Dan Kim

First off, remember that the brain is a physical device -- and not a very good one. There are bugs. I can't walk down the street without imagining throwing a brick into someone's face or throwing myself off a bridge. But, quite likely, there's nothing deeper going on than a mere glitch -- there's nothing there to uncover and explore. So there's a certain base level of of that you can expect in over the course of your entire life. If that's your case, don't worry about it -- it's normal.

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There may also be a physical malfunction -- the things that should be making you making your happy and feel life is worth living just don't. You eat a delicious pizza and you can tell it tastes delicious but you don't feel any happier -- well, maybe there's a valve stuck in the machine. Talk to a doctor and find out whether that's the case. Your machinery might simply need straightening out.

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Alternatively, the physical problem could be caused by a kind of missing "maintenance" input that your body expects -- for example, enough water, food, sunlight, exercise, social contact, basic approval from the tribe, etc. It sounds very simple (and it is) but it can make all the difference. Try bodyweight exercises and a little running -- it really worked for me.

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The last case is that it's not a glitch, the machine is working properly, the basic inputs are good, and the suicidal thoughts are result of rational reflection -- your life isn't going where you think it should, you don't know how you'll live after your special someone breaks up with you, you'll never finish your project, etc. For that, you need both the right vision, right expectation, and right action. I recommend reading Bertrand Russel's The Conquest of Happiness and then, after, Marcus Aurelius' Meditations -- both available freely online and are short reads.

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Here is a link to The Conquest of Happiness:
http://russell-j.com/beginner/COH-TEXT.HTM

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and an extract:
"My purpose is to suggest a cure for the ordinary day-to-day unhappiness from which most people in civilised countries suffer, and which is all the more unbearable because, having no obvious external cause, it appears inescapable. I believe this unhappiness to be very largely due to mistaken views of the world, mistaken 'ethics, mistaken habits of life, leading to destruction of that natural zest and appetite for possible things upon which all happiness, whether of men or animals, ultimately depends. These are matters which lie within the power of the individual, and I propose to suggest the changes by which his happiness, given average good fortune, may be achieved. "

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If that's what you're looking for, that's the book you want, anon.

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I hope that helps. Good luck, anon.

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