First times are special. Unique. But the last times are beyond comparison. They are priceless. But people don’t know it’s their last time. -Ustaad berlin
I have witnessed this throughout my life that Allah will love you even though you are a sinner. Whenever i step into a hot shower, sit in front of a car's air conditioner or place cheat meals without worrying , my minds believes "Surely, my Lord is very merciful, most loving.”
It's a slow process but start taking leap of faith trusting the lord of the worlds. Whatever that may be including relations, education or any simple matter. Trust the process