Heather♡.

Year 8..Oh my god. I met some right freaks!
Ash-Crazy,hyper,mad,mental,freak. Always happy. I met her through phe. But she was in my form,so i guess i knew her before phe? we just never spokexD. The way she runs around poking peoples boobs going 'fishyyy!',omlxDD! We wasn't very close at the beginning,but we casually got closer. We've been through so much together,along with phe&sometimes tam. It's awesome!
Tam-We met in science. Oml this girl. She'd always make me laugh so hard,always make me smile,we have so many memories,like,once when we was in science, i was singing a hymm from primary,she burst out laughing. We both got sent out-.-! Then in another science lesson,we did this script thing,so i read it out practicing in this dead weird voice,tam stood there creasing at me. So hard she fell to the floor,so i laughed cos she slammed her head of the stoolxD! Got sent out for that aswell. We got close,and ended up being best mates.
Around the same time,i met this perfect girl,her eyes,her hair,her..omg,just her in general. Didn't take me long to realise i was in love with her. Whenever she was around,she'd hug me,i felt so warm. Whenever we could,we'd talk,that'd make me happy for the rest of the day. Then one day she held my hand,i still remember the first time and the reason why,i was so in love. It was new to me,i didn't understand it-.-! I thought of her day and night. I used to get frustrated with the teacher because he wouldn't let me go at break,so i could see her,so i'd walk out. Anyway...We become really close,we'd talk everyday,she'd open up to me,i loved that,it felt right,being able to talk to her,to trust someone,once again. But something about her always made me wonder. My bestfriend,my sister etc.. We'd go everywhere together,be together as much as we could,as we do now. We have so many memories! If i was to list them all,i'd be here forever. I remember once we went to Tesco's and we was waiting for a taxi with her,her mom,her sister and her little cousin. one trolley shelter was empty,so me and phe (being us) decided to run into the windows on it,we went three times,until all u heard was a thud. I went through the window&Just looked up and saw phe laughing at me,but at least she offered to help me up i guessxDD! Phe? If you're reading this,remember the letter i wrote you?(and btw,stop blushing;]),that explained a lot! You've changed me for the good, boosted my self-esteem,changed the way i look at things,taught me that it's okay to be me? It's okay to be who i wannabe etc. With out you,i wouldn't be here now. My hero<33,iloveyousosomuch<3;]
I can't really say much more..cos the rest happened in year 9!

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I hated going into school.i hated being looked at,hated being touched,hated sitting by someone.every morning i'd be ill,or be so worried,i'd throw up.i used to refuse to go into school.i'd kick and scream at mom,cos I didn't wanna go to school.I'd cry every morning. I'd scream every morning. I had no friends and I was in a massive scary school,full of strangers.
Then I got random feelings for girls. Random crushes on them,whether they was passing by or talking to me. I fancied one in school,but I realised I was bisexual. I felt so different,so insecure,like everyone was stareing at me,everyone was judgeing me. I never told anyone,but one day in science I told bridie about me being bi,she understood and listened. I felt like I had a friend. (I occasionally saw phe around school,but I never knew her. We never spoke,we only smiled as we passed,anyway i'll go on about her in a different part,cos we met in year 8,but I always liked the look of her,i always felt warm when she went past,even though I never knew her).
After the induction,where we went around in our forms,we was put into sets. I was in re and I got close to someone(mensioning no names). We was never apart, we had so many memories. I never fancied her,before u think I did. I never had a crush on her. She was my bestmate,or so I thought. She had another mate,i didn't like her at all,i knew there was something not right about her.
My 'bestfriend' changed,into a monster. She started spreading rumours. 'Heather felt me up' 'She's a man' 'She's a lesbian' 'She touched me up' etc. People always came upto me and asked if it was true. I'd burst out crying and walk out the lesson. She started spreading shit to my mates,saying I slagged them off behind their back. She'd make things up,like she told one of my mates I called her a 'ginger bitch'. She totally turned on me,whenever they were together and they passed me,they'd give me the evils,look me up and down,talk about me. Laugh at me. She told people I hit her,my 'bestfriend'. (She did so much more but it wont fit).
This is when it started. Depression,cutting,suicidal thoughts,eating disorders. I thought if my bestmate could do this? Someone I trusted? Someone I cared about? She ment loads too me. But she threw it away. Now,i have trust issues,i have scars. I have a eating disorder,i cant help it,even if im hungry,i don't want to eat. I have suicidal thoughts,but this is just a 'bad memory' so much more has happened since,good and bad.I'll go on about it in whatever part i can. She still does it. I still let her. Noone understands how hard it is,how much one person can hurt u so much,how much someone can rip you apart,inside and out.
But i do. I know,i know how it feel's to feel worthless,untrustworthy,hurt,broke,lost etc..And for any of you,i will always be here. Nmw. All i ask is for u to be honest with me.

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In primary,the first few years went fine,I had the occasional mates,we always fell out. But I was different to all the girls?I hated dolls(cos they're fucking scary.),I hated dresses&all girly things. I prefered football&games and running around? I never fit in&tbh,I think I liked it?But as I got to year 3/4. Mom started to let me go to the park next to our house,as long as I was with the twins.So we all went together,sometime the twins wouls go alone with just them two. I remember one time I went home to get a football?Got back to the park. There was jack&callum in a argument with a gang of lads. I asked if he knew them,he said no,they just come over and took my bike. So I went over to this gang&asked why they did it? I remember the reply;'cos its funny.' I said;'yeah?so if I walked over to ur mate (which I walked over to his mate)&snapped his neck,that'd be funny too? Or, If I picked up your scooter&robbed it,you'd find that funny too?' He sad;'no' so I told him not to do it to my brothers then. From then on,whenever I went to the park,they'd call me names,laugh at me,hit me,throw rocks? It got to the point I'd never go to the park,ever. I still don't go now,unless I'm with my mates. Then,one day my brother,callum, was out the back playing with a neighbour&his mate, he come back,blood everywhere. Turned out the neighbours mate threw a house brick&cracked his head open. I'm not having that,I ran out the house&into the woods looking for him,dad found me,crying in anger&picked me up,screaming&kicking? Put me in the house and sat me down telling me to breath&to calm down. I couldn't. The minute dads back was turned I ran out the back again. I couldn't find him,so I come back,shakeing. Why do people do this? What gives them the right? this is just part of the bullying. It went on&it still does now. Everyday I'm called names;man,lesbian,tranny,homo. Noone said anything in primary. I remember a guy moved to the school,I had a huge crush on him&we went out,we'd play football together with the lads. But he'd get angry cos I'd tackle him? So he'd hit me. Once I remember tackleing him,he didn't like it so he slide tackled me on my ankle,I fell too the floor with a massive thud. He sat on top of me&punched me. I was stupid enough to let him. I never thought anything of it..but it become a regular thing. I never dumped him,he never dumped me. I thought he'd stop,but he didn't? I'd never hit him back. Didn't want too,he was my boyfriend and I loved him. Now I think back and realise how fucked up I was:L&still am://. The only reason it stopped,was because we moved to high school,I'm so thankful of that..I'll carry on tomorrow,I'm tired-_-.

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