Laura

There's all these old songs I sometimes listen to that my grampa has played and it reminds me of the good moments I've shared with my gran and grampa and it makes me so incredibly emotional because they've been a huge influence to me since I was born and growing up they became second parents to me. The things that have happened over the years with them... there are no words for me to describe how it makes me feel or how it's impacted me and I'd do anything for them because I owe them more than what they've provided for me! :') No song could ever match the memories and bond I have with these two incredible humans, I love them that not even the songs that remind me of them would comfort me or make me as happy as they do! I'm so grateful that they've been this huge part of my life and a great influence on me. :') ❣

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I hope so, well I'd like to think so because right now I feel like in comparison to others I'm not moving in the same direction or pace as other people I know or that are my age and I guess that plays up on my mind quite a lot. I do feel the pressure and try to do what I can but I don't feel like what I'm doing is good enough for others and I don't know what it is I'm doing wrong I think I'd feel less anxious and pressured if someone just said to me or gave me an alternative as to how to go about these situations. I've never been able to see where I'd be in the future, when others say oh I can see her being a doctor or he'll be a great barber or dentist I really don't know what my own calling is and I've never been able to see it. I keep waiting and waiting for someone to come along and tell me or give me guidance but i haven't had that moment or chance yet. I hate that I try so and too much and that it kills me every time I'm rejected or my flaws get the better of me and then I start this strange cycle (which I don't understand) of trying all over again and I try a bit harder each time. I feel like when I think I'm going forward in always going backwards and it seems to be taking me a long time figuring out why it is I do this and why it happens! I still am hopeful and keep trying no matter how many setbacks but I'd like to feel that sense of achievement and doing something for myself that I can say 'Hey look I did/do this and I'm proud' and that my family can feel and be proud of me without feeling bad for me or disappointed that I've not yet gotten to do something which others have! I try. :')

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To be as genuine as I can and do right by myself and others. I suppose I'd feel guilty for taking advantage of someone else's misfortunes but if they do earn or respect my time and effort then that's on them! I hope to someday be proud of what I've overcome and achieved and hope others can appreciate my efforts and successes too. I think I'm fearful and scared to push myself so I stay where I know what's best for me, where disappointments are the same disappointments but not as bad as they could be, I think I surround myself with the sense of familiarity, dependence and keep in my comfort zone which can maybe hold me back sometimes. Its no secret that I am my own worst enemy in these situations and I do a better job of convincing myself to return to where I was and came from but maybe one day I'll hopefully be able to experience to freedom of not having to hold myself back too much. ??

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~Why am I doing this?
~What was the reason or point in this?
~What is it that makes me feel like sometimes I'm still living from the past/past experiences?
~Am I actually this dependant/independent?
~Should I plan ahead or should I just go with the natural flow of things?
~What's the best or most beneficial way to do this/that?
~Why are politicians so disappointing and blind as to see better reasons and ways of doing things?
~At the end of the day what have I learned?
~What's my true "purpose" or "path" in life?
~Why is it people who have stronger and less generous qualities do better than myself?
~Why can't I do this and why can others do it better than I can or could try?
~Why is it there's people who take advantage of others who have good intentions or try to do the right thing?
~Why do people feed off of others flaws and faults but don't encourage or praise for what they can do and succeed at?
~What goes through people's minds in certain situations?
~What is the meaning of everything?
~Why couldn't I do what I need to in a different way?
~Why is it that what we do what we do?
- These are just some of the questions I've been keeping in mind and thinking about. Some of these questions I still question and feel puzzled by! I think there's many questions and some just can't be answered with just one answer, which makes me question that further! :)

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Hmm this is tricky I think religious beliefs have an influence on how you think about life after death because many religious people and groups believe in their God and kind of what it means to live a certain way.
Personally I'm not completely sure, I try to live day by day instead of constantly fearing whats to come and I try not to think too much into these kinds of things because I tend to think too much in depth and it doesn't have the best effect on me when I start over thinking. In a way I do like to think there is a life after death or maybe not so much a life but maybe a paradise or source that sets your soul and spirit free from existing on this planet. I'm not sure about the religious belief of reincarnation though I feel that it's more a symbolic or significant meaning when seeing a person, object or animal that you think, feel or believe is a loved one or someone you know who has passed in a new form of body. That theory/belief slightly freaks me out to think about a family member or someone I know/knew coming back to exist but in another form or body, I wouldn't like to think about that. Sometimes I do think spirits or the spirits of loved ones are still around us now, who knows maybe they're trapped or have a reason for still being around, again I'm not sure about this but if they had a purpose for staying I imagine how long it must take to resolve or try to do something for a living soul before being released and free of having to stick around. I know sometimes watching certain movies and tv programmes can influence some of my thought towards life and death because it does make me question how, why and what when thinking about all the different ways a living person could die and that makes me question whether there's many ways to die off or be released as a spirit once you're no longer here living or existing as a living "purpose". Of course we all wish at least one person who has passed will connect with us again and I think that's a nice way to remember that person and the life they lived, feel connected but can be able to continue living if you feel and believe you can/will meet again after death or in another life. I feel a bit uneasy when thinking about the phrase "watching over you" not so much with guardian angel or guardian light who acts as a guidance in your future. I guess I just don't like the idea of a ghost/ spirit form following me or watching the things I do, I find that strange and unsettling to think I'm being watched like that.
- I think I've covered most of my feeling, thoughts and belief on life after death, maybe I've rambled on too much and have gotten off topic but I've expressed my way of thinking about this in the best way I can. :)

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First of all she shouldn't listen or care for the stereotypes and certain looks in society because its all a farse! - when I was very young, naive, kind of carefree I had my own individual way about myself, I did things differently, wore clothes differently and was attractive to random things, whereas I hit a certain ages growing up which made me question myself and so I experimented with being a new version of me. I stepped out of my comfort zone to follow what others were doing and interested in and I lost my individuality, I lost myself in this fake sense of person I'd set out to be by following and copying others, I ended up getting myself into very dark and unforgivable situations because I lost myself far too much and I started to hate who I'd become it took me a few years and months to get back to my original self and I'm staying this way because that "phase" and experience of not being myself, it traumatised and still terrifies me because of what I'd gotten myself into! I learned the hard way which really did shock and scare me that you should just be true to yourself, make changes for yourself, changes that make you happy and can benefit you, and don't lose who you truly are inside- it's okay to be individually different, after all that's what makes you, you and makes you stand out that little bit more! Don't feel discouraged by what others think of you or want you to be, concentrate on finding out who you are and how your flaws and faults play a part in making you special! Who cares about physical attraction, everyone is skin, blood and bones underneath anyway and appearance doesn't always carry great qualities such as personality, charisma, jokes, adventures, fun, lovability, quirkiness, intelligence or a kind and warm heart! So whoever this "ugly" girl may be, to someone else she will mean the world to them, she'll be a star in their eyes, be their royal princess if not queen, their soul, eyes and heart will melt because that "ugly" girl will be exactly what someone else is looking for or falls in love with. ??

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Personally I find it uncomfortable, I find lewd and nudity inappropriate and I just find it uncomfortable. I don't think it's the right way to go around gaining confidence or feeling stronger about yourself because who you reveal yourself to you're entertaining their sexual frustration and it has nothing to do with you. They don't care who you are as long as you're providing them with what they want and that's not the way to respect yourself, feel confident or gain respect from others! I don't like how these days it's almost acceptable to advertise nudity and sexualise everything- that is not okay, especially not for setting an example for young children! I also don't think nudity makes a point about anything like these "feminists" and attention seeking celebrities who think showing their breasts and body will help them when it just provokes negativity and sexually inappropriate comments from the opposite gender- creating stereotypes once again!! I feel like that could also offend people such as breast cancer survivors, people who have experienced traumatic events sexually or for those who might have deep scars or mutations on their bodies, that could offend those people and that's not fair if it acts as a negative reminder!
As a straight female I don't particularly want to see other women in the nude at all in any form just as a heterosexual guy would feel repulsed at seeing another guy in the nude! It's uncomfortable and can have negative effects on you because of the pressure of looking a certain way in society! I don't think confidence or any form of empowerment associates with taking your clothes off and being nude it has negative impacts, can be offensive, shouldn't be advertise as a normality and I do feel quite strongly about this. I think it's all just for attention somehow, it has nothing to do with being able to feel confident in yourself or being associated with respect in any way!
- Sorry if you think differently this is just MY PERSONAL opinion I've conveyed!

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