Has anyone ever told you that you needed to learn how to cook even if you didn’t plan on cooking in the future?
No, but I wish they had.
Ask @theonlyems
What was the first book or book series you remember falling in love with? Do you think it still holds up today? (If you're not into reading, feel free to name a film/TV series instead!) 📚
I think it was probably the Boys vs. Girls series, by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor. It was about a prank war between two families, one with all boy children, and one with all girls. I enjoyed their plotting and scheming, since I was very much a competitive child, and I also liked that as the kids grew older, their approach to the war changed. They realized they were having FUN, instead of just hating each other. I would probably read the series again for nostalgia’s sake, but I’ve definitely aged out of the intended audience.
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Jo
In your opinion, what are some reasons why people don’t apologize for hurting your feelings and even go as far as to block you online when you call them out for doing so?
1. Zero immaturity tolerance
2. See 1
2. See 1
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People you may like
Do you ever think that or feel like no one truly cares? I have a feeling that if I were to cut people out of my life, they probably wouldn’t even notice since they never reach out first anyways. It’s as if I’m the only one who wants to make the friendship work.
Here’s how my friendships go: we see each other, maybe twice a year. We call every couple weeks, or we send memes / swipe up on snap stories / shoot out a text maaaaybe once a week. Nobody keeps track of who’s messaging first. Nobody holds resentment for the spaces in between contact. These friendships WORK, and have worked for years. The friendships that don’t work are the ones that feel like an obligation rather than a choice.
Don’t do this to your friends. If you’re struggling and you want someone express concern, maybe try expressing that you’re struggling first. Nobody is going to read your mind. This belief of yours that “no one cares” is an irrational thought, and the fact that you’ve been reaching out first for a while might just mean that you’re needier for companionship than they are at the moment. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There will come a point where they will be the one who is needier. If you care about your friends as much as you think you do, you should be grateful their social needs are being met at this point in time, even if it’s not by you. Go find a friend who has no friends, or express to the friends you have that you’re feeling lonely, but don’t sit around feeling bad for yourself. You’re better than that.
Don’t do this to your friends. If you’re struggling and you want someone express concern, maybe try expressing that you’re struggling first. Nobody is going to read your mind. This belief of yours that “no one cares” is an irrational thought, and the fact that you’ve been reaching out first for a while might just mean that you’re needier for companionship than they are at the moment. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There will come a point where they will be the one who is needier. If you care about your friends as much as you think you do, you should be grateful their social needs are being met at this point in time, even if it’s not by you. Go find a friend who has no friends, or express to the friends you have that you’re feeling lonely, but don’t sit around feeling bad for yourself. You’re better than that.
Are you anxious about the upcoming elections results?
3 months is a long time to be holding space for anxiety. I could probably do it, but why would I?
If you could brew a potion that would aid you in any sort of way, what kind would it be? 🥣🍶
+75 energy
-100 pain
+30 self-esteem
I might get a little addicted though 🙃
-100 pain
+30 self-esteem
I might get a little addicted though 🙃
Is your bf a Christian
No, he’s agnostic.
Are you an atheist and if so, what led to the decision that there’s no deity?
I believe in God, I just have some qualms about how he’s portrayed in the Bible.
How did you learn to write?
By reading a lot, I suppose.
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Herbert Henry Asquith
Talk about your partner, is he a keeper?
He’s most definitely a keeper. I recently took a weekend trip to see my family and not only did he take care of my cat while I was gone, he also surprised me by mowing my yard and prepping EIGHT meals, not a single one the same, for my upcoming week. I couldn’t ask for someone more thoughtful. For Valentine’s Day, not only did he hand make a Stardew Valley themed card, he replaced three of my tires so I’d be safe after I had to replace one for being flat. This is just what he’s done for me, and not even what he does for himself, his mom, or his dogs. He’s a man who takes care of his own, in every sense. He’s loyal, supportive, and willing to understand, throughout my ups and downs. I’m not the easiest person to be in a relationship with, thanks to my mental illness and emotional baggage, but he makes loving me look easy. No one has ever done that before. If he’s meant to be my life partner, I would be amazed. For now I’m just glad he’s still choosing me.
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Jo
How often is it that you stay up until morning and decide that you might as well stay up rather than trying to get some sleep after that point?
I don’t stay up on purpose, but I’ll typically wake up after a few hours of sleep and my body will insist it’s ready for the day. Obviously, I know better, but it’s tough to fall back asleep, especially if I’m in a “damned if I don’t, damned if I do” situation, like I am right now.
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Merve
Does it ever surprise you or make you wonder what could’ve went wrong when you used to have a best friend you could talk to for hours and now, it’s as if you’ve got nothing you’d like to say to them at all?
Growing apart doesn’t necessarily mean something went wrong. My path isn’t for everyone, so I don’t expect everyone I’ve ever bonded with deeply to follow me down it. I’d rather they pursue their own potential in life. We can congratulate each other in the end, or at various checkpoints. That kind of friendship is more suitable for my lifestyle, anyway.
You write SO GOOD. If you don’t mind me asking and if you went to college, what was your major/minor?
That’s nice of you to say, thanks. I majored in math and minored in physical science, so I basically only wrote lab reports and proofs in college. I did write a lot for fun when I was growing up, though.
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Have you ever met someone you could talk to all night long ? Like 3am
The first few nights I spent getting to know my partner were like this, so yes. We don’t stay up that late anymore, but I’m sure we still could, if there wasn’t work in the morning to worry about.
Do you believe there is such a thing as a healthy obsession or is every kind of obsession bad for you? To me, a healthy obsession would be an obsession with eating healthy foods.
I don’t, honestly. Even an obsession with healthy food can detrimental, in my opinion. Friends invite you out to eat, or to a special event like a wedding or a dinner party—do you refuse because what’s being served would ruin your diet? No? Then you’re not truly obsessed, are you? Yes? Then what kind of friend are you? I would wager that taking things too far is the epitome of obsession.
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Merve
When you make mistakes that could’ve been prevented, are you hard on yourself or do you remain calm and collected?
Calm who? Collected when? Tough love is the only kind of self love I have experience with.
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la mantra mori.
How is the full moon treating yall today
I cried twice before noon, so I’d say pretty much as expected.
Did many of your relationships start off as platonic or was it almost always a strong connection with intense chemistry from the start?
Strong connection from the start on most of them. Ironically ended up with the worst of broken hearts from those ones. And nope, that doesn’t mean I loved the others less.
How boring are you?
So boring that I’m about to use my answer to ask another unrelated question, potentially an essay question depending on how concise you can be. I’m also delusional enough to expect a critically thought out answer.
Hear me out—what if there was a matchmaking platform for therapists to find patients, by reading how each patient describes their own issues, implicitly or explicitly, which doubles as a platform for patients seeking therapists, set up so that therapists message first, and patients choose whether to accept. That way the therapist can determine whether or not to accept after deciding if the patient’s case is within their skill set to help, AND the patient can determine whether they’re ready to accept help yet or if they want to try working through their issues independently first. Would this work? Has it been done already? Would anyone claim it would be unprofessional? What would be some disadvantages or benefits?
Hear me out—what if there was a matchmaking platform for therapists to find patients, by reading how each patient describes their own issues, implicitly or explicitly, which doubles as a platform for patients seeking therapists, set up so that therapists message first, and patients choose whether to accept. That way the therapist can determine whether or not to accept after deciding if the patient’s case is within their skill set to help, AND the patient can determine whether they’re ready to accept help yet or if they want to try working through their issues independently first. Would this work? Has it been done already? Would anyone claim it would be unprofessional? What would be some disadvantages or benefits?
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Would you work with an ex or you would quit your job to avoid the situation?
Buddy, pal, HOMEBRO, just be content with your job and they’ll quit first. Guaranteed. Nobody wants to stick out jobs these days, but if you last longer than them, AND work your way up to a promotion, they’ll realize they made a mistake not just leaving the job, but leaving you. Sucks to be them, right?
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Jo
Be Yourself Always
When people unfollow you on here, what goes through your head? Do you stop to consider if you said something “wrong” on your page?
I don’t obsess this much over followers. I use the mobile app anyway, so all I’ve been able to see is “1.9K”for the last several years. There was a time when I thought I owed my followers quality content and would obsess over making my answers perfect, but now I obsess over my real life responsibilities, and treat Ask.fm like a journal with prompts that occasionally writes back.
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↭vex↭
la mantra mori.
Merve
Do you sometimes feel as if your personal struggles get in the way of your friendships? I have depression and the intrusive thoughts I also have almost always get to me and when they do, I have a hard time interacting with others due to being preoccupied mentally.
Yes. I have a couple long distance friends that I love dearly but simply cannot keep up with, due to the fact that I’m barely keeping up with my own life. We’ll text, “oh we should call sometime!” and wholeheartedly mean it, but on the days I’m actually free enough to call, I’m too worn out to make it happen. It frustrates me to no end, how I can be so willing but so… limited? Even as I say this word, I wonder if it’s an excuse, if maybe I could just stop pitying myself and call in spite of how I feel, but who wants to be that big of a downer when contacting a friend for the first time in a while? If I don’t have the energy to mask, I might as well not even try, otherwise I’ll spread negativity and drain them too. I guess the advice I would give, which I should listen to as well, is to be a little more vulnerable and maybe figure out how to share what’s happening inside your head, whenever it gets bad. Don’t close up and start telling yourself you’d only be a burden if you were honest. The real ones will understand, maybe not to full depth, but enough to offer some compassion. And in those times when the void seems to be swallowing us up, compassion is usually the last thing we offer ourselves. It might help, if you’re willing to take the chance. I’m sending virtual hugs to you anon. I hope you are comforted a little in knowing you’re not alone.
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Merve
Can you identify an event in your life, that "Sliding doors" moment, when a decision that you made changed your life? How do you think things would have turned out differently if you'd made a different choice?
I’d say my path in life drastically changed when I decided to go to a secular university. I was the first in my family to leave Bible college without staying four years, and the first to pursue a career outside of Christian ministry. Although my family would disagree, I fully believe it changed my life for the better. Sure, I might have been spared some heartbreak and misery had I stayed where I was comfortable. I might have been “protected” from certain hardships, but I wouldn’t have understood others as much as I do now, and I would’ve been underprepared for how the world really works. I might have been happier, but at what cost? I feel like Eve, after eating the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. I can see how awful life truly is, outside the garden, where the rest of the world lives. And honestly? I prefer experiencing the pains of the world first hand to never experiencing them at all, because now I can empathize. Now I can relate, at least a little bit more. And if loving others is the greatest command, I’ll be able to do it more authentically now than I would’ve been able to before. I see my decision as having net gain, regardless of the challenges I went through because of it. I emerged stronger, and I’ll never regret that.
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What is your favorite form of exercise?
Racquet sports.
Have you ever been to Kansas? What's it like?
Pretty sure Kansas sunsets are the prettiest around, but I live here, so I may be biased.
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JAMEELA BAIG
Hamza
Rose
Freya
Jigsaw
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