At first, it is exciting. You don't really think about missing anything. What you do think about is this new, exciting life and environment you're about to have. Everything smells different, tastes different. Feels different. You feel like a completely different person.
And theeeen it starts piling up on you. Like a blanket that's full of rocks. Heavy. You feel like you're suffocating and don't belong there. You miss the wind, the trees, the grass. Everything. You miss the freedom you had in your own country - the familiarity. You feel alone, misunderstood, and judged. In your own defence, you start to misunderstand and judge others as well.
In the end, it gets so worse that you don't even want to leave the house anymore. Although it wasn't as bad as you think, it's very hard mentally. The vivid dreams you start having of eating foods they don't have. The memories keep coming back. It feels like someone pulled out your tooth and you keep touching the empty space.
Now, moving back is another thing. You're excited to go back. Like you're stepping away from that dep.res.sive place you hated so much - the place you didn't belong in.
BUT, you've come to realise that you can also miss the place that you didn't belong in. The pizza, the environment itself. The excitement of the country you know nothing about. Even though when you've spent years there and realised why you ha.ted it so much, the best thing was to enjoy the moments - all of them.
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