he's not ready to take a step further due to different stages in life. I feel like I should move on but it hurts when I think of him. A bit at a lost.
Hi there! Thanks for the question. I suppose I’m curious what “different stages of life” means in this situation, as that might change my answer, but I’ll answer this generally.
My first thought is I wonder if you’ve asked him what will it take or when will it be that he IS ready to take things a step further? I think it’s a fair question to ask if you’re wondering if you should keep waiting to see if things change. If he doesn’t have an answer to that question, then my next question is for you directly: how long are you willing to wait?
Sounds like your gut may be telling you to move forward, but the idea of doing so is painful. That makes sense to me — this is clearly someone who you’ve developed an emotional connection with, and “moving on” from that is going to suck and hurt. My guess is it also hurts to continue to be around him and intimate with him while wondering if things will ever develop into something more. So, it sort of hurts either way, right?
If you were to take the pain out of the equation for a moment, what choice would you make?
If you do decide to move on to new things and new people, I hope you’ll allow yourself to grieve this person. I’ve written about this elsewhere, but I think it’s okay and healthy to allow yourself to experience that pain — you’re “losing” someone you’ve been close with. That pain will eventually subside, but you’re probably going to need to let yourself feel it to really heal. So just take care of yourself as you move through that process ❤️. Take care.
My first thought is I wonder if you’ve asked him what will it take or when will it be that he IS ready to take things a step further? I think it’s a fair question to ask if you’re wondering if you should keep waiting to see if things change. If he doesn’t have an answer to that question, then my next question is for you directly: how long are you willing to wait?
Sounds like your gut may be telling you to move forward, but the idea of doing so is painful. That makes sense to me — this is clearly someone who you’ve developed an emotional connection with, and “moving on” from that is going to suck and hurt. My guess is it also hurts to continue to be around him and intimate with him while wondering if things will ever develop into something more. So, it sort of hurts either way, right?
If you were to take the pain out of the equation for a moment, what choice would you make?
If you do decide to move on to new things and new people, I hope you’ll allow yourself to grieve this person. I’ve written about this elsewhere, but I think it’s okay and healthy to allow yourself to experience that pain — you’re “losing” someone you’ve been close with. That pain will eventually subside, but you’re probably going to need to let yourself feel it to really heal. So just take care of yourself as you move through that process ❤️. Take care.
Where are you located for new patients?
Hi there! I don’t give out my personal location just for safety reasons. Also, the setting I work in is sort of specific in that members of the general public can’t really just setup appointments to see me. I do have a private practice, but that’s still in the building stages. Sorry about that! If you need help finding a therapist, just let me know ❤️
do u like to watch a lot of horror movies on Halloween?
Yes! This sort of came from my BF, as he is a huge lover of movies in general but especially horror. So I guess he’s got me loving them too! Thanks for the question. ❤️
What made you choose to be a therapist?
Great question! I actually was studying computer science in college before switching to psychology. I think I figured out that I enjoyed computers more as a hobby than a career, and I wasn’t at the level I needed to be with mathematics to succeed. When I switched to psychology.. it just clicked. I’ve always been fascinated by behavior, and I find it really rewarding to help others. My mother was a therapist, so probably being exposed to her work also helped inform my decision. I sort of went for my Ph.D. to do research in addition to clinical practice, as psychological research is something I also love. Thanks for the question!
Yeah I've been reading about DBT for a while, I know the steps I need to take towards a healthier life but for some reason I always fail to take them. Whats your experience with BPD patients?
Hey there! Yeah, DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) is great. My experience with BPD (borderline personality disorder) patients? Well, I would say I have some really meaningful therapy experiences with people diagnosed with BPD. One of the hardest parts of experiencing BPD is the constant dysregulation of mood. While people with BPD can be challenging to work with interpersonally, I’ve also seen some of them make huge strides with DBT. Fun fact if you didn’t know, Marsha Linehan, who created DBT, is actually diagnosed with BPD herself. Pretty cool right?
Sometime I think of myself is worthless since someone called me w/ negative words. I told my friends about it ended up they kindly suggested me to talk to therapy. But I can’t because I watched American Horror Story (S1: E12 “Afterbirth”) - 36:11 to 36:32 on Netflix. Wants to kill myself everyday.
Hi there. Thanks for sharing with me. I’m sorry that you’re feeling worthless and suicidal, those can be such suffocating feelings. I’m curious about why you “can’t” see a therapist due to the show. I’m not sure of the scene you’re referring to, but I watched that entire season.
Let me tell you this — Ben, the husband/father/psychiatrist in the show, is an awful therapist. There’s almost literally no way you’d ever encounter a therapist who would treat you the way that he treated his patients in the show. I’ve done this work for a while now and worked with a TON of other professionals. I’ve even worked with some that I would consider to be somewhat unethical. But I’ve frankly never heard of or encountered a therapist that would behave the way he does in the show.
So I suppose you’ll have to trust me a bit on that, but I would really hope a fictional representation of a truly awful professional won’t prevent you from seeking help for yourself. You owe it to yourself to give therapy a shot, I would think. Also, I’ve never met a therapist who would see clients in their actual home. I hope that’s helpful, and let me know if you have other questions about the therapeutic process ❤️
Let me tell you this — Ben, the husband/father/psychiatrist in the show, is an awful therapist. There’s almost literally no way you’d ever encounter a therapist who would treat you the way that he treated his patients in the show. I’ve done this work for a while now and worked with a TON of other professionals. I’ve even worked with some that I would consider to be somewhat unethical. But I’ve frankly never heard of or encountered a therapist that would behave the way he does in the show.
So I suppose you’ll have to trust me a bit on that, but I would really hope a fictional representation of a truly awful professional won’t prevent you from seeking help for yourself. You owe it to yourself to give therapy a shot, I would think. Also, I’ve never met a therapist who would see clients in their actual home. I hope that’s helpful, and let me know if you have other questions about the therapeutic process ❤️
Liked by:
Robert Golden
who's ur favorite viner (or youtuber)? aa
Good question! I suppose I don’t really have a favorite YouTube’r since I don’t watch YouTube that consistently. I’m sort of a chess nerd (even though I’m awful), so I watch this guy named agadamator do commentaries of famous chess games a lot. :)
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SuperFanDDK
What is one thing you wish you could fix about yourself ?
Good question, and thanks for sending it. I’ll go with the first thing that popped into my head — I would fix my vocal chords so that I could be a half decent singer. Haha. I love music, and am super envious of people that can sing well. So that’d be it :)
I struggle with bpd and everything has been escalating for a while now. I have completely lost control of my life and now I find myself in an entirely different country alone and out of options. I can't even seek professional help because I dont have enough money. How can I get out of this?
Hi there, thanks for the submission and I’m sorry for the situation you’re in, it sounds terrifying.
For those unaware that may be reading this, “bpd” stands for borderline personality disorder.
This sounds like a very scary situation. Have you contacted your home country’s consulate? They would be the first people I would reach out to if you’re feeling alone and want options as to how to return to you’re home country or if you’re looking for support.
If you have been diagnosed with BPD, I strongly urge you to google “dialectical behavior therapy interventions” and try the things mentioned there. Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is the treatment of choice for BPD, and I absolutely love it as a treatment. I’d explain more here, but DBT is so huge that I couldn’t really fit all of it here. There’s some good resources for DBT all over the internet, and I implore you to give them a try. Let me know if there’s anything I else I can be helpful with. Stay safe and know I’m thinking of you. ❤️
For those unaware that may be reading this, “bpd” stands for borderline personality disorder.
This sounds like a very scary situation. Have you contacted your home country’s consulate? They would be the first people I would reach out to if you’re feeling alone and want options as to how to return to you’re home country or if you’re looking for support.
If you have been diagnosed with BPD, I strongly urge you to google “dialectical behavior therapy interventions” and try the things mentioned there. Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is the treatment of choice for BPD, and I absolutely love it as a treatment. I’d explain more here, but DBT is so huge that I couldn’t really fit all of it here. There’s some good resources for DBT all over the internet, and I implore you to give them a try. Let me know if there’s anything I else I can be helpful with. Stay safe and know I’m thinking of you. ❤️
Liked by:
Max Alvarez
Sorry to send so many of these but im taking a chance.Between the friendship and his ex and all of what happen no one has a real reason for what they do other than "it makes them happy" real thing I was told. Paranoid and i'm trying to find reasons to stay alive and i'm failing. Sorry for so many.
Hi there! No need to be sorry about the additional questions. I’m sorry you’re experiencing all of this. I wish I had a way to explain the behavior of others, but unfortunately I can’t do that. And to be fair, none of us can really and truly explain why others behave the ways that they do. Although we still try SO hard to figure it out. Do you ever feel that way?
I think that drive to figure out why awful people in our lives are awful can be really damaging for our mental health. I wonder what it’d be like to try and accept that, no matter what you do or who you are, some people are going to be awful and some will be great.
The one good thing out of ALL of this is you are in total control of yourself. You get to control how you think, feel, and behave. It may not feel like you do or have the ability to, but I promise that you do.
It makes sense to me that reasons to live may feel like a struggle to come up with right now. I think thoughts like those are almost natural when we feel “stuck” or that we don’t have a lot of hope for the future. What goals do you have for yourself? What do you hope for your future to look like?
It sounds like you’ve spent a lot of time and energy on other people. I bet it would be wonderful to turn that time and energy inward, and place that same time and energy into yourself.
Have you given therapy a try? If you need help finding a therapist, please feel free to ask. All I need is your location. Hope that helps friend. I have you in my thoughts. ❤️
I think that drive to figure out why awful people in our lives are awful can be really damaging for our mental health. I wonder what it’d be like to try and accept that, no matter what you do or who you are, some people are going to be awful and some will be great.
The one good thing out of ALL of this is you are in total control of yourself. You get to control how you think, feel, and behave. It may not feel like you do or have the ability to, but I promise that you do.
It makes sense to me that reasons to live may feel like a struggle to come up with right now. I think thoughts like those are almost natural when we feel “stuck” or that we don’t have a lot of hope for the future. What goals do you have for yourself? What do you hope for your future to look like?
It sounds like you’ve spent a lot of time and energy on other people. I bet it would be wonderful to turn that time and energy inward, and place that same time and energy into yourself.
Have you given therapy a try? If you need help finding a therapist, please feel free to ask. All I need is your location. Hope that helps friend. I have you in my thoughts. ❤️
Liked by:
Robert Golden
+1 answer in: “Multiple questions
1. Are you in practice and do you accept patients?
2. If so, would you accept a patient who is openly attracted to you?
3. Since certain men in my life have found out I am gay, they treat me differently than others and it hurts a lot (ie not allowed to be 1on1). What do I do?”
My bf is a chubby guy & I'm not. He told me several times over the 6 months we are dating that he doesn't like his weight and that makes him feel overall not pretty I want him to feel beautiful and I tell him I think he is almost every time we meet He frequently brushes it off. What can i do?
Hi there. Thanks for the question, and I wanted to quickly point out how sweet it is that you want your boyfriend to see himself like you see him — as a beautiful man.
With that said, it’s probably unlikely that showering him with compliments will do anything to change how he sees himself. The reason is it sounds like, for your boyfriend, it’s an internal belief that his body is unattractive. We all have internal beliefs about ourselves, and we either accept or reject external experiences based on if they agree or are counter to our self-beliefs. This is probably why you see him “brushing off” compliments.
My suggestion for you would be to ask him how you can help him achieve the goals and body that he wants to achieve. For example: “I think you’re a beautiful person and I want you to feel like you’re a beautiful person too. How can I best help you and support you in achieving the body you want to achieve?”
Even if he doesn’t know the answer to that, questions like this at least provoke conversation that may lead to deeper understanding and hopefully new progress toward helping him love himself the way you love him. Hope that’s helpful. Take care ❤️
With that said, it’s probably unlikely that showering him with compliments will do anything to change how he sees himself. The reason is it sounds like, for your boyfriend, it’s an internal belief that his body is unattractive. We all have internal beliefs about ourselves, and we either accept or reject external experiences based on if they agree or are counter to our self-beliefs. This is probably why you see him “brushing off” compliments.
My suggestion for you would be to ask him how you can help him achieve the goals and body that he wants to achieve. For example: “I think you’re a beautiful person and I want you to feel like you’re a beautiful person too. How can I best help you and support you in achieving the body you want to achieve?”
Even if he doesn’t know the answer to that, questions like this at least provoke conversation that may lead to deeper understanding and hopefully new progress toward helping him love himself the way you love him. Hope that’s helpful. Take care ❤️
Multiple questions 1. Are you in practice and do you accept patients? 2. If so, would you accept a patient who is openly attracted to you? 3. Since certain men in my life have found out I am gay, they treat me differently than others and it hurts a lot (ie not allowed to be 1on1). What do I do?
Hi! Thanks for all the questions. I’ll answer them one at a time:
1. Yes, I’m in practice, and yes, I currently accept patients.
2. I would not accept a client who was openly attracted to me. I would of course find them a suitable clinician for their needs — but significant attraction between therapist and client can really damage the therapeutic process, and it opens the door for a client to be potentially harmed which I would never want to risk :-).
3. I may need a little more information, especially the part about not allowing you to be “1on1.” I can certainly relate to being treated differently after someone found out I was gay. I think your best bet is to be open and direct. For example, “it seems like you treat me differently now that you know I’m gay.” It sounds like the way these men in your life treat you is painful for you. Are these men worth keeping in your life? I think by being open and direct you provide an opportunity for dialogue and for potential change in their behavior. However, that doesn’t give them permission to treat you poorly, and I hope you make decisions for your own happiness as you navigate these difficult relationships. I hope that’s helpful! Take care ❤️
1. Yes, I’m in practice, and yes, I currently accept patients.
2. I would not accept a client who was openly attracted to me. I would of course find them a suitable clinician for their needs — but significant attraction between therapist and client can really damage the therapeutic process, and it opens the door for a client to be potentially harmed which I would never want to risk :-).
3. I may need a little more information, especially the part about not allowing you to be “1on1.” I can certainly relate to being treated differently after someone found out I was gay. I think your best bet is to be open and direct. For example, “it seems like you treat me differently now that you know I’m gay.” It sounds like the way these men in your life treat you is painful for you. Are these men worth keeping in your life? I think by being open and direct you provide an opportunity for dialogue and for potential change in their behavior. However, that doesn’t give them permission to treat you poorly, and I hope you make decisions for your own happiness as you navigate these difficult relationships. I hope that’s helpful! Take care ❤️
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SuperFanDDK
+1 answer
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I have a mental health question. Last year was horrible alot of bad things happen and I can go into detail. I tried hard to help myself but in the end I asked a friend for help. I did alot for this friend this was one time I asked him one thing and he spent 50 days being the worst. Im in a bad place
Hi there!
I’m so sorry that the last year has been so terrible. If I’m understanding you correctly, you asked for help from a friend, and this friend treated you poorly. I’m very sorry to hear that. You’re in a bad place — that makes sense to me. It sounds like you reached out to someone you trusted and they betrayed that trust. Times like these make it even more difficult to reach out to other people — it can be so hard to form trust in a new person after someone has broken our trust.
But it sounds like, more than anything, you need support. Are there additional people in your life you can seek out for help? Have you tried therapy? A therapist can be an excellent person both for support but also for giving you some proven techniques to help yourself feel better. I hope you’ll take a chance and try to seek support from others in your life. Or, of course, seek out a professional who I’m confident will provide you with the support and assistance you deserve. Take care ❤️
I’m so sorry that the last year has been so terrible. If I’m understanding you correctly, you asked for help from a friend, and this friend treated you poorly. I’m very sorry to hear that. You’re in a bad place — that makes sense to me. It sounds like you reached out to someone you trusted and they betrayed that trust. Times like these make it even more difficult to reach out to other people — it can be so hard to form trust in a new person after someone has broken our trust.
But it sounds like, more than anything, you need support. Are there additional people in your life you can seek out for help? Have you tried therapy? A therapist can be an excellent person both for support but also for giving you some proven techniques to help yourself feel better. I hope you’ll take a chance and try to seek support from others in your life. Or, of course, seek out a professional who I’m confident will provide you with the support and assistance you deserve. Take care ❤️
Liked by:
Robert Golden
SuperFanDDK
I would like to understand my father but I can’t. When I came out to him he was disgusted. When I want to talk to him about my sexuality he gets aggressive and threatens me. I have to lie to him about everything I do. But he still cares and worries about me. Any suggestions on what to do?
Hi anon! Thanks for the question. My answer to this would really change depending on whether you currently live with him or not, and if you're financially dependent upon him in some way. You mention he's aggressive and threatens you -- I think it's admirable you continue to try and keep a relationship with him despite this behavior.
I think it's interesting your goal here seems to be to try and understand him, and I wonder if you feel that understanding him will make his "disgust" hurt less in some way. Unfortunately I'm not so sure if that would be the case. When I work with LGBT people around this particular issue, I often point out that we don't get to choose our biological family. It's easy to feel like we're SUPPOSED to have a relationship with them, that we're SUPPOSED to "get along" with them, even at the detriment of our own happiness and mental health. I would challenge that idea. The fortunate thing is you DO get to choose your "friend-family," and can cultivate a supportive network around you.
As far as how to approach him -- if you're living with him and/or are financially dependent on him... I say do what keeps you safe and what keeps you as happy as you can be, because there will come a point in your life where you no longer reside with him/depend upon him. If you're independent, I would perhaps point out the discrepancy in his behavior: "You tell me that you care and worry about me, but you also threaten me." You may have to set an ultimatum with him, either accept you as a whole person (i.e., including the being gay part) or he can lose you completely. Much easier said than done, to be sure, but you deserve better than someone berating you for who you are.
I would suggest you look inwardly at your motivation to understand him -- let's pretend you woke up tomorrow and understood the reasons for his behavior completely -- what would be different? Your father (unfortunately) may never be open to talking with you about your sexuality and who you are... and that breaks my heart for you, anon. My hope is that you will make decisions that keep your safety and happiness as top priority. A parent is a meaningful person in our life, but sometimes they lose the privilege of getting to be meaningful to us based on the values they hold and their behavior. I hope you see yourself as being meaningful and worth standing up for, because you owe that to yourself :-).
I hope all of that's helpful, anon. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Take care.
I think it's interesting your goal here seems to be to try and understand him, and I wonder if you feel that understanding him will make his "disgust" hurt less in some way. Unfortunately I'm not so sure if that would be the case. When I work with LGBT people around this particular issue, I often point out that we don't get to choose our biological family. It's easy to feel like we're SUPPOSED to have a relationship with them, that we're SUPPOSED to "get along" with them, even at the detriment of our own happiness and mental health. I would challenge that idea. The fortunate thing is you DO get to choose your "friend-family," and can cultivate a supportive network around you.
As far as how to approach him -- if you're living with him and/or are financially dependent on him... I say do what keeps you safe and what keeps you as happy as you can be, because there will come a point in your life where you no longer reside with him/depend upon him. If you're independent, I would perhaps point out the discrepancy in his behavior: "You tell me that you care and worry about me, but you also threaten me." You may have to set an ultimatum with him, either accept you as a whole person (i.e., including the being gay part) or he can lose you completely. Much easier said than done, to be sure, but you deserve better than someone berating you for who you are.
I would suggest you look inwardly at your motivation to understand him -- let's pretend you woke up tomorrow and understood the reasons for his behavior completely -- what would be different? Your father (unfortunately) may never be open to talking with you about your sexuality and who you are... and that breaks my heart for you, anon. My hope is that you will make decisions that keep your safety and happiness as top priority. A parent is a meaningful person in our life, but sometimes they lose the privilege of getting to be meaningful to us based on the values they hold and their behavior. I hope you see yourself as being meaningful and worth standing up for, because you owe that to yourself :-).
I hope all of that's helpful, anon. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Take care.
Liked by:
Rodrigo Viveiros
I’ll get this started with a fairly simple one. What’s your dream vacation?
Oooooh, good question. I would love some type of several-month long vacation getting to travel through Europe. I've been to most of the British Isles and Germany, but I would love to be able to take my time exploring and enjoying the sights. Thanks for the question!
Liked by:
SuperFanDDK
What are some songs you have a lot of memories?
Thanks for the question anon! I'll go with the first song that came to my mind, as I could probably list out a TON of songs with some memories attached. "Fireflies" by Owl City. When this song came out, I was 19 and would listen to it every now and my mother (for whatever reason) thought I REALLY liked this song. She changed the ringtone on her phone to this song just for me, so when I would call this song would play. It sort of became this running joke between us, because as I got older I eventually got really sick of it, and she thought that was hilarious. Now that it's been about a year since my mother passed away, there's a lot of bittersweet emotions that come up when I hear that song. Thanks for the question!
Liked by:
SuperFanDDK
