@theonlyems

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Are you okay?

I mean, if anything went wrong I’d probably spiral, but things are mostly working out, so that’s okay, right? I’m more curious about whether being okay is safe enough. I kinda need to figure out how to be great, not just okay. That way the chaos of life doesn’t send me plummeting, when it inevitably comes.

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How did you make it?

There was no forethought. The sun was casting shadows through my west-facing window when I was cuddling with Ivy and I decided to capture them. The phone shadow is cropped out.

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Do you ever feel like your own mind is against you?

All the time. I’m a very negative person. Every time I try to counter my thoughts with positivity, it feels like I’m lying. I sabotage my own happiness this way. As much as I’d like to turn things around, I just can’t justify sugarcoating the ugliness of life to myself. If bliss only comes from ignorance, I don’t want it.
Liked by: tea.

Can any good come out of suffering?

The way I see it, good and bad can never be fully random because they are values we ascribe to events, which require the passing of judgment, which requires subjectivity, which comes from our lifelong collection of memories and experiences. For something to be good, we must have experienced something bad to compare it to, and vice versa. If good and bad events can be so closely linked to how we perceive them with regard to our past, then why not our future as well? Why can’t we look ahead and see the progression of events in between something bad that has happened and something good has not yet happened—but will—and call it connected, if only to serve the purpose of verifying that the “good” which will come is actually worth that value? It seems reasonable then that suffering could lead to good, and could in fact cause the good to be better. But if you believe in objective good and objective bad, you probably won’t agree.

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This still alive? How are you? Where are you? How’s life?

Life got really good for a moment and then immediately a chain of awful events happened and they’re still happening. I don’t think they’re going to stop. I wish I could undo the good so the universe wouldn’t bend itself over backwards trying to balance it out. Sickness, paralysis, death, more death, more sickness, and maybe it’s just my psycho brain causing me to believe it’s my fault but it really feels like I got something I didn’t deserve and now others are paying the price.

I know you probably don’t want to be questioned about former users of Ask but do you still have any contact with coffeehymn? I followed her for a year or so before she left and found her interesting, I also thought she had a good vibe, very feminine. She just popped into my head the other day

No, I never spoke with her outside Ask. I hope she’s okay. I miss her presence as well.

Do you want to be happy ?

Isn’t that a startling question? Especially when followed up with, “how badly?” I want to be happy, but the road getting there is a bit treacherous. Being unhappy requires much less effort. And don’t tell me about the muscles in the face. Those bros are shredded, they can take it. I want to be happy, but if it means quitting my job, leaving my therapist, disconnecting from any semblance of religion, telling anyone how I really feel, going entirely off my meds, or abandoning my current pursuits, then I probably won’t be anytime soon.

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Do you guys think it's strange when you see someone who is like super attractive being single? It makes sense if someone isn't pretty or rich or stuff like that to struggle finding love. But if the person is none of those things? do you think they have some problems that aren't visible?

Maybe the real problem is that you think being single is a sign there’s something wrong with someone.

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TobbeAsks’s Profile PhotoTobbe
I just wanted to take a second to appreciate the friends in my life who reach out wanting to make plans and don’t always follow through. I know there’s this culture of detaching from people because “if they wanted to, they would” but hey, I’m overwhelmed with life right now too and can’t always follow through with my own plans, so I get it. We’re just moving through a time in our lives that doesn’t allow much room for catching a breath, and if all we can manage is the honest expression of our intentions, that’s doing okay. I’ll still hang in there for a time when we can do more.
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If the feeling is mutual the effort will be matched..

Putting forth effort is a choice that can be made without any emotional catalyst, just like feelings can exist without the impulse to act on them.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Just curious, How would you feel if you knew you would never find your true love because you already wasted your chance with destiny? How do you get up and get on with yourself and your day knowing that you're living without half your life's purpose being present?

I guess my solution would be to stop placing so much power in ideas like true love, soul mates, or destiny. When beliefs become counterproductive to our health and well-being, I personally feel we’re better off adopting new ones.

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Liked by: RidgeBack Rogue

What's a gift you've recieved which you think was truly thoughtful? 🎁

TobbeAsks’s Profile PhotoTobbe
A paper möbius strip with an original, topology-themed love poem penned across its surface.
Liked by: Tobbe

How are you ?

Yesterday a pigeon got stuck inside the store. My coworker and I trapped it in the garage, but it was refusing to leave even when we opened the door. Today, my S/O stopped by to bring me lunch as well as an arsenal of nerf weapons. It took some time, but we were able to shoo the bird outdoors, most likely saving its life. Feelin’ pretty good about that, despite how goofy we must’ve looked on the security cams.

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Should I give my friends ex her new phone number if he won’t stop pestering me about it

Hell no. If you had any respect for your friend, you’d cut him off too.

Have you ever taken on a leadership role of any kind? How well do you think you do / did? 🤝📣

TobbeAsks’s Profile PhotoTobbe
I guess the only time was my first year of college, when I worked on a church bus route in Chicago. A few other students and I started our own route and built it to around 10-15 riders, mostly kids. They all really looked up to us. It was sad when I finished my degree program and left for my next school. A few of the kids begged me to stay, and I had to tell them I couldn’t. I don’t know how well I led them spiritually, but I did encourage them in areas like being kind and believing in themselves. I hope I made some sort of difference.

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Liked by: Tobbe

Are you self aware?

“Research shows us that 90% of people consider themselves to be highly self-aware, but when we actually measure for self-awareness, only about 15% of people actually are.” - flynnskidmore on Tiktok
I can’t find the exact reference to the claim, but I’m also too lazy to sift through all the scientific jargon in the journals my search brought up. Oh well, seems accurate. This question has me wondering what else I could self-report which would in fact be false. But to answer anyway, I would say no. I have thousands of feelings per day that I don’t understand, haven’t made peace with, and can’t detach from. I confuse myself often. I struggle to maintain any perspective that didn’t originate within. I am biased, and aware of that, but that bias stops me from being any more aware. I think there was a time when I would’ve considered myself very self-aware, but then I changed, and it took even me by surprise. If I was self-aware, I would’ve predicted my path, perhaps even consciously manifested it. But alas. I am here, with no idea why.

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Liked by: Captain Obvious

Hey beautiful! Em, do you know I have had a crush on you ever since I have been on this site? Lil mama you're so gorgeous and those beautiful eyes damn..! But I wanted to see watcha been up to. Did you enjoy your holidays?

My holidays went over well, yeah. I visited my family for Christmas, and spent NYE with my S/O.
Hey beautiful Em do you know I have had a crush on you ever since I have been on

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